Is this the time to change my therapist?

[sam0191]

Hi guys,

Need some help here please,

It is my third therapist, my first two therapists did not go well with me, but the last one helped me a lot on how to control my anxiety and eliminate my fears, will I am better now and can handle a variety of situation, but the problem for the last 2 months now I dont feel that I improved more, I just stuck in the same place, I couldn't make any friends in college(but I can go there alone with little fears), it is my second semester with no friends, and I just start working 3 days a week and droped my attending to college to one-two days a week, and now I didn't go for 2 weeks. I get so bored alone I cant make a full day there. One of my problems with the anxiety was my lack of social skills and making friends and relationships with girls, He knew that as it was one of the reasons I changed my therapist. he helped me with a lot of subjects but with this, it seems that no one could help, he just keeps telling me to go & to attend but never gives me a good solution that could help me there. I also feel that he got bored that we always keep talking about the same point with no improvement, he even tells me that I am normal now and said to me that no need to meet each week so now we meet each month. Also, I am disappointed that I couldn't improve in this situation, always want to be part of social groups in college but it is not working, every time I go to college, it takes me back from my improvements. He is a well-known professor in the country but I don't feel that he could help me more with this situation, even apart depressed on this subject and I am now lack of motivation to go again to college, each time I go there, it makes me feel bad, but I feel better where I work now. what do you think guys I have to do?

[Agora1]

Hi sam0191, there comes a time in therapy that we have to cut the apron strings with our therapists. You did say he is a well known professor who helped you a lot. The fact that he wants to cut back to once a month is strictly for maintenance therapy. The social aspect in college (even though it was your original issue) is going to have to come from you. Don't allow the doubts you have on doing this alone start affecting your motivation in going forward. Use the tools that the professor taught you. I think you've come a long way. Oh you could see a 4th therapist but then know that you will be starting over again from square one. An idea might be to work on your self esteem and confidence. There are many on-line videos you could get a lot out of by referring to YouTube. You are able to go forward on your own. The professor laid the ground work for you and the rest is up to you.

Let us know what you decide to do. The choice will always have to be yours in the end.

Good Luck.

[sam0191 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you, But the problem is that I have no clue how to make friends there Like I see no opportunity making friends there. It is 6 month that has been passed there & did not make any friends there. that thing is boring and stressful for me!!! like I whenever I go there I couldn't make the whale day I go 5 hours max and then come back home. It seems that he(the therapist) couldn't help me with that, but I dont know!!!!! I want to improve my social skills but it seems hard!!

[Agora1 in reply to sam0191]

Hi sam, I was looking on YouTube and there are tons of videos dealing with Social Anxiety issues. I'm not really sure how deep therapists get into that topic. I think they give you the basics and then it's up to you. I may be wrong. Let's see what others on the forum say. You certainly aren't the only one with this problem. Many on the forum deal with this daily and it can make for a very lonely life. I wish I could help further. I'm sorry.

[sam0191 in reply to Agora1]

Thanks for that

[BonnieSue]

I think you can improve your social skills with both (1) self help and (2) through a new counselor. As Agora1 has mentioned, YouTube has videos, and I'll also mention there are other articles on the internet and other self help books online and at the library to help you learn how to make friends. And a counselor is highly recommended for you not only for helping you to make friends but for coping strategies for your anxiety and any depression you may have. That's a lot of resources and with all of that help I think you will find you will make friends eventually.

Keep in mind that people like for you to take an interest in them, so you can always ask them questions and encourage them to tell you about themselves. That takes the pressure off of you to be the great conversationalist and know a lot of things to say. And you do have to risk rejection and reach out to others, such as inviting someone to eat lunch with you or do some similar social step forward toward becoming closer with others. It's hard, I know.

[sam0191 in reply to BonnieSue]

So do you suggest changes my therapist? do you mean by counselor is tharapist?

[BonnieSue in reply to sam0191]

Yes, ongoing CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) is (1) highly recommended for people with depression and anxiety, both of which you have mentioned you are experiencing. You have also expressly stated you are no longer improving on (2) controlling your anxiety and (3) eliminating your fears, (4) you lack motivation to attend college and (5) you aren't making friends or (6) improving your relationship skills with girls. And, yes, a LMHC, Licensed Mental Health Counselor (requires a Master's Degree), is a counselor, usually called a counselor, and a therapist is usually a PhD, a psychologist, with a doctorate, called "Doctor" or a therapist, but both can be you need. What you want is a recommendation as to their caring and capabilities. My own counselor of 19 years is extremely capable and caring and priceless to me.

It's sad that your present therapist can't help you further but by your own statement you can see you have many unmet reasons to carefully seek recommendations for a new counselor/therapist. You can research counselors/therapists qualifications on psychologytoday.com by city but please also ask other doctors and other patients for recommendations. You might be surprised at the people you know who can give you a good name recommendation. Don't be afraid to ask about friendliness and caring and good listening in the professional you're seeking. it's very important for almost every patient so it's not a dumb question at all.

[sam0191 in reply to BonnieSue]

Thanks, but I can control my anxiety & fears now better than ever, just still need the help to develop my social skills in college that I lack, dont know how to do. thanks fo your help