My name is Mark and I'm a 21 year old male. I've been suffering anxiety for pretty much all my life.
However I find it's been getting worse and this year it has been the worst yet. I've been getting panic attacks, fears of death and even worse, derealisation. Not only am I feeling depressed but now I fear all this anxiety and depression will kill me. I constantly worry about getting a heart attack, seizure or getting hospitalised for whatever. I have no underlying medical condition but it still worries the heck out of me! I just came back from a holiday and I started having the worst of my anxiety and panic attacks when on the journey home. As for my derealisation, it's made me see the world around me not only unreal but also weird and unnatural (I know that sounds strange but that's what I feel). I also have thoughts on human society as a whole and it's made it worse.
I've seen my doctor plenty of times and he's suggested just to take medication (propranolol tablets) and they've helped me but I really want all these horrible thoughts to just go away so I can be myself. I feel like my days are numbered. I've seen a lot of people die this year and I fear I'll be next. Am I going crazy here? Is this the end of my life? Or am I able to get through this and be myself again? Thank you.