Fine, I give up

Almost five months ago I stopped taking medication due to a physical health problem and decided to stay off it to see if I could cope without it. I've had peaks and troughs but overall I thought i'd be able to get used to the feelings (I get physical feelings rather than emotional ones) and continue.

But I went camping for a few days in the sticks and without even noticing that I was tense for the four days I was out there I've come back a wreck. Again, I don't feel anxious, and my heart doesn't even race - thats the annoying thing, it's never the 'traditional' anxiety symptoms anymore - but my body is extremely heavy, I feel often on the verge of collapse, when I get out of bed and try to move around I get waves of nausea ripping through my body, I can barely stay awake although my mind isn't tired, just my body....

I haven't got a temperature, I don't look ill and my palms are sweating, so that tells me it's all psychological but I don't know how I'm suppose to carry on like this. It doesn't matter that it's in my mind, it makes no difference, because everytime I try to get on with my day I'm crippled with nausea and dizziness and I feel like I'm quivering all over.

I have to go back to work on Weds (I'm on annual leave) so I need to be better by then. That's the thing. I'm constantly in recovery. I'm constantly just trying to rest and recover enough that I can go on functioning. I struggle through the week - Friday I usually just pretend to work - then the weekend is a washout because I can't do anything. I have to recover, I just feel horrible all over.

So i guess I have to go back on pills. I don't want to, I think that given time and space I could get over it by myself, but due to me having a job (and I fully intend on keeping that job!) I don't have the luxury of time and space. I am furious about this!

16 Replies

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  • Hi Please don't give up you have done so well. Just keep telling yourself what you have achieved. You got through the camping trip, you hold down a job. Dont let it beat you just take it an hour at a time We have to let the attacks know who is in charge ! stay angry with it try and plan a treat for yourself or think of a time in the past when you were truly happy. I do this when I am low and anxious and it does help. The best support you are going to get in this world comes from you You know what you need - re assurance and understanding - so for once be kind to yourself . Take care Tx

  • The problem is when you feel low and fed up the anxiety or depression feeds off it as well as causing it, yes a lot of anxiety is in the mind but there are also chemicals in the body which become unbalanced and really don't help the situation. I take medication to try and control the unbalanced chemicals because I know I can't do it myself. You have a very busy life style and with the anxiety of course your going to feel exhausted. I actually stress myself out trying to find quite time and not being able to. I think you should go to your .GP and tell them exactly what you have wrote today and they will understand more then. All the best x

  • That old saying that if you had high blood pressure then you wouldn't quibble about taking medication, if you have this problem then why is taking some pills to help you such a problem. Live life. You only get it once, I also work and find it frustrating when anxiety gets me down but I tell you one thing, work keeps me sane, otherwise i would sit at home and get worse.

  • HI I like you suffer with the physical side of anxiety the dizzyness and constant pressure in my ears i had a panic attack yesterday it scared the hell out of me i am trying to do this without meds like you but i too am suffering what meds did you take before x

  • So far I have tried citalopram (celeste) twice (about a decade between the times I took it), fluoxetine (prozac), paroxetine (seroxat), sertraline (lustral), venlafaxine (effexor) and lamotrigine (lamictal). If I went back on pills I think I'd try escitalopram.

  • I HAVE only tried citralopam back in april they made me very ill doctor said i am allergic to ssri i am too frightened to try anything else i hope you make the right decision and get better soon x

  • Feel for you, the psychological side of anxiety I can cope with but the feeling like you are walking on foam, not in a straight line, full of dizziness drives me up the wall to put it politely. Good luck with whatever path you choose try not to beat yourself up about it if you go back to taking meds, you have to do what is right for you,

  • I'm the same way. I'm quite emotionally detached for someone with MH problems (well, actually, that's probably the cause of my problems...) so apart from anger and frustration when feeling ill holds me back, I don't really have too much of a problem with emotional symptoms. It's the physical ones that do me in. A doctor once explained to me that it is because I don't experience emotions that strongly or I discount my emotions that I feel so ill all the time. My emotions are being converted to physical problems, she said. That seems about right to me. What I would really like is therapy to help me to feel/understand my emotions so they can't keep doing this to me but I've been waiting for two years already for a six-week course of CBT and I don't even know if that's the right therapy for this kind of problem!

