Taking antidepressants can be an opportunity to change things in your life which could bring great benefits

[Kkimm]

I am responding to a post put up some time ago in which a question was raised about whether others have found that taking antidepressants can give you the confidence to change some negative influences in your life which you had lived with even prior to your illness. I have pondered on this long enough to forget who put up the post but thank you for giving me this food for thought.

In my case I have definitely found that this has been a very useful side of suddenly becoming ill with severe anxiety and taking medication as a necessity. Prior to becoming ill I thought I was a strong, confident, optimistic person. I had had a challenging rewarding career. I was dissatisfied with some aspects of my life and the quality of some important relationships but could not see a way to change these and thought I had chosen my path and had to live with it.

My journey through anxiety has lead me to examine these areas in my life and then work through the necessary changes with a partner, a sibling and then a friend.

It has lead me to making much more productive and positive use of my time and finding new ways to enjoy my life to the full. The doubts and problems I could see when contemplating taking on any new activity began to melt away and I am now living a much fuller life that I was before I became ill. Interestingly I have read some research referred to recently which suggests antidepressants can lead to new pathways forming in the brain.

Within my established relationships I had not realised I was being taken for granted and even bullied at times. When it became clear this was the case I at first became very angry, but then gradually saw what I needed to do and had the courage to do it.

In the case of my partner the relationship has been strengthened as a result. I no longer allow myself to think that I am the cause of all the problems and know that like others I do deserve to be loved. I can also see where my self doubts had caused me to over react and my need to solve everything for everyone, could at times make matters worse.

In the case of the sibling I have been able to draw boundaries and not allow myself to be bullied, repeating the patterns established in childhood. I began to understand the mental health problems that person was experiencing and whilst sympathizing not allow them to play out their own anger and distress through me.

Finally in the case of the friend I have realized that very gradually I was being treated in a more and more selfish way and that I was better off without this sort of friendship despite the fact that I had gained through it in the past and brought it to a close.

I have been able to make more and stronger friendships since becoming ill with GAD and taking Venlafaxine as treatment, than at anytime in my life prior to my illness. I think it has had the effect of reducing inhibition a little and helping me to see more clearly because I am not being dominated by feelings of inadequacy which I had not really been conscious of. I am able to relax with new people I had previously been a bit awkward with, probably because if hidden feelings of inferiority.

The journey of going through severe anxiety, treatment through medication, support from some amazing people around me and taking on the challenges of facing up to my fears, by taking little steps every day, has been the most profound experience of my life. You will note I said profound, not wonderful. Going through anxiety is a challenging, terrifying and amazing journey. In my view, learning to live with anxiety or depression is one of the bravest things a person can achieve in life and in some ways I would not have missed it for the world! In other ways I would do anything to spare myself or others from having had to live through it.

I am in no way failing to acknowledge the suffering it causes, just saying that it also can be a medium for growth. We can definitely learn from the experience, change our lives for the better, and become a wiser and stronger person as a result.

When you are in the depth of severe anxiety or depression it will be hard to see this but when you come out the other side, as you surely will do, you may be able to realise ways in which you may have gained from the experience, if only that you will be aware that the small worries in life are so insignificant by comparison.

Do allow yourself to feel that you are a brave and worthwhile person and you have a great contribution to make to the world.

Kim.

[Mongea]

I needed that today as I’m on day four of waking up anxious after having a couple great weeks! Ten weeks in and still so up and down.

[Kkimm in reply to Mongea]

Hi Mongea.

Glad it helped you to feel better.

It is so difficult deciding what to do regarding antidepressants. I know I found it so difficult at times until after 4 months it was really clear it was helping me because up to that point I kept having doubts. All sorts of new symptoms would come up and I would think I have never had that before taking Venlafaxine but there it was. These included a constant ache in my stomach which started about two months in and continued for a month then disappeared in a day. I also did not have my fear of going out and even talking to anyone on the phone until a few weeks after starting treatment.

When did you first develop your anxiety and do you have any idea why it came on.

What I think with me is that it came on so suddenly after a traumatic event and I had been so well before that I sort treatment after only a few weeks. Then the full symptoms of the condition kept on developing during my first month's of taking the drugs so I thought for ages that they were making me worse. Then in some ways fairly suddenly I found I was feeling better. One of the first times I noticed was when I did my usual going to town because I had to take a pair of shoes back to a shop. Normally I would have scuttled back home as soon as I had done this but I found myself choosing to window shop and wander for a while. By the time I got back to my car I was feeling really ill but I had a feeling of elation because I knew this was a sign of real progress. That was 4 months in. I then kept a diary of good and bad days and at first this was about 50 50 but gradually there were more and more good ones.

Like you one of my main early symptoms was complete loss of appetite and from after the first week I consistently felt good in that respect so that helped to to realise the antidepressant was helping me even though other distressing symptoms started. All have gone now except odd bits of breathlessness, mainly in the morning.

I think someone else had some good advice. She too had been taking Ativan and found weaning off difficult and increase anxiety.

Well must stop now but really good luck whatever you decide to do.

