Anxiety and depression: I was suddenly... - Anxiety and Depre...

Anxiety and Depression Support

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Anxiety and depression

senochs2 profile image
18 Replies

I was suddenly diagnosed with anxiety in Feb 2017, and it's only getting worse. I've been on many different meds but they all seem to give me depression and suicidal thoughts which makes my anxiety worse. I'm constantly dizzy which is when the anxiety started, had multiple tests done that always come back clear so there's no explanation for the dizziness which scares me and increased my anxiety and depression. I've been seeing a therapist for several months, it helps sometimes but it's hard to take advice from someone who doesn't truly know the physical feeling of this crisis. I tend to think a lot about the past and how it will reoccurr in my future...a little bit about my past, my mother abandoned me at 11 years old, I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes that same year prior to her leaving. I had a seizure and briefly died when I was 14 and had 1/4 of my brain removed at 15. I didn't have many friends after that as my father moved us from state to state when i was recovered from the surgery at 16. I'm now 30 years old, have an amazing wife and 2 beatiful daughter's, a great job and house but I'm constantly scared of everything. Scared of losing what I have, scared of a traumatic medical diagnosis again, scared to be alone, scared to be social because everything on the news just always shows people harming others. I wake up with anxiety and depression and go to sleep with it, the only thing that mildly relieves it is Xanax. Please help, I'm at a loss and ready to give up. I know it's selfish to do but I'm so lost and scared and just want to be my normal self again that I don't know what else to do

18 Replies

Well, discuss your problem with your wife first, because she is your lover who can support you in bad times.

Maybe by discussing your problem you can counter your anxiety.

I have GAD and depression.... have u told ur wife about how you're feeling

DandyTheGreatLegend profile image
DandyTheGreatLegend in reply to


in reply to DandyTheGreatLegend

General anxiety disorder

senochs2 profile image
senochs2 in reply to

Yes my wife knows, she's actually the one who suggested some kind of online support group

DandyTheGreatLegend profile image
DandyTheGreatLegend in reply to senochs2

And then?? What are you doing here???

in reply to DandyTheGreatLegend

What do u mean

DandyTheGreatLegend profile image
DandyTheGreatLegend in reply to

Well, I just wonder what he is doing here.

senochs2 profile image
senochs2 in reply to DandyTheGreatLegend

Had you read my response correctly it says she's the one who suggested it, that's why I'm here, to talk with someone who actually understands the feeling of anxiety and depression because she's lost for words, she has no idea what I'm going through and doesn't know what to say

DandyTheGreatLegend profile image
DandyTheGreatLegend in reply to senochs2

Oh, okay. Sorry for my interrogative tones earlier. I don't know if your wife is still trying to figure out about the solution of the problem.

senochs2 profile image

I'm here because I need help finding a way to cope with the anxiety and depression without being a guinea pig for medicine. I have a good life but for some reason I just can't find happiness and worry literally about everything....look at worse case scenarios before I can see the good in anything. My thoughts are constantly negative(What if I die today, what if something happens to my kids, etc ettc.) I'm always focused on the what ifs rather than the good in life

DandyTheGreatLegend profile image
DandyTheGreatLegend in reply to senochs2

Well, I sympathize with your condition, because your suffering has hindered you from thinking positively.

And I think that I am exactly the same as you: being scared of future because of the traumatizing past, but my past is completely different. And I am just 17 now, surrounded with everyone who can't understand my feelings, unlike you who are already 30 and have amazing wife and daughters who could patiently try to understand your feelings.

So, in the Middle School(between my age of 12 and 14) I have been alienated and constantly berated and manipulated by hostile people, but I can cope it because it is not too burdening, and I have many friends in my side who support me in my sour and sweet times. That's why I still could smile just like when I was a child.

And when I was about to go to the High School, I thought everything would be better. Because there would be no burdening homeworks, there would be a bright future because I can gain lots of knowledge at that school.

And I thought that that school could train people to be better, not worse, with integrity and firm rules.

But what I saw there was the student's brutality.

They kept distance from me for no apparent reasons.

They bullied me for no apparent reasons, especially S.

Only some students wanted to interact with me, but it didn't last long as they only cared about their own circles.

And what's worse, they attempted to steal my works and claimed as them(maybe it was a joke but the joke was too much evil).

That's why I chose to only interact with my 2 old friends, but I was scolded by my mom for not trying to interact with my other friends, piercing my heart deeper.

But soon, one of them starting to order me around, just like when I was in Middle School. Well, I was forced to give in because I had no strength to retaliate. I was helpless and had NO ONE to support and protect me at school. Those who bullied me kept on doing their actions, and those who did not kept distance from me. While the other old friend, AA, acted indifferent.

Well, I still did nice things to those bullies as I was a good guy, and one of those bullies even helped me, but then he bullied me with no apparent reason constantly.

But then, my heart was shattered to pieces when I lost alone at Physics competition when I was 15, and when I couldn't attend a Mathematics competition while my 2 old friends could attend it just because I was born at 15/1, while my two other old friends were born in consecutively 26/5 and 28/8. Whereas the competition was held in April, and I had been 15 while they were not. Meanwhile, only students under 15 were allowed to join that competition.

