My experience with the therapist

Dear All,

I have been seeing a therapist for the past 5 months and I’d like to share my experience with those who are needing help but are not sure if therapy is a right choice.

I’m a 34 years old female who has a beautiful job and a lovely partner. I am in a loving relationship, I have great friends, I have the best family and I am earning enough money to spoil myself well quite often. I am in good health apart from my chronic Hep B and I am very well looked after by the NHS. So, my life is amazing. But, I am NOT happy. Because I suffer from anxiety on a daily basis. It affects my relationship. It affects my experiences. It prevents me from enjoying my life. It causes me pain. I hate it. I hate myself for being like this. I hate the fact I am not normal. I have been like this for most part of my life and everything got worse after my dad passed away. That is it. I realised I needed help. And, god bless the NHS, I got it.

My therapist is truly amazing. She gives me answers. And I need answers. The first thing I told her was “I crave knowledge “ as I believe that knowing my condition is my first step towards recovery. After many sessions of learning about fight and flight mode, old/new brain, evolution, three systems (Drive/Threat/Soothing)...my responses to my life situations made perfect sense. That’s it...I got the knowledge to explain WHY I react the way I react to sometimes simple situations.

The next thing she asked me was “what is it do you want to achieve by the end of the sessions?” And I said “I am not seeking happiness because happiness is subjective. Instead, I seek two things: acceptance and peace”.

So, among other things, I have accepted that I have a mental health problem and denying it is not going to help me. Instead, I need to accept it and learn how the two of us can not only coexist but find happiness together. This, in turn, has led me to achieving peace (however, not always as I still have anxieties as I am at very early stages of my learning). I do feel a lot calmer and my anxieties do not seem to be as painful and scary as before. I still get irrational thoughts and I get fears like “shit, I’m going to have a heart attack” BUT they aren’t as overwhelming as before.

So, for those who have not sought help...please please do because knowledge is power. You need to learn how to live and manage your condition as fighting it never works.

Sorry for the long post...if you read it all, thank you xxx

[Matt3013]

Thank you for the post. It is so honest and open and sends a good message. I am glad you are getting the answers you need and that you are on the path to a better life.

Sorry about the loss of your dad too. I know what that’s like 😕. Hope that you continue with a good recovery and again thank you for your post x

[Hidden in reply to Matt3013]

Thank you very much, Matt. I also learned that sharing has a very healing effect

I have read some of your old posts just now...First, sorry about your dad. My father was my everything...I spoke with him everyday and he was always my biggest supporter. Losing him was devastating. So, I feel your pain...really...I do. Second, I found your posts...well...beautiful despite the fact that some of them contain so much pain and suffering. They’re beautiful because I can see a strong man who is not willing to give up and I am always inspired by such people. So, thank you for sharing as well and enjoy your weekend! The highlight of mine is going to be the UFC 😂xx

[Hidden]

Hi there Hidden , thank you so much for sharing your very honest experience and it makes me feel good. Dad's are wonderful and I'm sorry for your loss, I miss mine but now look back on the funny times.

I just started CBT yesterday and it's given the chance to be brutally honest, it was a fact finding session yesterday. I'm so looking forward to the counselling sessions. My problem is Emetophobia, fear of being sick/tummy bugs.

You sound so positive in yiur recovery.

Once again thank you for sharing.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your comment And I’m so happy you have started CBT...I hope it helps you xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Hidden , you have been so inspiring in your post that I know I'm going to defeat this, it's not going to get the better of me any longer.😀

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Good! I’m sure that very very soon we get to read your story Please drop me a message if you want to chat...I am not a professional but I am more than happy to chat if it makes this journey easier for you. I learned that sharing is very important 🙏

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Yes you certainly will as as soon as I feel I have beaten this I will be posting an update, I will also let everyone know how I get/got on with CBT.

Thank you so much for your very kind offer and agree sharing/talking is good.

😀

[designguy]

Hello Masy, congratulations on your progress, your story sounds similar to mine. I found that learning all about anxiety disorder, what it is, why and how I developed it and how to manage it was key to my recovery. I also found that I had to keep searching for a therapist who really understood it and had the knowledge on how to recover from it. I personally found that working with a general therapist wasn't productive and even counterproductive. I would recommend that someone seeking a therapist should look for a therapist or center that specifically treats anxiety disorder and if there isn't one available, that they supplement their therapy with reading good books on anxiety disorder recovery. Talk therapy, which most general therapists practice, can feel good but it won't give you the tools or understanding to recover. Find a therapist that helps you set goals, milestones and an end date and is a cheerleader for your recovery.

Since my recovery from anxiety disorder I now believe that there is nothing wrong with me and my anxiety was a signal trying to get me to pay attention to my mind and body and deal with the feelings of stress, fear, shame or whatever was going on. It was learned maladaptive thinking and behavior that I have since relearned constructively. It was also compounded by getting angry at myself for having it. Once i started accepting myself and with the understanding about anxiety disorder, accepting the thoughts and feelings, I started making real progress. I still occasionally have irrational thoughts and even feelings but they are a normal part of being human especially with a background of anxiety disorder. I also accept that some days and even moments are going to me more peaceful and calm than others, again, it's part of bing human. One of the things I believe is that at our core is the calm, peace and bliss of being human, we were not created to live in an anxious state of existence, our creator did not make us that way.

Congratulations again and keep up the progress, it's great to read stories of people who are recovering.

[Hidden in reply to designguy]

Ah, so good to read your post! Very happy for you...we need more stories like this, don’t we?

Yes, accepting the fact that we are humans and therefore are prone to anxieties and irrational thoughts was also very important (this is why we had to revisit the whole evolution stuff 😂). I’ve always wanted to be “normal” without understanding what normal is. Social media wasn’t helping either...I see these beautiful/successful/strong people on Instagram and think “look how confident they look...how come I can’t be like her”? Silly but a very destructive way of thinking.

I still worry that my symptoms might be due to a heart attack, brain tumor, liver failure and the list goes on...but they aren’t that scary anymore. Just like you, recognizing anxiety and accepting its symptoms are necessary for a recovery.

Also, I always wanted to be strong. And this, I know now, has always contributed to my anxieties. So, I’m learning to realize that I am vulnerable and I can be very weak and it’s ok to be this way once in a while....and, wow, it was such a weight off my shoulders.

So, let’s keep the good work and enjoy life as it is