Advice to become more dependent on myself

[hitbyasegway]

I have had many therapists tell me I am a codependent. Because of this, I tend to gravitate towards narcissists when it comes to relationships, which is essentially the root of my anxiety. The relationship I am in now is -somewhat- healthy. We are just going through a rough patch currently, which is why I say somewhat. My question is, how can I become more dependent on myself and less dependent on my boyfriend? When I get into a relationship I cling to the person and almost become a second version of them. I lose myself, and then if they leave, I have nothing to fall back on because they became all I was focused on. People say hang out with friends and find hobbies, which I do currently. I need advice more in the mental state of things. Like, tonight, we had a tiff over the fact that he isn't vocal about how he feels about me and that he isn't as romantic. I want to learn how to be okay even if he doesn't tell me how amazing I am every day. I want to be so sure in myself that I don't even realize if he is romantic or not.

[BossMom2019]

I swear this sounds like me and I hate it... well except we’re not together anymore

[hitbyasegway in reply to BossMom2019]

I'm sorry I'm not sure what your story is, but I hope that you being on your own is what is healthiest and best for you right now. If it's not, I pray you find what your soul needs. I'm convinced God doesn't do anything by accident. You are exactly where he wants you to be right now. I saw you say in a post one time that you're 22. I'm not a mom, but I am 22 as well so if you need someone to talk to feel free to message me

[BossMom2019 in reply to hitbyasegway]

Thank you 💙

[Sunshine425]

I went through this, only I was dating men that had serious issues. Causing my mental illness to get worse. Its better to be with someone who accepts you and supports you no matter what. And allows you to grow as a person.

You have to be the one to change being too dependant. Its so hard. It took me like 3 years with my fiancè. But, thats only because I put off getting real support. I needed to learn self love, acceptance and get treated for ptsd/anxiety. Everyone is different. My relationship survived everything I put him through. The making him stay home on fridays, not talking to other girls the "need" to be with him at all times. It was all because I was scared and lonely. I had to face myself. It takes courage. But with the right support you can get through!❤

[YogaLife]

I used to be like that. My husband is controlling. When ordering food or fixing a meal, I would ask what he was wanting, and I'd get the same. I got to where I am having trouble making decisions. That's where I started, making a decision about what I want to eat.