I am a 51 year old that has destroyed two marriages due to my addiction to substances. I have been severely depressed since June of this year. I was separated from my current wife when she said she could just not take it any more. She acts like she is being coached by someone, as it just does not sound like her and her emotional check-out toward me was a complete surprise. I have had health issues with my heart, thyroid and substances. 4 hospital stays in 6 months. This after I was a caregiver to my wife due to her undiagnosed illness. Stress is at an all time high. No money, job at risk, Support from family and friend, but I am not getting any better. I have started seeing a Therapist. Wife not interested in working with her. She wanted to go straight to divorce, not separation and try to work on our marriage. I have to decided to fight for the marriage as I love her as no one else. She is my reason to be. Worth the work.
Any thoughts or suggestions on how to fight all of my issues and try to get better.
BTW, I am 78 days clean and on Prozac 40mg. I actually contacted the help line last night due to I was as low as I can get. Sigh.
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WebbAnd13
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Sorry I don't know much about this but I have much anxiety and great worry for my marriage as of late. My therapist is helpful to me but I still need to walk forward daily. That's great you're clean some time now and that you love your wife. There are trust issues in my marriage. I just made a post on loving a spouse deeply and I'm hoping my husband is not making new relationships with other women because he's yet to learn to be open and vulnerable to me. Your wife might just not trust you being clean if you had issues with it in the past. It takes time for building back trust. I hope my husband desires to share enough of him so I can trust him in what I don't know what's going on with him as of late. Best wishes. Keep doing what you know can make you happy. I'm 39y
I am so pleased someone reached out. I just wish I could hit the reset button, but I know in my heart and soul, that is not possible. I am sorry for your situation and what he may or may not being doing. Just remember it is not totally your fault and work hard 0n your self and he will follow. I pray.
I just don’t get it, being open and vulnerable is part of them marriage process. I have done this for my wife, but it, I am afraid, as seen as weakness. Do not assume that weakness equaled submissive or soft. I am a man with a backbone, but I want the best for all that I touch, so I may sacrifice to give you what you want. The way it is. If he will not work with you give it time, I have been advised the Same, and see how they reacted, or how they talk, see you. If it is just a piece of property, then see your later, if not or you don’t think they are Capable of doing the same to you. Then examine the current situation as it will not change. I pray for you and your situation, I hope it works our the way you are expecting. For me, IDK, it will play out on it’s one but I refuse to be passive. I will do what it takes that when I see my Heavenly Father, I can say, I have made many mistakes and have violated may of your laws, but I did my best to be with the one you made for me. If it does not work, I have no idea what is next.
WebbAnd13, first of all congratulations on being 78 days clean. A great accomplishment. Prozac should help you feel more stabilized. I'm glad you reached out to a help line last night. Although we aren't trained in counseling, remember we are always here to support and comfort you when times are low.
I'm sorry about your personal situation going on right now. We all have our own tolerance levels of what we can cope with. Right now there is nothing you can do about her decision but you can help yourself in how you react to that decision in order to keep your anxiety lower. Right now, it's all about you going forward and getting well. You have a lot to cope with and you need a clear mind and stamina to continue getting better. Don't allow this to let you slip back. Keep going forward. We all understand difficult paths in our lives and are always ready to help support another forum member because we care.
I wish you well and remember we are only a message away. x
Ok, I had an evening at my and my wife's house, due to she asked me to do a clean up chore for her. I gladly said yes, and planned to be there just long enough to get it done, get cleaned up and pack a few items that I missed in my continuing move from our home to an hotel and then apartment. She gets home and it is all about her and her kids. I listened and tried to advise, but was cut off and told I am interrupting, to the point she threatened to kick me out of the house and make me live with not having a place to spend the rest of the time off before I get into my Apartment. She was correct, I was interrupting, but the level I was, it was nothing like we have done in the past and she not once in our marriage or dating she had said that. Who else is involved in this. If I am fighting 2, I need to know, not fair to not face your adversary. BTW, I have had 1 meal and 5 hours of sleep in the last two days. I have lost 52 pounds since the 1st issue in June. I was at 225 lbs. My Heart Doc said I have to get to a 25 BMI and I have that, just not the way it was meant to be.
Well, we moved past that and I went to work on my stuff, but was totally taken a back by my mom, that called just to check on me and I unloaded on her about the last two days and how low I had gotten. Well she does not get it and by the time we were done, I think she thought I was going to go kill myself. Thankfully, by the end of the call, I thought I had helped her understand, after my wife came into the office and I had to hang up, that I am trying to injure myself and I don't know what is next.
Then as I was hanging up with my mom, a longtime friend that is a preacher, called to check in on me. We have not talked in a week and he was shocked how bad it had gotten in the past few days. So, I dumped my life and times on him and by the time we were finishing up, he was praying for me to just make it one step at a time. Sigh, nothing to help me, just concern and the obliged " you will bet better with time". Sad, no one can help that is close to you, due to you don't want to them to have anything close to what we are going thru, but they have no clue what to say or help with. Too bad, just the right word or action would be the best for me and all of us.
Appreciate y'all listening. Been quite a bad few days. I hope it is better, but with my wife going to her "other home" with her mother next door and no one to understand
WebbAnd13, I apologize in that I have just received your response today. You are right in that people find it hard to know what to say in intense positions such as yours. Only a professional counselor would be able to help you see this through. Please let us know that you are safe right now and what plans you have made in getting help emotionally and physically.
Thanks so much for your reply. I am safe and will see my therapist tomorrow. It is also moving day for me. Not looking forward to that. There is not one thing that I look at and not think of her. Broke completely down last night. New Year, nothing happy about it.
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