Have y’all ever just sat back and started writing (say what has happened to you/ your family)... say in the last 8 years- well I did last night and wow !! here we go (no particular order) & I’m not going to say which year they occurred but let’s just say each year had numerous trials “and” this is just an “overview, off the top of my head” :
lost job, father had stroke while driving (survived but disabled after), 1 yr of father totally dependent on others-mostly me (only child), long hospital stays (night shift),hospice, mother involved in a horrible wreck ( months recovery & never been the same) no longer can drive, teen daughter moved in with her proud narcissist father, 6 months of agonizing pain, bleeding & vomiting which led to major surgery of removal of 14” of intestines & 1/2 of rectum due to a large non cancerous mass but debilitating, father died, sister died, very close Aunt died, best friend of 30 yrs died, mom had surgery and during hospital stay had a “code blue” a reaction to medication cardiac arrest did survive , my suicide attempt 4 breaths per min, icu, full physical recovery after hospital & in- pt treatment, husband Involved in a disabling disabling wreck, my diagnosis of bulging discs, spurring bones, unaligned neck, fibro, degenerate discs, severe arthritis, sciatica nerve, etccc chronic depression, panic attacks, trilingual neurigial, broke my ankle & pulled tendons, another wreck involving my mom & step dad, homeless from historic 2016 Flood, slowly rebuild, lived in 3 diff homes, weight gain of 50 pds, along with severe vomiting and tummy pain which after months of tests.. determine scar tissue wrapped around my urethra tube for my kidney was only functioning 10% for approximately 11 months so I was full of toxins , surgery complications, near death, pneumonia, internal bleeding, blood transfusions, two months with the catheter, stent procedure 2times, my husband received a phone call which involved lies about me having an affair but his entire family was told by someone not minding their own business and judge to me still today, my car, daughter’s & husband’s vehicles all broke same time, husband yrs of drinking problem, husband passed out & suffered head trauma-full recovery, alcohol relapse was near divorce, no sexual affection in 5 yrs except once due to my advancement, I passed out during surgery recovery & required stitches on head, week during recovery of surgery left alone about to pass out w/28 staples all I heard was a door slam which was my husband leaving me alone, with vomit and crap all over myself and no phone but I survived, Daughter moved out of state & blamed me for having to do so, daughter arrested for illegal drugs , daughter returned from out of state and moved in to a crackhouse & blames me saying she can no longer handle all of the negativity that has occurred - no help from her at all .3 failed marriages, father-in-law cancer , mother-in-law dementia , I had hallucinations from medication full recovery , Uncle died, heavy I DRESSER FELL only caused more neck and back damage, Live all around family yet not one knocked on my door since my best friend died over a year ago , daughter involved in a home robbery involving my brother-in-law‘s house with guns involved, reoccurrence of endometriosis after total hysterectomy years ago two surgeries involving endometriosis removal and one office visit - THIS IS JUST BY MEMORY of my last eight years .. NICE HUH?
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Cocoon3
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hi cocoon,have read you sad life ,sorry to say its tame copaired with mine,you are not alone in you sadness cocoon you see we all have a tendancy to think we are the only ones
to have gone throu these troubles you see ,their will be somone else coming on saying theyed had a worst time than both of us.and so on.hope this has helped you not to fell alone cocoon,o wy not take a look at my sis with our late peeks ive posted
Thank you so much for ur kind & helpful words.... I will take time to read ur stories & i’ll say.... I’m so sorry that people know how I feel or are going through even something worse- usually I am more of a picker upper... but lately I’ve been really in the dark , like it’s closing in on me again .. but I’m still here and thank you for reaching out to me that means more than you’ll ever know ❤️
Yikes....That is pretty bad. Just in the last year I went through a lot of misery. Though it ended well, it still left some pretty deep scars. The saying is. 'This too shall pass'. Still, sometimes it seems like the night is very long and the sunny days very short. But, we make do with what happens and we move on. Some days it's a major struggle to just get up and put one foot in front of the other and keep moving. You will get past all of that stuff though and there will be brighter days ahead. It's always darkest right before the dawn. You wrote the negative things...Now write the positive things. If there aren't enough to fill out the same length, then add a new chapter to your life and create new positives! Have a blessed day!
I’m about to post a quick handwritten poem that I just wrote.... BUT,
You are right.... I need to see if I can make a poem from any positives in my life thank you! will see where that goes- ••••• all of you that reply and make comments help me feel not so alone in this dark cloud that has risen again
You can always join one of my chat sites and talk among a small group of like minded people. You can be a member of my writing group too. No need to be alone as long as I am here. You can also pm me if you want to talk about anything!
