I think i am making my anxiety worse, why?

[Cjonesabq]

I have panic disorder and i take buspar, prozac, wellbrurin daily and Lorazepam as needed (although my GP wants me off this). I cry a lot out of fear and it brings me relief but here lately when i try to cry i cant (i think the wellbrutin has helped the crying). But yet i still want to cry when i am afraid and this seems to be most of the time. I go through the motions and get upset and my mouth shivers like i am crying but no tears. I think i am doing this to myself, making it harder on myself, but why?

I saw my gp yesterday but she made no changes in meds and basically said so what other things can we do, like mindfulnes, breathing, meditation and exercise. I didnt ask for changes to my meds but today i called to speak with the nurse to request we try something different because i feel as though i am suffering needlessly and i feel panicked when i have to go somewhere under a time constraint, like picking my child up from school everyday. I cryed all the way driving to counseling today but i did it yet why should the suffering be so great.

Do i make any sense at all?

It comes to mind that i dont feel i have a purpose and have made very few friends since we moved here last summer. So i am anxious everyday and it is a vicious loop. Is it possible that i have made having anxiety my purpose and cant stop myself? Boy, that sounds dumb huh?

Thanks for letting me share

[Agora1]

Cjonesabq, Everything you are saying, does make sense. I don't think any one of us wants to make anxiety their purpose in life. It just seems like that because it is so overly consuming. Crying is a release when stress gets overwhelming. I think the fact your doctor didn't make any changes to your medications shows that you need that crutch at this time. As for trying other methods while on meds is a great idea. That usually goes hand in hand along with therapy. I use deep breathing and meditation which actually does more than the meds did for me. I hope you look into using some of these other modalities that you can use when having to go out. Deep breathing while driving or doing errands will help calm both your mind and body.

You may not be ready right now to meet and greet a lot of neighbors but it will eventually happen. One step at a time. First we have to break that vicious loop of daily anxiety. Feel more comfortable in your own body and mind. Then you can make it a great day, every day.

[Cjonesabq in reply to Agora1]

I think you are exactly right that i want to use the medication as a crutch. Thank you for providing some clarity. I am trying to take small steps each day. My most intense fear is that there is something wrong with my heart and i end up checking my pulse repeatedly and cry, feeling certain that something bad will happen. The truth is that the doctor has listened to my heart, had a normal ekg and full blood work and all looks to be ok. I am trying to counter my fears with the truth of the situation.

I have begun listening to a daily meditation, drinking more water and better eating and practicing breathing. I am trying to take a short walk every day and also get out of the house at least once everyday to go somewhere. It is not easy but one day at a time. It has been a better day today and i got out for a few hours to work my part-time job. On the way home i cried, not because i was afraud but because i did make the trip! It was a small step but everyone counts!

[Agora1 in reply to Cjonesabq]

Cjonesabq, You're doing everything right. I cry too when I accomplish small feats. It's an emotional success. Continue the daily meditation, more water, better eating and deep breathing. It will get you there. Also understanding and accepting anxiety as not harmful will give you the power to overcome the fear. Take care and remember you are strong, but the forum is always there to help each other along. x

[Spkleandshine]

Great job getting yourself to your appointment🤗 I moved two hours away from my family and friends last May and I recently (Within the last few months) have been having serious anxiety. I have no friends here or family and do feel alone quite often. I have been feeling better since starting work recently which I felt would be mission impossible because of the anxiety but it all has worked out nicely. I have a way to go but I know things will get better for us. Your not alone😊

[Cjonesabq in reply to Spkleandshine]

Thank you, i have been thinking about a full- time job as i feel i have lost my purpose once we moved here last summer. I hope you are making friends at your job and that will help tour loneliness. Nice not to be alone