my lovely brother in law passed away at 2.20am this morning, and i am in bits, he had cancer on his wind pipe which he was given very aggressive radiotherapty for, unfortunaltey, because he was so thin he had a stroke at the hospital in front of me in february, but they still carried on with the treatment, he was so so thin, 6'3" and weighed in at 45 kilos, there was nothing of him, even though my fibro is killing me i went to the hospital 3 times a day over the past 4 days with my husband (his little brother) my brother in law had a terrible time in that hospital and he had two falls resulting in him cutting his head open, i think thats what finally did it to him, i do not get why/how they didn't know he was missing from his bed, and that he had pulled his catheter out they think he hit his head on the radiator he was not monitored properly as far as i am concerned. i cant stop crying the pain in my body is the highest i had ever felt even on painkillers i am in agony, i am intollerably angry and heartbroken. my husband has been so relaxed its eerie and especailly loving thanking me for being there with him, what else would i have done i love him and will always support him even when he is being a complete bonehead. and believe me mcmillan nurses talk the talk but dont walk the walk, extremely hard to get in contact with - say they are going to keep in touch - they dont!!! and like to blame the patient and their families is my experience. i want to take complaint to the top but hubby seems reluctant, but something has to be done, the care side of our what was a wonderful nhs is sadly lacking, too many chiefs and not enough indians, so sorry for being so negative but truly this is how i feel, so depressed and i feel like i have failed him because i couldn't make it better, stupid i know, but that is how i am feeling.
I dont want to go to the doctors i am already on a high dose of antidepressants and they will only suggest upping them, they aren't much good anyway, all they do is fob you off with more and more pills. sorry, love and gentle hugs to my fibro friends who are the only ones who can really appreicate how i really feel xxxxxxxxxxxxx