I saw a therapist for the first time this morning to deal with this constant suffocation feeling that has been going on 24/7 for the past 14 weeks now. No relief from it other than if I take Ativan at night to get sleep. Sometimes my head is in the fog with it and sometimes chest tightening. Last night I decided not to use a sleep aid as I felt yesterday was a pretty decent day (alot less of the suffocation feeling) and thought I might get a fairly decent sleep. Wrong! I was up all night. You know, I actually had myself convinced the suffocation feeling was going away yesterday but today it was back full force again.
Anyhow we went through my past history. Never suffered anxiety in my life until now. Things that went on in the past when growing up, during my first marriage, being a single mother and marrying for a second time, I was always able to manage on my own or get through it ok. There are things going on now that have been bothering me but I figured I could handle that also. I guess I was wrong. Perhaps everything just manifested through the years and came out into one huge anxiety attack that I can't seem to turn around on my own. The therapist said to me I had a lot on my plate and no wonder I had anxiety.
I told her I was willing to go on a med if that's what it took to turn this suffocation, head in fog, insomnia around. That along with counselling. I'm also hoping this will be short term. Obviously for this to carry on for 14 weeks straight, I cannot make this go away on my own no matter what I do and I need the big guns now. My brain is really messed up. Unfortunately the doctor at the psychiatric center won't be able to see me until the 23rd as he is that booked up.
When waiting in the waiting room, a young girl came in with paperwork in hand like the paperwork I also had. I overheard her tell the receptionist that she was so tired and she hadn't slept all night. Welcome to the club!
I'm even so tired now I can't see straight yet when I lie down to try and have a nap, sleep will not come to me. I'm really fed up. Thanks for letting me vent.