My first time.

[Glitch01]

Here's the truth. I'm 18 years old and Im graduating in a few days. At the beginning of my senior year, back in October, I thought I was able to conquer getting straight a's my last year, but instead I was given this "gift" of anxiety, and it makes me mad. I stayed up late one night trying to finish an essay, and when I was about to fall asleep, I started focusing on my breathing, I then thought I wasn't breathing right. I felt like I was being possessed or something, so I quickly stood up from my bed and ran to my mom's room in panic. That was my first panic attack, THAT was the day my life changed, what I believe, for the worse. I didnt sleep at all that night. Felt even worse a few days after that, and since I adopted the mentality that something was wrong with me physically, my mom and I rushed to the hospital because I started loosing feeling in my arms (common panic attack symptom). That's when the doctor told me that I was simply suffering from anxiety and panic disorder. I didnt go to school for 3 days after that, because I didnt feel ready. What a great start to my senior year huh? So here I am now, I dont suffer from panic attacks anymore, but I still get anxiety very often, and to the point where sometimes I just dont enjoy life anymore and question everything about it, which really depresses me. I envy all the other seniors who were able to participate in school activities and actually focus and do well their last year. I didn't even recieve any awards at my award ceremony last month. I wanted senior year to be the best year of my educational career, but I guess we can't get everything we want...

Hello everyone, and thanks to everyone who was willing to read my story. Id really love to hear(read) about your first time dealing with panic attacks/anxiety, so please feel free to comment below about your experiences.

[boawoman]

I also have had panic attacks and anxiety since I was in high school. Your story took me back ... I could be you. Unbelievable but true. Somehow in your last year you just want to finish with a huge bang! Everything should be roses. Then the rug gets pulled out from under you and you don't understand it or know how to fix it. I can tell that you are very smart ... and I know that you are sensitive. You have expectations of yourself that are putting immense pressure on you. My best advice is to stop worrying about being perfect and JUST BE. Try to embrace the things you love. Anxiety is FALSE and tries to steal your life. Trust your doctor, your family and your heart. You are okay - you already know that. Now slowly take back some peace into your heart. Know that you are loved and that you are perfect just the way your are. You don't need to impress anyone - you do that without even knowing it. And also know that you are not the only senior out there that is having problems. They may be able to hide it better, but there are others. Take a deep breathe and take each day one day at a time. Someone told me once "A yard is too hard but an inch is a cinch." And it is true. Little steps, little gains - keep posting and sharing. Everyone here totally understands.

[Glitch01 in reply to boawoman]

@boawoman I truly appreciate your advice, I feel comforted knowing that someone understands, I mean you basically described me perfectly. I have noticed that I can be a perfectionist and I am also sensitive. I try to be the best I can be, and I always feel like I have to be in control. I can also describe myself as an over thinker and a chronic worrier. Do you mind me asking, do you still have anxiety? If so, how do you cope with it?

[boawoman in reply to Glitch01]

Another thing we perfectionists do is try to control everything. We do overthink and worry. I have tried to eliminate the word "worry" from my vocabulary. I use the word "concerned" instead. It takes things down a notch for sure. And I find myself doing it all the time ... and that is okay. And, yes, I do still have anxiety. Not all the time ... I seem to have periods where I go through it. For the most part, I handle it. I find that I can work out all my anxiety through my hands. So I type ... usually nonsense sentences. Just the same thing over and over again. After about 20 times of that I find I am much more at ease. I know it sounds silly but it has helped me. I also play solitaire on the computer. It requires a little attention but I don't have to think too much. I just work the tension out through my hands. The surge of adrenaline that causes all the discomfort is actually a perfectly normal and "used to be" a good thing. That is what gave us the ability to run from the dinosaurs or lift a car off a trapped person. So the actual physical response is there for a purpose. But we aren't fighting dinosaurs any more and I have never had to lift a car off anyone. I have had to do other things that required quick action and strength so I am glad that my body responds. With anxiety attacks we are responding to things that are not real though ... therein lies the problem. I believe that once you begin to understand what triggers your anxiety you start to take control. It is okay to be afraid sometimes. Just don't let the false fear rule your life. Please be gentle with YOU! Keep Posting!

[Glitch01 in reply to boawoman]

Ive noticed that my anxiety is super bad right before I go to sleep, which is when I had my first anxiety attack a few months back. Do you think its possible that I might just be traumatized from that experience? Ever since then I have trouble sleeping and I am onsessed with contolling the way I breathe, and I feel like its killing me! I want to live a normal life again. I get absolutely no motivation in life or encouragement from the people around me. They get tired of hearing me talk about how I feel, which depresses me even more. But knowing that people, strangers from this website actually want to hear from me, really consoles me. I try to get on this website before I go to sleep because it comforts me. Like right now I'm sleep deprived and Im having trouble falling asleep, even after I took my anxiety pill. The truth is I have no idea where to start to cure myslef, it overwhelms me, and I feel like I'm a lost case.