  • Yes I can see where you are coming from. I get so annoyed at myself for feeling this way. I've just started a new round of CBT but it's to have EMDR thrown in. CBT is definitely a good start but this therapist is a lot better than my first who I think was quite new to it all. Keep pushing to for it to be brought forward, i think sometimes you get put to the back of the queue if you keep quiet.

  • I think so too but I lost the letters they sent me so I've lost the phone number. I called both local PCTs and they give me a list of MH services in the area and I called them all to see where I was on a waiting list. I know for definite I'm on the waiting list because I got a letter relatively recently confirming I was still on it. But none of the services had my name down so I'm not sure where I'm on a waiting list anymore. Going to go to docs on Tuesday and ask if it's on my records and if they can give me the number or chase them up for me.

  • Good idea as any letters they send you will be copied to your GP, ask if your GP could pressure them a bit.

  • You could try duloxetine im on them and they seem to work pretty well at times. my problem is forcing myself into the situations i don't want to be in to combat this that's what i find the hardest

  • I had considered duloxetine actually because I heard it's also good for things like chronic fatigue syndrome, so I thought maybe it might be a good one for my exhaustion.

    I think I'm the opposite way round from you as well! I don't have too much trouble forcing myself to do things I'm scared of because n my case I feel ten times worse if I don't do them (because I get so angry with myself). So most of the time I make sure I go through with it to avoid feeling angry at myself. But I wonder if I am going too fast, as my problems seem to always be exhaustion from continually fighting and always pushing myself to do the things that make me feel uncomfortable. I think maybe I'm just wearing myself out but I really don't want to give up.

  • Hi. Don't feel like you have failed by going back on the medications. Remember it is an illness -the wires in your brain have been so stressed out over time that they no longer know how to act normally. Sometimes they need a little help.

    I am in exactly the same position, but with the meds. Taking some high doses to help the depression and anxiety that comes with it, just so I can carry on functioning normally and carry on at work. Not too bad there, but I do struggle at the weekends at times when I am exhausted. The medication makes me feel like I am doing something to fight this thing and helps me function vaguely normally.

    We all need to do what is right for us. I combine it with CBT too, so hit from both angles. But this bout is a tricky/stubborn one as I am not able to completely rest like I could 10 years ago as I have a little boy and he needs me. Every now and again I get exhausted like you.

    Do what is right for you. Best wishes. Karen xx

  • PS don't forget if you join anxiety UK they can find a reduced price therapist in your area to help with the CBT. I have not used this service yet as already with someone, but it looks like a good idea. Karen x

  • Well! Finally someone who mirrors my stance on the whole 'A' word! In short, I had a weeks worth of raging anxiety as docs said I had something serious, then, turns out I don't. Great! But... now three months later I'm well back to my happy-go-lucky self, (in fact mentally I was back to normal by week 2) however still suffering with what I can only describe as ALL the classic symptoms! Ringing in the ears, thumping heart (not raise bpm's though!) nausea occasionally, the list goes on. I literally, when they start, or more appropriately when I notice them (as I'm brilliant at ignoring them completely now!) go and do something different; or as someone else posted, get angry at them! I can't emphasise enough that I'm not now, and never was previously, anxious, worried, stressed, on any scale, but by Christ I feel for you cos the physiological part is horrible. And I, like you, am stalwartly NOT gonna take any bloody meds, I mean, I never even take an aspirin, and once 13 years ago I got prescribed antihistamine and that was the first and last set of pills I took, however on being diagnosed with a bit of anxiety the gp happily gave me propranolol and zopiclone, needless to say one week into taking them I was more of a wreck than when I started.

    I think tackling a pseudo-psychological bitch like anxiety from a psyche point is a great way to go, it's working for me, might not be for everyone but good luck in whatever you choose my friend x

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