Depression is compounded by job worries and missing my ex-wife

[CosmoVegas]

I've had depression for many years and it's gotten worse in the last 2 years due to my wife divorcing me and because I am seriously worried about losing my job. Every day, I think about my ex-wife and miss her terribly. I loved her when we were together and I still do. I cannot get her out of my mind or my heart. The last time I saw her, which was well over a year ago, she said she had "moved on." She has made no effort to contact me. I know that she loved me too, but she initiated the divorce after only 15 months of marriage. We had many incredible times together and I saw her as my soul mate. Now I'm a very lonely and heartbroken person who struggles just to get out of bed every day. My depression has gotten worse. I'm in counseling but it's not helping.

[erikaseibs]

Thank you for sharing. I am very sorry about your divorce, but I believe that everything happens for a reason. When one door closes, another opens.

Therapy may not be helping, but that doesn’t mean you’re hopeless. Therapy didn’t help me much either. Meditation, exercise, engaging in positive activities (such as going to a movie or going on a walk), and journaling did. Everybody is different, and healing times vary. Just remember that you are not alone!

[CosmoVegas in reply to erikaseibs]

Thank you for your response. I keep thinking (or fantasizing) that my ex-wife will wake up one day & realize she still loves me and want to reconcile. But she's a very beautiful woman, with a lot to offer, and I would be surprised if she did not have a new man in her life. However, I am still "stuck" on her & would take her back in a heartbeat. I cannot even fathom being with another woman and have, in fact, avoided social situations since the divorce because I have no enthusiasm for dating. Amid all of this, however, I resent the fact that she gave up on our marriage so quickly. It was her 2nd marriage and my third, and we both told each other that it would be our last and best marriage. I was devastated when she announced in front of our children that she was divorcing me. I fought the divorce and begged her to go into counseling, but she refused. I was in shock for a few months after the breakup, and then started grieving the loss. I'm still grieving it, every single day. I cannot fathom finding someone new, who will make me feel the way she did and whom I can love the way I loved her (and still do). I appreciate your comments about mediation and exercise, etc., and found one activity (volleyball) that I enjoy doing. But otherwise, I do very little except take care of my teenage daughter, of whom I have primary custody.

[SirGrits]

Hey CosmoVegas I agree with erikaseibs about the other activities, especially journaling. I encourage you to stay the course on therapy.

If you have a church, consider joining a divorce group; most churches have that. You need not share your experience, just hang out with them and absorb the common experiences.

As cliche as it is to say that there's plenty of life out there to live, it doesn't make it any less true. Try to start letting yourself believe that.

[CosmoVegas in reply to SirGrits]

Thank you for your comments. My life has essentially been on hold since the end of my marriage. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her and miss the good times we had. I'm still somewhat in shock that she ended the marriage after just 15 months, and only 2 months after we renewed our vows! I don't think I'll ever again meet anyone with whom I can share the kind of physical and emotional chemistry that I had with her. People keep telling me to "just get over it" but I don't think they understand how much I loved her and cared for her.

I'll take your advice & call around to local churches, to try and find a divorce support group.

[Agora1 in reply to CosmoVegas]

CosmoVegas, affairs of the heart are one of the most difficult to go through.

The hurt runs deep because your loss is not through natural causes but a decision

on her part. I believe you when you say you are still deeply in love with her and miss

her everyday. The thing is, it doesn't sound like it was a 2 way feeling. Something changed in that short time that made her want to leave another marriage. I wish there

were a magic pill you could take that would alleviate the hole in your heart right now.

Unfortunately, only time can help us get through love lost. When someone is out of our lives, we tend to fantasize only about the good moments but good moments don't

make someone walk away. Give yourself the time you need to grieve and to heal. You

can't anticipate if and when someone else may come along that you will have this amazing physical and emotional chemistry but it can happen when you least expect it.

You can't look for it. Love happens all by itself. Meanwhile, therapy can help as well as

keeping busy. Talking on the forum with others having gone through the same thing can help you not feel so alone. There are no guarantees in Life. But sometimes things

happen that are a "once in a lifetime" meeting. And if and when that happens, you will

know immediately and realize that "Life is Good" x

[CosmoVegas in reply to Agora1]

It's now been five years since my wife divorced me and I'm still in essentially the same place, mentally and emotionally. I still love her and miss her. I haven't had female companionship since my wife left me in January 2017, and I've had a very lonely existence. Due to the pandemic I haven't had many opportunities for socializing, and online dating (such as match.com) hasn't been successful. I keep waiting to find the "amazing physical and emotional chemistry" you mentioned but I feel like it's not in the cards for me.

[Txnut60]

I’m so sorry. You can text me anytime.