I am close to giving up!

This dark place is closing in on me and i cant stop the walls.

i feel s**t for having depression

I feel s**t for f**king everything up with something i can not control.

I try to win a fight that i know i will not win!

This is just a shell of who I was and I just feel lost and empty, i have few friends and i feel all I do is put my shit on them everyday.

I miss having a smile at funny things and the feeling of being happy.

This is all gone and I miss everything I was!

i can not stop thinking of the man i was and i cant find a picture of that in my head!

I have lost myself my personality.

I am just a image of myself walking this earth.

9 Replies

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  • x you are a good person x you are stronger than you relise at the moment, try listening to some uplifting tunes, not f-ing radiohead or james blunt lol x have you ever tried art as a form of self therapy. i find combining the two can be rewarding and it may help put a smile back on that cheeky face x hope u feel better soon mate x

  • Hey, I can share the feeling. I get real mad at myself for being such a pathetic specimen of mankind, easily overwhelmed, anxious and depressed.

    But....that being said, I also realise, sometimes its just a matter of perspective. When we suffer from anxiety, we tend to view everything as what I term "armageddon occurring". So one event which someone not suffering from anxiety may brush away, we rack it up, and each event adds up until we feel so lost. We are also not our own best friend, as we tend to beat ourselves up for whatever happens and whatever we feel.

    Best advice I can give at the moment, is to just take a step back, do something which requires you to immerse yourself totally in the activity so you have no time to replay your thoughts. Right now, you really don't want to have an internal dialogue with yourself. Most of the time, once you're done with your activity, you'll feel better. When you feel better, your perspective of things tends to be better and you realise things ain't so bad afterall.

    Good luck!

  • Ooo trip, I really feel for u, I can remember not that long ago I felt in such in such a state, and I was lost, the old me gone. I felt that this was going to be me forever. Do listen to sum relaxation music, and even go for a walk to the shop to get some air. Its does help but when ur feeling like that its hard to push urself. Do sumthing relaxing that u know will help u chill out. I'm sure ur friends do not mind u talking to them, that's what friend are for. U will get better and in time u will c a postive change in urself. U will c a bit of the old u reappear sending u my love xxx

  • I feel the same way as you as tho i am existing sometimes and dont feel as though i am on this planet i feel withdrawn and depressed and really cant get my head round these panic attacks asking why me but at the moment am putting my confidence in all these great people on here who tell me it will get easier and for the sake of my family keep putting one foot in front of the other keep in there i know how you are feeling really dont let it win i am feeling just like you xx

  • hi Trip, sorry you are feeling so bad today. As Whywhy mentioned on your video blog, you saw your girls Sat so this could be why you are feeling so bad at the mo, the 'comedown' from the excitement and joy of seeing them. is there something you could arrange on a Sunday to fill the time, a lunchtime drink with your friends, a trip to the gym? I know that feeling of putting on your friends, we all feel they have their own Lives etc, etc, but if they are true friends they will want to help. we will all get through these times, with the help of each other. kaz xx

  • Thank you guys and gals, i mean that so much, i think it has been a number of things today and i know what they have been.

    .passed my old flat where i lived with my kids.

    .then on the way home in the car drove pass my Ex of 8 years,she didn't see me but i did see her she looked so happy without me, and then theirs my a mess and a shell.

    .and yes also seeing my girls after a hard week and then to have to let them go! it kills me.

    thank you again for all you comments, i'm just about to put up my Vlog,this one is hard for me as I just went for it when feeling so down.

  • Hi

    I was just like you a couple of months back... In the darkest place imaginable. It's awful but with the right therapy I am learning to rationalise my thought a little better. I spot them and stop them in their horrid little traps. I write them down and go thrust each one rationlising them like I would with my own little boy if he was aving the same thoughts. I bet u do this all the time with ure little girls... Well it's time to be kind to ure self and try to do the same. It's not easy I won't lie to u, it's taken me time but now I am much nicer to myself and I don't beat myself up so much.

    I've learnt to take each day at a time and I talk to two very gud friends of mine. I make time for me and av started to put myself first. I only find time for those whom make time for me. I cherish the gud moment sum days its only a few minutes but that's a gud start. I can now av gud weeks ( rare but they do happen )

    U wil get thru this my friend with patience. Please try to be kind to ure self as that's the first step to recovery.

    keep on talking on here

    Jayne

  • Thinking about you T , cant add more than has already been said

    Take Care & looking forward to your next blog

    Love

    whywhy

    xxx

  • Hi trip my heart goes out to you and all i can say it what everyone else on here says, and that is try to keep strong because it WILL get better. I was in that desperate dark place for around three months and finally i'm starting to feel better, which i didn't think was possible during that time, but do you realise you are young enough to make a go of life with someone else and you have your children who love you ? This may seem a distant dream at the moment but as you recover all things are possible. I know this may sound silly at the moment when you feel so down but keep on keeping on and posting your blogs which we look forward to xx

    ruby x

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