I will add you to Circle Of Friends 4. You will be member #12. That site isn't real active yet but, I will add members until it is active enough to keep everyone satisfied. If you wann be a part of my writing group we meet M/W/F from 7 until 9pm, American EST. I have added your name there too!
You are now in COF4 & Creative Expression 2 (Our writing group). You just missed tonight's meeting. It ended a little over an hour ago. I don't know whether or not Wed. meeting will happen as one of our major members has already said she can't make it. But, I'll let you know. Okay? When there are no meetings going on, the writing chatline is just another talk chatline. Have a blessed evening, my friend!
Hello to both of you! I've had probably 10 years of things that I never wish to go through again, though I know some of it will come around again. I have chronic kidney disease, had a transplant but then found a virus in the kidney, so will eventually need another. Spent 6 years on dialysis, a little less than a year in-center which was my personal hell, which I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
About a year after the transplant I started to have several skin conditions which came out of nowhere after not having any trouble. Its been very painful at times and I've felt like I had to hide my face so no one would see it.
Its funny when I think back on all I've been through and where I'm at now and look back and see that I have made it through a lot. I don't think about it often but when I do or I talk about it I'm surprised.
I've seen a psychologist for 2 years but had to stop because my son also sees both a psychologist and psychiatrist. He's 9 and has severe anxiety. He was started on Zoloft and has been doing great.
Me, on the other hand, am trying to figure out how I'm still alive. Too much has been going on in the last 3 years my son's issues, which tear me apart but at the same time piss me off because I had never intended to have children. My wife hasn't worked for over 2 years, we are barely hanging on. I have made so many bad decisions over the last 15 years I can't believe where it has put me. None of those decisions are drug or drink related. I quit smoking cigarettes around 7-8 years ago. I barely drink and only did socially now barely even that. I think I'm a decent guy have only worked 2 jobs over the last 30 years so I'm very reliable and stable.
I'm in a bad place though. I'm not happy at work anymore, too many stupid decisions that boggle the mind. Money thrown around everywhere but in my (and my departments) direction.
I'm not a good money manager. Nor is my wife who doesn't seem to get that we are running on fumes. I don't think her job search is being done at a level that will land her a job quickly, she doesn't work hard at it. She was laid off just over 2 years ago. She decided to get a certificate in a new field, which I totally supported. However, our house is a pig sty, always tons of dishes and laundry to do, not vacuumed or dusted. I work 9 hours a day. I go to work everyday, I go when I'm sick, because I'm very dedicated, honest, and reliable.
Is it too much to ask for a clean house? When I come home and she's sitting on the couch, my son is playing Xbox? WTF???!!!
I keep hoping I'll get in a car accident and killed on the way to/from work or something like that. I can't commit suicide because then my life insurance won't go to my wife and son. I wouldn't want to leave them like that. I know that sounds funny because I don't know how many times I've wanted to leave. I don't know how I could with no money. I couldn't afford a mortgage and rent. I have no one to move in with. I'm at wits end.
Sorry to hijack your post Cocoon3!! That felt good to get it out. So much more though.
Where are chat groups? I never knew this site had them?
This site doesn't have them, I have them. I have 4 chatlines that allow 10 to 15 people to be members on each one. They are free, open 24/7 and may be utilized as long as anyone is there to chat on them. All I have to do is add your name to any of the chatlines and you are in. Okay?
I’m sorry did you explain how to get into the chat room that you added us in ? And in kindergarten style because I’m way back in caveman land when it comes to technology
PS: I'm sorry for all the stuff you are going through. Talking with others might help you quite a bit. All I ask is that you don't lay too much on our members at once because many of them are in rough places too and can't handle it. Otherwise, well you can pretty much talk about anything. If you want to join the newest one, 'Circle Of Friends 4', that's where we'll start. If you need more friends, we can add you to the other chatlines too. I will pray for God to help heal you and work within your life to make things as good as they can possibly be. Looking forward to hearing from you!
It's part of this site. It's managed from my pm site. I am adding you now. Your chat light should light up orange as soon as Ieave you a welcome message. Tap is, it will connect you to COF4 and you simply respond like you would on a pm or on the regular site. If you have more than one message on your chat button, then just click onto the site you are trying to access. If you click onto to COF4 it will take you there immediately!
