Over the last few months i've not been in much. Sorry for the absence. My pain is out of control and my depression is getting worse. I am long overdue specialists writing to my gp to get them to send me to mental health services and the pain management team in seacroft. My gp has me on zomorph, oramorph, pregabalin (just doubled the dose), sertraline (just doubled the dose), vitamin d booster tablets as my level is nearly nonexistent, omeprozol (have a stomach ulcer from taking...), naproxen, paracetamol and been on diazepam. Its not working. I have an hours sleep at best but each time i fall asleep i have terrible dreams and wake up to migraines lasting a week or 9 days.
My parents have seperated not amicably, they are both out to try destroy the others reputation and me along with it. Living at my boyfriends and grandmas house at the moment. Cant stand the stress of being around either of them. They only truly want me when they want something ie my dad has been pestering for me to go home, he finally said why yesterday not because he missed his now only child (daniel my brother died 6 years ago of sanfilippo syndrome and a long term chest infection) he want to put more songs on his ipod. Unbelievable! They seperately have taken me to hospital 6 times in 3 weeks as my pains and symptoms are that bad, i had suspected liver problems (under investigation) and now a stomach ulcer along with the pain, aches, spasms, anxiety, headaches, exhaustion..... You know i'd be going on for hours.
Life cant go on like this, i really cant take much more nonsense, pain whatever. I have tried, i sit and randomly cry for my old life back, i know its gone but i just want to be more like my oldself and be able to partly control my condition, not have it ruling my life.
Gentle hugs and hope you have a decent nights rest.