[Mongea in reply to Kkimm]

My anxiety started after my hysterectomy in October. Before then I had normal anxiety here and there but around a month after surgery it really escalated. I started meds and counseling in December. I really hate to give up on the Zoloft because it’s helped me get to where I’m at... I’m thinking continuing to increase might be the key. Sounds like I can go up to 200 if necessary. I also need to get off the Ativan so I can see what the Zoloft is doing for me.

[Laniben]

Just seen your post on antidepressants I didn’t want to take them really but doctor said I need them for a while they’re quite a mild one, only been taking them for 8 days so far so guess they haven’t kicked in yet, never taken before so I didn’t know how long they’d take to work but a friend of mine said they need to get into your system properly first so I’ve got to be patient I suppose. I’ve also got some very mild sleeping pills if I need them and took one last night as I’ve had trouble with sleep which makes me feel weepy and lifeless all day I still feel tired this morning, but not going to take them all the time got need to go with the glow. Feel a little shaky as well. Weird how anxiety can alter your life so very much x

[Kkimm in reply to Laniben]

Hi Laniben.

You are very early days yet in starting your antidepressants. It might help you to see some more posts I wrote to bluestars725 around 16 days ago about first starting antidepressants. They cover things like getting the environment right to give yourself the best chance for them to work etc.

I hope they work as well for you as for me. You may find very low dose of a less powerful antidepressant is not as effective but it is a good way to start if you are very nervous about it. You can always increase the dose if you feel you need to if your doctor agrees

Very good luck.

Kim

[Laniben]

Thank you Kkimm, yes i know, patience with myself isnt good and i expect miracles which is silly i know. I will have a look at the posts later on.

My grandaughter has just made a suggestion that she comes over and we could go on a bus together to the shops for a little while. I really want to as i havent done it for ages, but kind of scared at the same time and i Woke up a little shaky inside this morning. Do i go or dont i? I know its only me that can answer that really but sometimes reassurance helps 😐

[Kkimm in reply to Laniben]

Hi Laniben.

I think it is great that your granddaughter has offered to take you on a bus. Trying to do little challenges everyday is really important in progressing. That one might be a big challenge for you but if you think you can do it go ahead because it will represent really big progress. I kept pushing myself to do things I was scared of all the time and it really helped. At first I made the mistake of thinking it was a failure if I did the challenge but felt really bad while doing it but now realise that it does not matter how you feel, the important thing is that you do it. You can then feel really pleased you did it and know that you are on the road to recovery. What is important is to ignore the symptoms and do it anyway. They are only anxiety and cannot hurt you. That way gradually you stop being afraid of them and they no longer have any power over you and will slowly decrease and then disappear completely.

I always loved going out walking with my daughter, partner or friends before I became ill with GAD. Then I found I was really afraid of doing it. The other thing I had loved was going out for meals and again that was something that scared me most. It was as if anxiety found the things I really loved and took them away from me. That lead to depression also as I started to think that life would never hold any pleasure for me again. I still went out walking but would feel increasingly sick and light headed and had a sense of doom as the walk went on. I would finish the walk but at first feel really upset that it had made me feel so ill as I saw it as a sign of how ill I was and that I might never get better. Then someone suggested a whole new way of looking at it for me. They said that when athletes run, they try to reach "the burn", which is almost breaking point, then they run on through the pain. They said when I start to feel ill on a walk I should see it as the burn, as an achievement that I feel that bad but continue anyway and break through it. So that was what I tried to do. I found it hard at first but tried to tell myself I actually wanted the symptoms so that I could show I had reached the burn and conquered it by carrying on anyway. Gradually this worked completely and I am now able to really love walking again. You could perhaps try to approach things like that if you feel it could help you. Tell yourself that it does not matter how scared you are or how ill you feel, you can even welcome the fear so you have a chance to work through it and it will very gradually loose it's power over you.

If however going on the bus is too big a step at this stage you could instead suggest you and your granddaughter just walk to the bus stop this time etc and gradually build up that way.

Whatever you decide to do however small a step, feel pleased and know that you are progressing towards recovery and your antidepressants are helpful and will support you to do this.

You may find you get new symptoms while on them you never had before and think you are getting worse and be tempted to stop, but be reassured that is really normal and still further progress towards your recovery.

Very good luck to you and all who are at this stage of recovery.

Kim

[Shaymocha111]

I’m scared to take the medicine but every morning I think I’m going to have a heart attack or stroke

[Kkimm in reply to Shaymocha111]

Hi Shaymocha

I really feel for you and have been through the same fears myself. Try reading my replies to bluestars725 as she too was very afraid to start antidepressants. I am guessing it is antidepressants that you are fearful of. If you have health anxiety it is very common to be fearful of having a heart attack or stroke. It is very likely you have symptoms that make you fear this. They are very common symptoms of anxiety and I think you should discuss them with your doctor who will be able to reassure you. If he or she suggests tests it will be routine to rule things out. You will also then get the opportunity to see if she or he thinks that taking antidepressants or other appropriate medication will be helpful for you.

My thoughts and good wishes are with you.

Kim