A better day to be positive

So, I had a wonderful time with my boyfriend last night! It was like my anxiety disappeared! I was not going to let it ruin such a wonderful evening with him and we had a great time! It was loving and passionate and very like us again! Anytime my anxiety even tried to peak I shut it down by focusing on other things. I focused on the seconds I had in life. I focused on what I was doing how I was breathing how he was breathing and how peaceful and calm it was in the vicinity of each other. I talked to myself in my head basically saying "ok you are breathing, you are watching tv, you are holding his hand, his hand feels warm, you are feeling calm" and just brought myself back into reality. It won't fix itself I know that but it is a daily thing to work on. I think it starts up when I am not around him because it makes me worry about something...I am not sure what so if anyone has any idea that would be great! It feels like when I am not around him my anxiety works itself up and when I am with him it just relaxes....not sure what that is supposed to mean? But it was wonderful I felt all my passion for him and just the urge and desire to kiss him and hold him and love him. It was amazing but I still know it will take time to work on and my biggest thing to work on is when I am not with him. Any ideas or suggestions as to why my mind might be doing that when we are not together?

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  • I am happy to hear you had a good night with your boyfriend ☺ I honestly am the same way! When my boyfriend gets here at night after he is done with work I feel much better and calm about things. Not sure what it is. But as far as staying calm when he isn't around im not really sure. Do you like coloring? Or even writing? Maybe lay down and watch a good movie and just think about your boyfriend. Or think of happy things. Its hard to say. But glad you had a good night ☺☺☺

  • HEy Rissa, I thought I replied apparently it did not go through lol. But I do like coloring and so forth it is when I am alone and I think of my boyfriend it comes up. I worry why I don't have that same butterfly excited feeling that I got in the beginning of my relationship and that brings up my anxiety. But I started to realize as relationships become more serious that feeling won't always be there. There will be other exciting moments but I won't feel that feeling every day. It is when my mind starts racing and is like do you love him or do you not? how do you know? oh my gosh why do you think you are having these stomach pains? duh it isn't anxiety its me tellin you to end it! and thats when I freak and I just cry and picture my life without him and just bawl (has only happened once but I picture my life without him and my entire body crumbles and feels empty) so thats when my anxiety peaks and then im calm and I love thinking of him but I don't want to keep having those freak outs is all. I love being with him and having him around me it is just so weird that this time of year I get this way. It happened 2 years ago with my ex at the EXACT same time I would freak out no reason at all but my parents also got divorced this time of year.

    If you ever need help or support when you are alone feel free to message me and I can help talk you through your anxiety too :)

  • Well first off I think it's awesome that you find joy, peace, and calm in the mist of this anxiety storm whenever you are with him. I think period that love or the feeling of love about someone is always what is missing or the key to being happy. So I get exactly what you mean. But to answer you I cN say for myslef that I'm kind of have that same problem. Even though my relationship with my daughters dad is not as in the same state as you and your boyfriend (we are not really together but he is there for me right now in this rough patch I'm going through) which I'm very thankful for. So I wouldn't quite say I have those passionate emotions like you have when your with your boyfriend but I am glad however that I have him there with me to help me. So but anyway, I go through the same things. When he's not around I feel alone, I get afraid, the anxiety creeps on me more, I get to thinking the worse, or like I can't handle anxiety when he's not around. But soon as he shows up its like a calmness comes over my thoughts. I think for me it's the fact that I just don't want to be alone when going through this so indeed when I find myself alone then it all kicks I'm and I'm afraid and worried. And i sometimes wonder what does it mean when I get this sudden calmness when he's around. But I know for sure for me it's a subconscious thing in my mind that I don't like to be alone right now and I need someone around incase something bad happens. But not to say your thing may be different. But either way I can imagine how awesome it feels to feel this way when you are with someone and you are in to him and he is in to you

  • Thanks so much! I have been having a lot of anxiety the past few weeks and this was one of the first times I realized how much less it is around him. I actually had NONE! my anxiety would get really high randomly and hurt my stomach and I would immediately think of him and think oh my gosh do I love him do I not? What if I don't? no i do love him what is wrong with me. But then it would get so high I would just think of him and my anxiety would shoot so high up I would think oh gosh I have to end it I just can't deal with this I am not that giddy excited anymore with him. But I have come to realize that you won't always have that in a relationship. I get it still with him randomly and I crave him constantly but it isn't the same as the honeymoon stage like when we are getting to know each other which scared me. I thought I didn't have feelings for him anymore or something was wrong (this happened actually the EXACT same time 2 years ago with my ex literally at the end of september early october but I was not strong enough to really work on myself and just constantly relied on him which isn't healthy we can only rely on ourselves). I thought the same thing but I couldn't even have a single day even when I was with my ex without having anxiety my stomach would hurt my mind would race and I would just constantly cry. But with my boyfriend now it is different. I still love and want him and crave different aspects of him and kissing and sexually too. I just don't know how this came up it literally was one day at the end of september beginning of october I woke up and boom anxiety and I geared it towards my boyfriend and I have NO idea why. Not sure if it is a seasonal thing and I need more vitamin D or what?

    I understand what you are going through though. With your ex husband there is a connection there. There is a past and a connection through having a marriage, a child, and a previous life together. So in that sense it is a comfort zone to you. You remember all the feelings you had and how comfortable you were with someone who knows you and knows how you act and how to handle you. Thats what I think could also be holding you back is the fear of going outside the comfort zone and trying to be on your own? Correct me if I am wrong of course but just giving another option to help you try to get out of that zone.

  • Yes you are right about most of it. It's me living in that comfort zone. We never married but we were together 6 years before I got pregnant with our now 6 year old daughter so even though we had a break in our relationship we split up when she was born but we still was constantly in each others space. I still continued to help him out through a lot of his struggle. So it's like we were apart but not really. I do feel like I never gave my self a fair chance to move on with my life or to even see if I'd find the love of my life or man of my life because I never really let our relationship completely go. But yes basically 12 years of still being in his space with a little separation between us. But now he's here though helping through my struggle because ironically he went through the same thing years ago when we were in a relationship but he said he didn't know how to tell me what he was going through plus he said he never had anyone helping him through it. But I honestly appreciate his support for me through this. But on an honest note, it's like I'm still stuck on what to do with our relationship. Cuz now it's like I don't know what to think of this an what should I do because I feel like I shouldn't force myself to feel like I need to be with him all because he is here for support. I love him but the passion and the real love was tarnished years ago when we split up. It was a very stressful relationship for me. We had some good times but mostly alot of bad. But I still stuck with it and put up with alot more than I deserved. And I'd like to think he aided in alot of stress in my life which I try to let it go and not hold on to it after all these years but I do at times. Anyway, but that's why I say I know your feelings too. I wish I had that feeling right now. I believe love conquers all and is the key. So I can imagine how being around your boyfriend can make you forget you have anxiety.

  • Aw lady I'm so sorry to hear this ! But it's hard because if how many years you've spent together . Remember people grow and mature maybe there still is a spark but you've thrown that idea out that you just relate to negativity . If he's there for you now it shows he has grown a bit. See how it goes and don't shut down feelings you may or may not have. If you don't then realize there is someone else for you too. You aren't alone either and you just have to take it day by day. Know love concurs all.

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