I just wanted to write an inspiring post for others that when you ARE ready to work on it it WILL get better. Biggest step is to accept anxiety. I knew I had it but I truly didn't accept it. I was trying to fight it and make it go away and act like it wasn't there instead of saying yeah it is there but now I have to live my life with it. I finally started saying that and I started talking about it. I started learning about myself more and REALLY learning about myself. I am seeing a therapist it DOES help. Maybe your first therapist wasn't great or second or third but don't give up there is one out there for you trust me. I realized where my anxiety stemmed from and that I like to push people away. I realized my anxiety is my own (in a sense) comfort zone. I look for anxiety to comfort me because I have always had it. It stemmed from awhile ago which is why I always think, "wait what do I have to worry about again?" But not that I realize I have it it HAS gotten better. I am much happier and starting to take vitamin D too (btw people vitamins HELP this time of year and they are NOT medicine as I will not take medicine unless I necessarily have to to even function). I was not going to let this anxiety control my life and it is hard to say that to yourself but one day you just wake up FED UP with it all. Fed up with the worrying feelings the racing thoughts the stomach pains where it makes you want to puke the crying the hate the confusion as to WHY is this happening and WHY isn't it a quick fix.
It isn't a quick fix...but there is a fix and that is working on yourself. Best thing for anxiety is when you focus on it. I picture anxiety like a blob basically and the more I focus on it the more I am feeding it and it is growing and growing and growing until it is enveloping me into its blob and I am worrying like crazy and the only way to get out is screaming and crying and having a melt down to get my brain back into order. Now I have not had one of these in years (it was back with an ex because I was not strong enough to deal with the anxiety then) but now I am. I have a loving and supportive boyfriend who understands where my anxiety stems from and that I push people away a lot and my anxiety does that to me when I get close to someone. It really does that with relationships due to my past and due to my parents divorce and me not understanding relationships. I figured there was a factual way relationships have to be and if they don't follow that it is all hell and it is over. If you are not 100% giddy and excited to always see that other person than something is wrong. But that isn't true. You will still be looking forward to seeing them but it is a new looking forward too. It isn't that same in the beginning relationship it is a new comfortable and loving feeling which was new and different to me and something I am still learning about.
You need to learn about yourself when you have anxiety. learn what you can and cant handle and even the stem of it. Talking it out is the best thing to do and sometimes medication is what you need but that is OK it doesn't make you any different and doesn't make you "not normal" because who is to define what normal is?
Just wanting to let you know there is a way and there is a bright light....you just have to be ready to work to it and be aware it won't go away in a day or a week or a month but it WILL get better slowly and surely.