I can't take another day! I've had severe anxiety for 8 months now. I had it like this three years ago, and it went away after three months. It won't leave this time!
I can't believe I made it another week at work. I had meetings all day yesterday and today and worked from 8 AM to 7 PM each of those days. I barely made it. I wanted to run from the meetings as sat there paralyzed with the most uncomfortable feelings in the world. I fake it and participate and smile.
The second I wake up in the mornings and my eyes open, I am paralyzed with fear and feelings of being unwell. I shake as I get in the shower and shake as I get dressed. Weak, sick, horrible. My head fills like it is full and heavy. My heart races. My insides shake. I will myself forward. A step, a step, a step at a time.
I smile at work. I get the chills. I can't eat. I fake it some more. I float through the day disconnected to reality.
I eat right, have tried exercising, take vitamins, push myself to partake in life no matter how hard it is, I breath, I yell at my anxiety....and nothing helps. It won't go away.
I have to go to a funeral on Saturday, and I am sick with fear about it. You know the routine, right?
If someone asked me what this feels like, I would say it feels like I am dying...all of my organs are failing and I am spiraling down.
I can't talk to anyone. They are sick of me being sick. Even if I keep moving, they don't want to hear about how hard it is. So I keep it to myself and trudge on. I want to cry when they say they have anxiety too and that I just need to relax. Oh, I wish!
I'm successful, have a great family, have lots of blessings...but I don't enjoy anything at anytime because of how sick I am.
My doc put me on Prozac ten days ago after being on Citalopram for 6 years and stopping cold turkey for a month because I felt so bad (What's the point?). No difference so far with the meds.
I swear someday they will discover that these symptoms are caused by a lack of some mineral or something or caused by some non-deadly, but torturous malfunction in the body. Or I am just fucking crazy!
Thanks for listening. It has been such a horrible few days....and months.
Peace to everyone.