Intrusive thoughts and Fear of almost everything

Hi everyone, I've been on here for about 3 months and I have to say I'm getting a little better but it's still so very very very hard. It seems like I have a fear of everything! A fear of being addicted to drugs, being a pediphole, getting killed, fear of me hurting someone, fear of dying, fear of catching a disease, fear of my mother dying. Basically fear of everything. I feel like I'm losing my mind and I can't control it. I feel like I'm the only one in the world who feels this way and I just feel alone and sad. I have intrusive thoughts that's so disgusting and horrible that I cry and one time it was so bad that I cut my wrist with a huge kitchen knife because I wanted to punish myself for having these thoughts. These thoughts that I will never act on these thoughts that I will never in my life think of. Every time I have these thoughts I just feel like throwing myself to a wall and banging my head on the wall until the thoughts go away. I seriously feel depressed and just not myself. I never in my life felt this way before until 3 months ago. It just came out of nowhere. I am going through counseling and I was on meds until they took me off because it made everything worse. But now I'm not on meds. But I was wondering if anyone else ever had this problem or felt this way? Please reply soon. Thanks loves for taking the time out to read this. I really appreciate it.

17 Replies

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  • hello :) brand new member just joined today.

    I also suffer from all of those things. Every time I think about them, I feel like the earth stops and I can't breathe sometimes I cant get them out of my head for weeks. I'm sorry but I currently have no solution as I am in the middle of it all myself... but I can say for certain that you aren't the only one. I will watch the news and then something pops into my head and then it won't go away for instance. Then I will feel terrible for thinking it. It stops me doing almost everything.

    you are not alone

  • Yeah I've been having this problem for months it sucks so bad. I just feel like I'm going crazy. I just can't take it anymore. But I know how you feel.

  • I will try telling you what my husband said to me, might help you a little bit.

    Everyone has awful thoughts, like the ones you describe, the only difference is most people have them and don't feel ashamed. They know that they are just thoughts and forget about them pretty quickly. Where as the more you try not to think about it, the more you will. The more guilty you feel, the longer it takes.

    I think what you need to try to do is accept that you have them, and realise that it doesn't mean anything is wrong with you or that you are a bad person.

    Its just the same as if I told you to not think about a pink elephant, suddenly you will, and then if you feel bad for thinking about it, you will think about it for longer, and then if you are like me you will then realise how long you have just thought about it, and feel even worse.

    When I am in the middle of it, I find someone to talk to, even if I don't talk about what I am really afraid of. Watch disney. Start doing something. Take a painkiller if I have a headache, get a glass of water. Splash water on myself. Do something repetitive - play a video game, read a book.

  • Wools tell me that all the time but I just can't stop thinking about it.

  • Hi there.

    One of the most common goals my clients have is "To never have these thoughts again". These thoughts can be anything.

    The reponse I give is that it is unlikely we will be able to eradicate them, as they are automatic. You have no control over your thinking, but you do have control over your actions.

    I have a recurring thought whenever I see someone with a walking stick that it would be hilarious if I were to run over and kick it away from them. I've never done it yet, and I like to think I never will...but for a split second I imagine it would be really funny, and then rationality kicks in. It's only a thought and as mentioned before we don't always act upon them.

    You could try writing your thoughts down, as this slows down the process. Often it can seem like thoughts are running away, thankfully no-one (that I'm aware of) can write faster than they think so writing helps you regain a little more control. Once they are there in front of you, in black and white, they can seem less powerful.

    Blogging or just having a "for your eyes only" journal can also be helpful.

    Take care

  • I do write all my thoughts down but sometimes that thoughts are so bad and disgusting that I can't even say it out loud.

  • That's not unusual. I had one client that didn't share her most disgusting thought until around session 10 and she was shocked that I wasn't disgusted with her.

    It is worth asking of any our thoughts "Is is it fact or opinion?"

    Often our thoughts are not based in fact, but we accept them as a fact. Challenge the thoughts...do not accept them as fact. If it is a fact "it's raining outside" then don't waste energy challenging it.

    Think about catching a disease.