[Hidden in reply to Glitch01]

In reply to your last comment. Yes, my generalized anxiety disorder at the time all cane from worry of having another panic attack

[boawoman in reply to Glitch01]

You say you have no idea how to cure yourself - oh yes you do. You took the most gigantic step imaginable when you found this site and posted your first post! Your reasoning about being traumatized sounds and feels right to me. When something like that happens you can feel or believe that it "might"happen again. And that sets up a loop of fear. Completely reasonable and sound thinking. Breathing is something that just "is" - part of the body system that is not controlled by us. It is automatic. So worrying about it is one of those false fears. Your body is just going to do it PERIOD. I learned one thing that is very important, a very long time ago. My husband was very very sick - what I learned was that the body does NOT GIVE UP EASILY. It FIGHTS ... we can certainly help by thinking positive thoughts but believe me - your body is not going to give up easily. You are healthy and believe it or not you are thriving. The people around us simply cannot help because they do not understand. If they have never had such a thing happen to them, then they cannot relate. One time my husband (he passed away 5 years ago after his very long illness) didn't have any compassion at all towards my severe migraine headaches. He would just give me a look and walk away while I was in agony and throwing up. I was so furious with him for not caring. Then I found out that he had never had a headache. He could not relate to that pain. Trying to explain what the pain was like got me no where. He just didn't get it. Even now I want to scream at him HOW CAN YOU NOT UNDERSTAND! But I get it now ... he never had a headache...silly, but true. It is very much the same with anxiety. Very few people will admit that it is a problem for them, they try to hide it. That is why this site helps so much. We aren't hiding. We are talking to each other, giving support, ideas and UNDERSTANDING. I know it is frustrating but just love your family, and if they ask how you are feeling or they don't ask, that is okay. You are working your way through this. And you WILL come through it. With every step you will learn a little more about what is going on and you will gain back the control you don't have right now. I suffer with sleep issues too. In fact, I just talked to my daughter last night about it (she lives thousands of miles away and I don't get to see her often) ... she made a few suggestions which sounded good to me. They were things I had not tried ... so I am going to take her advice and give them a try. In the same way, we may be thousands of miles apart but we can share ideas and compassion for each other. And that will work wonders. You keep thinking positive and keep posting. I will watch for your posts and respond as soon as I can. Hugs coming your way.

[Glitch01 in reply to boawoman]

@ boawoman I'm very sorry to hear about your husband. But he was very lucky to have someone so helpful and encouraging such as yourself. Thank you sooo much, today was a heck of a lot better than the way Ive been feeling the past few days. I kept in mind how you said the body fights to stay alive, because all this time I've had the fear of just dropping dead suddenly, but I'm now certain that it is very unlikely for that to happen especially since the doctor said I was healthy. You say posting on this website was the first step towards getting better, and I suppose your right. The advice and encouragement I get from here is unbelievable. Also thanks for the motivation!!! It also helped me have a better day today. If you don't mind me asking, what tips did you daughter suggest for sleeping better?

[boawoman in reply to Glitch01]

My daughter suggested getting some noise cancelling headphones....I find that nature sounds or meditation cd's help but that there are so many other noises that wake me all night long. The headphones will allow the sounds that I like and that soothe me but stop all other sounds. So I am going to order the Beats Studio headphones she recommended. If I have trouble falling asleep I tend to read....something light that entertains me but not too much! That usually makes my eyes tired and I drift off. TV being on will put me to sleep but it wakes me up after an hour or so. So TV is a no no for me. Sometimes we just seem to have a "chatterbox" going on in our heads ... we just can't turn it off. We keep thinking of STUFF. That is probably the most annoying but that is where reading really helps me. When we sleep our bodies and minds heal. I remind myself of that...it is the best medicine I can take. I am glad you had a good day and want to hear of more of those! I try very hard to "accept" what is, relax, breathe in and out calmly for a few seconds, listen to the birds and watch the squirrels. That starts my day. And that is what I try to take with me to work etc. You are doing great...you are facing the things that are hard and challenging. I don't know where you are at ... I am in the US ... not too far from Chicago. So it is about 6:15 a.m. here. And it is a splendid day. I am going to get dressed in something that pleases me and enjoy the warm air. It is going to be 80 today ...

[Glitch01 in reply to boawoman]

Those are some really great tips. I'll usually watch comedy videos on youtube, which help me drift off sometimes. I'm also from the U.S., Texas actually the weather has been really hot, which makes me feel really nauseous and dehydrated, which also doesn't help with my anxiety haha. I'm also graduating tomorrow finally, so I'm having a bit trouble sleeping from feeling a bit anxious and panicky, even though I'm feeling super tired I can't just fall asleep. I wanna thank you as well for the support and positivity, you have no idea how much it has helped me.

[Hidden]

I was leaving powerhouse gym in Tampa after a killer workout and felt like I couldn't breath deep enough and I'm sure you know the rest of the story haha staggering into a bar asking them to call 911 I'm having a myocardial infarction. Paramedics get there and tell me its anxiety. I didn't believe anyone for a long time that it was anxiety and it made me mad. I'm not worried about anything!! My life is great!! I would say. But then I learned a bit more about it and its mainly for me when I get them, physical symptoms of something I fear most.

[Glitch01 in reply to Hidden]

@rockster321 Thanks for sharing your story. That's ausome that you were able to recover from it and be able to say that your life is great. I can't wait till the day I'm able to say the same thing with confidence. I also get very fearful about the physical symptoms.