U didn’t hijack my post.. PLZ PLZ DONT APOLOGIZE😢😢No I’m sorry you could relate to well to my post - it’s strange how we think we are the only ones in this world that feels the way we feel and then suddenly Bam... there are others and some are worse , unfortunately regardless of each one’s nightmare-they all equal up to the same level, no matter what the circumstances,when you get to the point where we are at, it’s all the same- (in my opinion)... just as the old saying says “never judge, until you’ve walked just 1 day, in their shoes”......and yes we have blessings & good things that happened but all Of those negative, sorrowful, belittling things just seem to OVERPOWER the good.
This group has helped me In regards to venting- because there’s no one for me to vent to that will understand ,that will not judge ,that will not think oh goodness she’s lost it again (because you know we are flagged unfortunately forever). Even though venting is through typing our words & thoughts...at least I’ve extended it out of my body (for now). But oh ....how I miss interaction ,face-to-face with someone that understands, my best friend oh I miss her so much, my dad -I miss his advice , his face and my sister I miss her compassion and her hugs
I know about being in the car and hoping that a wreck will happen, i understand that darkness too well!! And after my elderly mom passes I’m not sure if I’ll be able to fight my thoughts away - but we are taught
to not ask why,why, why but..... after so many knockouts (as in a boxing match) how can u not ask.. for instance my ex-husband , that well proudly states he is proud to be king of narcissism, everything falls right at his feet,so easy, no work, no sweat - its just there for him to have.. my very spiritual friends tell me that mine will be laid out at my feet when I join the heavens above but it’s just a hard thing to swallow every day, every day ....especially when no one tries to educate themselves. I have I literally begged my husband to understand - to educate .... to make the days go by better -
if someone told me as I told him “ you are it ! you are it ! you are the only Real thing that could help me rise above the darkness. Well that would be my goal every day to educate,to help, to learn, to love. But it’s not his .. but hadn’t been his for 8 years.
After I attempted suicide I even went to the library and brought home a book that a husband wrote about (how to be married when your wife has chronic depression), it was his own words, his own life and my husband never opened the book !!!!
I told him the other day I am the one that puts on a smile every day & even tries to make others laugh and be silly just as my daddy used to but you know it’s a mask yet
... you are the one that doesn’t smile, that doesn’t talk, that runs off and hides in a room, u are the one that leaves in the middle of a conversation - Knowing I’m the one with “the mask” and it must not
matter because in eight years you have not changed a thing & and you know since my suicide ...not one person has said I love you and I am glad that you are here still with us. (to me all that isn’t real love, that is not real love .. it’s not my knight in shining armor !!
Hi Cocoon3. I'm amazed at how alike we think. As I read through your reply, and thank you for allowing me to share my feelings with you, I thought "Wow, that's exactly how I feel!"
I have never looked "sick" since I found out I had kidney disease. I never once used it as a crutch, like so many others cry "poor me" for nothing. When I was on in-center hemo-dialysis I went in at 5am finished at 9am then went directly to work. I was exhausted those 3 days a week. I chose that time to be away from work for the least amount of time. I brought my laptop so I could do what work I could (I'm a warehouse manager).
Yes, as with you, I've had some really great times and fun over these years, but it seems like that wouldn't last long then something else would come up. Like this f***ing body acne and Hidradenitis suppurativa which was/is the painful part of it.
I have so much more to say, but like JEG325 said, I don't want to get into all of it at once and overwhelm you, me, or anyone on the site. I want to do what I can to help others by sharing, like you pointed out we all have something going on in our lives, to our bodies, or minds and everyone's pain and hurt is their own and in our lives its the worst possible. I get exactly what you mean.
So sorry for all you have been going through. Do you belong to any kind of church or religious community? I don't know how I would handle my life without my faith.
I'm so sorry you've had to go through all this! 😔 Seems we have quite a bit in common. My mother and I also suffer from Fibromyalgia, and she arthritis. She's tried to commit suicide. I lost my best friend too, although not to death yet. It sure feels like it though 😭 She's also depressed & suicidal I worry about her so much. My boyfriend has fibro & a ton of other health issues as well, including having had a transient ischemic attack & spine problems. His mother has had multiple strokes. My grandmother passed away from a stroke. I myself am also suffering from depression. I'm here if you wanna talk. I'm SO glad you're alive & here with us. Followed you! Sending lots of love and good vibes your way~ 💕💕💕
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Nothing gonna change in my life ever😔. ***Sucidical thoughts only***
It has been impossibly hard
It’s easy to be wise after the event. 