    If I caught a disease it would be awful. It might not be pleasant, but do we know it's going to be awful and terrible. But if I did I wouldn't know what to do. Like most of us you would probably call a Dr or 999 and they would provide some sort of help.

    Anxiety is a natural and instinctive reaction to a new or fearful situation, unfortunately we can sometimes overestimate the threat or danger in a situation, and at the same time we underestimate and dismiss our own ability to cope.

    We are stronger and more capable than we often give ourselves credit for. Trust in yourself.

  • I'm having horrible intrusive thoughts too but mines are so horrible and disgusting and I just feel like a horrible disgusting person thinking about. It was so bad that I tried to hack my hand off with a kitchen knife. It's bad. I looked online and it says OCD and I clicked on it and it brought up many example of OCD and I believe that I suffer from obsessive thoughts. These thoughts are unwanted and you will never act upon. One example is sexual thoughts of children, animals, or rape anything like that. That is an example of a obsessive thought that you do not want and never will act upon. I have obsessive sexual thoughts and it's o disgusting and I wanted to punish myself for having it that cut my wrist with a kitchen knife and I hit myself and I just do horrible physical harm to myself.

  • Plus I read online that if you have these thoughts then that means you are in denial about being a pediphile or a murderur. So that made me scared and cry and made want to kill myself. It's so bad.

  • The internet is a fantastic resource, but unfortunately anyone can put something on their and claim it as fact without any need to justify it. I found this link, and have included another link about the author:

    psychologytoday.com/blog/cu...

    Here is a link to the author of the article:

    monnicawilliams.com/

    This may be the same article that you have referred to but from my own limited knowledge of Pedophile OCD, it is the OCD that is main issue. As the articel says

    "However, people with pedophile OCD (or POCD, as it is sometimes called in the online OCD communities), are actually the least likely to harm a child. In fact, John cared so much about the well-being of his daughter that he was willing to kill himself to keep her safe."

    This does not seem disimilar to your own 'reasoned action' to punish and harm yourself, rather than another person.

    It is difficult, but they are just thoughts. We have hundreds upon thousands of thoughts everyday that we do not act upon as we know it is wrong. If you are going to spend time punishing yourself for having the thoughts, which are automatic and outwith your control...why not spend time congratulating yourself for not acting upon them, which you do control.

    I hope you find the article of interest.

    Take care

  • Thank you so much for replying.

  • That's what this forum is about.

  • T^T i thought i was the only one, my fears make me feel jealous about the other people. bcuz i think that im not living a normal life anymore, i fear the most is being tortured severely till death, i would check every corner of the house for killers, if i cant do that then i cant fall asleep. i would think of horrible things and it makes me feel so bad it hurts me... Im paranoid @-@

  • Me too :-[

  • I have the same thoughts. I feel like dying. Nearly every night I cry. I am 11 and still ask my sister can she sleep with me. She is younger. :'(

    I feel like a baby and my family won't understand. I even have more problems. I feel like I'm the saddest person in the world. I'm writing this in the night after my sister didn't want to sleep in my room. I'm crying badly. I wish my life was better.

  • The thing about anxiety is it is just your brain having a fear response. It's normal for you to feel afraid of anything and EVERYTHING when you have anxiety. Intrusive thoughts are normal and they don't mean you're going crazy, and you're never going to act on them. I've cut myself too because I felt like it was the only way I felt like I could distract myself from the thoughts and get my brain to SHUT THE F*** UP for once! Then my boyfriend found out and I felt even worse/more anxious about it later. Find yourself a good Cognitive Behavioral Therapist; they are really the best for anxiety. I'm pretty neutral when it comes to medications. they work for some people, but not me. The first few weeks/the first month you take them you will feel worse though. Xanax is very helpful for panic in the moment. It seems to be the only medication that lessens my anxiety. Best of luck! and you are going to be okay! (:

  • P.S. the more disgusting your intrusive thoughts are, the more creative your mind is! Anxiety is an evil thing that will conjure up the most awful ideas you can possibly think up. but the fact that you know these thoughts are bad shows that you are completely rational.

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