Intro and help getting thru this

[WebbAnd13]

I am a 51 year old that has destroyed two marriages due to my addiction to substances. I have been severely depressed since June of this year. I was separated from my current wife when she said she could just not take it any more. She acts like she is being coached by someone, as it just does not sound like her. Her emotional check-out towards me was a complete surprise.

I have had health issues with my heart, thyroid and substances. 4 hospital stays in 6 months. And after I was the caregiver, to my wife, during the 4 months that she was suffering, due to an undiagnosed illness.

Stress is at an all time high. No money, job at risk, no support from family and friends, I am not getting any better. I have started seeing a Therapist. My wife said that she is not interested in working with my Therapist and I am unaware of her working with any professionals, currently. She has in the past. During her own divorce.

She insisted on going straight to divorce, not separation and try to work on our marriage. I have to decided to fight for the marriage as I love her as no one else. She is my reason to be. Worth the work.

Any thoughts or suggestions on how to fight all of my issues and try to get better would be welcome.

BTW, I am 78 days clean and on Prozac 40mg. I actually contacted the help line last night due to I was as low as I can get. Sigh.

[Sprinkle1]

Looks like you have made a real mess of your life. Have you tried AA, and the other groups that are there to help people that have addiction problems. Talk with your Dr. see what he suggests. There is a lot of help out there, you need to seek it out. Sorry about your wife, but enough is enough. But people who divorce, do sometimes get remarried. Put your oar in the water and paddle like heck, be true to your self and your new life. I wish you well. Sprinkle 1

[WebbAnd13 in reply to Sprinkle1]

Yes my life is quite a mess. I am going to meetings and reconnect with my sponsor and a few close friends.

I agree that I have to create a new me, it is so hard to work on loving myself when I am just trying to survive.

[Pearl67 in reply to WebbAnd13]

Good for you for your 78 days!!!!! That is flippin awesome! I am so sorry you are at this place in your life, but it sounds like you are making awesome choices now to start a healthier lifestyle.

Hang on tight to your sobriety and taking care of YOU! Perhaps if your wife sees this is a real life change she will consider re-uniting. If not now, in the future.

Again, I cannot applaud you enough for your strength!

[WebbAnd13 in reply to Pearl67]

Thanks so much for your encouragement. I am now at 82 Days and feel better, as far as cravings and bad behavior.

I am still horrible on the anxiety and depression. This is the worst situation in my life. I love and Cherish my wife

and only want the best for her and my step daughters.

I realized today, while finally getting the tattoo, that I have wanted forever. must get balanced and healthy for myself, before I can do for others.

Sad that I have been been to rehab 5 times and 1 detox to get this.

[Pearl67 in reply to WebbAnd13]

82! Wahooo! I am so very sorry for your anxiety/depression and heartbreak. The consequences of our choices can be so painful sometimes.

What an awesome breathrough you had about getting better for you first💪🏻🤗 WoW! That is huge.

Keep moving forward! I will pray for you!

[Sprinkle1 in reply to WebbAnd13]

Hi, I am glad you are at 82 days plus and the cravings are abating. Sorry about the anxiety and depression (my illnesses), talk to your Dr. you may have to have the dose of Prozac raised and anti-anxiety med's added. I take those. Yes you are right You must get yourself sorted out, we can not play fair with others if we are are not playing with a full deck. Set your goal and keep it in the center of your mind. We are with you, and will support you. Sprinkle 1

[Sprinkle1 in reply to WebbAnd13]

Hi, I am glad you are reaching out, seeking help, being positive and I am so glad you have a sponsor. In the morning while in the bathroom, freshening up, look in the mirror and say "I love you". That is what my therapist taught me as I hated myself. It is a lovely feeling. Try it. You now have a clean slate as it is 1 st of year, you can do it. We are pulling for you. I send you love and success. Sprinkle 1