Is he waiting for me to end it?

[Lolo36]

Is anyone else in a relationship that they constantly fear is about to end? Its exhausting feeling like this. Im starting to retreat into self hatred or self medicating as a form of escape.

[Hidden]

People come and people go away from our life. You're worthy on your own, and it's okay to end relationships if they stuck in a dead end. Maybe you will feel better without relationship what makes you feel exhausted and overwhelmed now. What are you exactly afraid of?

[Lolo36 in reply to Hidden]

Im afraid of losing him. Im afraid ive lost him already. Im afraid that my negativity is going to cause any good relationships to end. Im terrified of the hole im going to fall down if he leaves me on my own. I dont know how to fix it.

[Hidden in reply to Lolo36]

I went through the same way with my loved one. He is still depressed too. I felt guilty for all my words I said to him, always I wanted to say him “I'm so sorry, I'm awful”. He never thinks so. He just wanted to be friends, because he felt that it will be better. Since he said me this, I was overwhelmed by fear of losing him.

In fact, our fear cause our behavior and we can become bitter to loved ones and for ourselves. So it's kinda true that you've written about “negativity”, but don't get me wrong! It doesn't mean you are a negative person. All that in our control we CAN fix.

But first we can fix behavior of another person, we cannot change people. Relationships are not one-sided and another person's investments of sorts are important. You are not alone in it, and not all responsibility is on your shoulders. If someone really (not only in our head) wants relationship to end or you ask them for help and they do nothing or say “there're no problem” or behave abusive, we can't change their wishes and opinions. We can change only ourselves. Trying to change others always leads to dissapointment.

Ask your partner for help and share feelings with him. It will help to solve problems that you have.

I continue to share my story. I realized that my boyfriend filled emptiness in my heart, where must be self-love and self-image. I almost demanded him to love me. This dependence is not a healthy type of relationship.

I drew a line between us: he is on his own, I'm on my own. I can love myself. I can give myself compliments. It maybe looks a bit sad, but I can hug myself too, and it helps me when I get upset. Nothing will fill emptiness where should be self-love, it's a place only for self-esteem. Try to practise it.

Being independent won't worsen relationships. Maybe it will cause more healthy communication.

[Michau]

Probably some men would rather nit say anything like mine. Hours days of silence. They don't have the balls to do anything.

I have left this man 4 times then he wants to marry and it's been 2 years. Nothing has changed. Separate rooms ect.

Not really how I envisioned living. I understand. Much love hugs sent to u.

Mich

[Hidden]

If your in fear, then the relationship is not good for you. End it now yourself, you will be happier sooner then later❤️

[Willowbrooks]

Hi Lolo. I don't know how long you've been in this relationship, but any relationship is a two way thing and communication is so important.

Fearing the end may be trapping you from dealing with the issues and leaving you feeling powerless.

If someone wants to leave a relationship there really is not much we can do. However, I feel people who are together need to be all in or all out, because anything else is too painful.

If someone is with you but not fully committed they are playing with your feelings which is controlling, and by not dealing with the situation you are allowing it to continue and basically saying it's ok to treat me like this.

Good relationships do have ups and downs and the good ones are worth fighting for.

I don't know your situation but I think to be happy we need to be in control of our own lives and destiny, to be able to stand alone if we need to and be strong, to not be totally dependent on anyone but interdependent on many.

When this is the case we can handle loss and make choices not to live with doubt or fear of losing people and this strength is empowering and also attractive.

At the moment it sounds as if you are in limbo, neither fully in or fully out of this relationship which is the worst place. To be able to move on and fulfil your life moving one way or the other is the only way to break free.

I wish you strength to make a change whichever way you decide, and hope you begin to feel worthy of love.