That's why I couldn't attend that competition. And that's why I argued with my family members, and they said, "Can you blame your birth date for your fate????"

DandyTheGreatLegend profile image
DandyTheGreatLegend in reply to senochs2

And they won the competition. They... WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That quite diminished my confidence, because at first I thought that I could be better and there's no one who could hinder me.

But then I saw that they were better than me. ALWAYS better than me. Be it TOEFL TEST, be it MATHS, be it in a debate in English Club, or even be it TECHNOLOGY DEVICES.

That's when I lost my confidence for the first time. My confidence was taken away. Along with my genuinely happy smile. It was taken away because I was bullied all the time.

That's when I thought of retaliation and revenge for the first time against those bullies. But it didn't work. They still didn't change. They still acted like super badass bastards.

And then happened the incident when my glasses fell down from the fridge when I was 16.

My mom scolded me and blamed me for being ignorant, making me crying at the glasses store, at the cashier's table, because I couldn't endure all the suffering I'd been through.

And not long after that, I was declared lost the Geography Olympiad competition.

That's when I became stressful and felt strangled by chains everyday.

That's why I rampaged to release my anger and relieve myself from stress, but I was scolded by my parents.

And I chose to masturbate 4-10 times a week to relieve myself of this stress, but it didn't work.

That's when I finally chose to make an account by the name of Kim(I purposely chose a Korean name in order to make people disgusted and mad) in order to retaliate. And as expected, my provoking statements and opinions in social medias producing strong backlashes and creating ANGER and MADNESS from the other accounts, which I considered funny, so I continued to bully people in social medias by using my account Kim.

Well, I was stubborn and aggressive there, so I didn't care about people's hostile reactions, because I want them to be as angry and mad as possible.

However, people in social media started to ignore me when I was 17, and I was bored and tired of bullying because there were no reactions, so I had no place to dump out and release my anger in order to relieve myself from stress.

That's why I come here, in order to speak up about my pain.

You are scared of losing those whom you love and losing your life. And she doesn't know what your issue is and that's it. But my issue is worse.

I am really at my limit and have given up about my university life, because I can't live on my own and manage myself without a guide and I feel alone even if I have parents and a sister. I feel lost and don't know what to do, even if I know that I am actually smart and intelligent. And I feel angry and irritated everytime my family members mentioned about my miserable future(i.e. being alone, being lost, being poor, being thirsty and starving, being hated, being alienated, and so on).

And I feel depressed because I couldn't retaliate against those brutal humans.

senochs2 profile image
senochs2 in reply to DandyTheGreatLegend

I'm more than happy to talk and be a friend, I know what it's like to be alone in the teenage years. Even at 30 years old i dont have many friends but i do have knowledge snd that is what takes you places in the world. Sorry to hear of your bullying, that's half of what scares me is people's cruelty, kids and adults, people are more concerned about impressing there friends than thinking of the outcome of their actions.

DandyTheGreatLegend profile image
DandyTheGreatLegend in reply to senochs2

However, there are many positive things I've gained while I was in High School.

1) I could learn much. I could be intelligent. My skills are well-trained by my teachers there.

2) I am no longer a crybaby.

3) My idealism is stronger.

4) My desire of being successful is stronger.

5) I am more watchful. I am smarter. Why? Because I have well-trained critical thinking.

in reply to senochs2

I'm a mom of three kids and I know what you are feeling. Im the same way. My anxiety issues on top of lots of stress made me suffer a nervous breakdown two years ago. I was doing everything I could to get better. I had my church and family pray for me. I started seeing a therapist. I went on meds for a bit to get me out of my depression and I changed my eating habits. I cut out caffeine and fast food and started eating healthier. I started to go outside more to get vitamin d and started taking supplements. Oh also I would recommend to stop watching or reading the news. I know it's not easy but I feel like we already have enough of our own issues to deal with that bad news just make us worry and fear more. That was the case with me. I gotta say though Reading the Bible and praying to The Lord is the number one thing that gives me a calm and peace beyond understanding. the Bible actually talks about anxiety and how we shouldn't be anxious about anything because God is in control of every part of our lives and our children's. I know it's harder than it sounds but I recommend you read the scriptures . Theres a lot of verses that talk about how to overcome our fear and worry. Wish you well!!

AWTTY profile image

Hi :-) First, it is ok. I will say I understand your physical symptoms---I was so deadly afraid I could not walk going to my job. You've had many things to increase your anxiety- but I could say just pause. Sit. Be ok with your symptom for a bit.

I've also been beside myself for years and it is horrible. So we share something. This will pass (as horrible as it is...).

I was so dizzy (myself) I could not walk down stairs!

get it- breath my friend.

Purplebiker profile image

You are not alone! I too have this battle daily and I'm at a loss where to go from here. Meds, counseling, diet. I've tried it all. I'm just screwed up

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