Since the witch scam, I'm trying to restore my miney and im going nuts and i lose and go even worse. Plus im scared to spend and can't

[Against_the_current]

Buy myself anything for my birthday and i had a list. I'm just sitting there and thinking how much i would have if i wasn't scammed and if i didn't miss a schoolarship. I need to renovate dad's house to move out there. And I'm not well enough to work. I am getting an ad after an ad for "this app will give you this amount" and it was late, i was nervous because my sea holiday got three days delay because of our poor organisation and I'm just stuck with mom asking questions so i downloaded this app and it turned out instead of a plus it was minus. I contacted the customer support but i didn't understand anything. I just wish i bought myself the damn gift instead of trying to not spend and bring back what i lost with the (b)witches. I'm stressed as fk. All week im scared to go home because mom acts like im marrying my friend whom im not attracted to, mother in law of the year, "cook him something, clean and invite him something" and it turned out he didn't even rent a car and everyone is going with busses and trains in their own. I putted on a facemask from my sister to chill down and because it contained some of the stuff i wanted to buy but didn't permit myself because of the loss (Also need to pay for therapy). Mom came home and dyed my hair because she didn't like my e-girl hairstyle. And she wanted me to shower and dye my hair and braid it like im a puddle dog in the 90s, i felt like im graduating 1st grade in 2008 or any grade tbh, "you'll see a man". I'm not ducking attracted to him and i doubt he will like me if i look like a disco ghost that d1ed in the 80s. I'm not a gypsy bride for sale. As someone who has been almost assaulted multiple times, she's triggered me, but i can't tell her because she makes it all about herself and that guilt. I found out she gave birth to me in 2000 and graduated in 2002. Why not birthing me in 2002? She wouldn't blame me for crying while she has exams and wouldn't abandon me for two years in the forest, leaving a life-ling abandonment trauma and bonding with herself, dad and others issues. And she said it wasn't an accident and she just kept me. She basically decided to have a kid in the middle of studying and then blaming me. I didn't ask to be born, especially not in 2000. The only good thing of being born in 2000 will be tombstone. People won't have to do math to calculate my age. And she wanted to dance and drink and my dad, 23yo then, was the one trying to stop her. Yet she got poisoned from eating too much chocolate and i think she still drank. Thank you mom, now I'm absolutely broken and nobody wants to acknowledge that im incapable of staying 8 hours in a workplace, i can't even do it at home. I'm keeping myself celibate, knowing I'm on meds and honestly i don't want to lose it or to have kids. I'm thinking of coming out as an asexual and non-binary but it's banned in my country now (please sent help). And i realised i have to shower and the mask was leave in. I got upset. She said "you overthink the past, upset me, i blow up and I'm the bad guy". It's not about her. Yes, im fking traumatized by the past and it's only getting worse and worse (and dear God im breaking down, i even got ibs and nightmares, I'm going insane and there's no help. When i take my new med, i just feel miserable on the next day. And my therapist is just convincing me to move out otherwise I won't heal but i need to renovate the house and to pay bills and feed myself and it would be really sad if my birthday money go in that. As a Bulgarian i have a huge trauma with money. My dad was always like "you can't have this and that" and then when my sister was born, she could have anything to fill the emptiness. I just wanted stuff for my birthday but trying to use the money i recieved to fix the damage and it's stressing me out. When i said i might be disabled from mental illness and need a document to prove it recieve a pension instead of working, mom maee it all about herself "i will go submit myself and let's see how you survive". Like excuse me but my sister? Nobody wants to hire her because she's not 18 yet and she tried. God, being a Bulgarian is hell. Our salaries are like 500$ full time and 1$-2bgn. And we all know i can't work full time. I wish i was watching stuff on YouTube or Instagram instead of damn Facebook full of ads. It's just that i can't make money with work because im mental and have ibs and nausea. And idk what to do with this therapist convincing me to move when i tried and it didn't end up well. I'm just too mental too take care of the mold and myself. I can't imagine myself in a 3 room appartment alone. Ah fk me my previous problem was that it was 1 room. Winter is coming and i will get seasonal depression and need sis around or any human. And this damn therapist keeps on convincing me I have to move. I do but i need someone to look after me and the mold. Otherwise i will end up depressed, hungry and in a moldy house. It's not hard since the house is already moldy. It would be sad to spend my birthday money on renovating the damage my half-sibling did. I'm still hysterical like a day or two after this woman told me to not call my half-sibling an animal. Like we're all animals biologically. And i wish i got a dollar every time a Karen told me this, i would have fixed the budget and wouldn't be going mental. The fact that my friend keeps on delaying the holiday and i have more time with The mother in law of the year, is upsetting me, and i can't even go outside because Karens and their kids and hubbys who stayed don't understand mental health. I'm grieving my father. And my mother and sister to some extent. Mom's mentally gone and sis is avoiding me. If only we were cuddling instead of me watching Facebook videos. I hated Facebook from the start, i was getting an internship and my boss made me do it but the unternship never happened because this is Bulgaria and we took out our government when i needed them and now when the government is putting f@scist pro-russian laws like banning everything LGBT and banning foreign funs nobody says sh*t. I'm sorry for my language, in Bulgarian curses are worse and this is actually baby talk, and it's a miracle i still can express my thoughts and feelings instead of typing ahhhhhĥhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhjhhhjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjhhhhhhhhhhhhhfffffgghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhjhhhhhhhhhbGoodness, someone please give me a time mashing. Being scolded for using my funds bad, will only feed my psychosis. I'm going insane and there's no proper help. Just an overpriced peacock therapist who tells me to move out and pills that make me hungover. After taking my new anti-psychitic, i feel like i was on m3th (which is weird because I have never tried m3th). Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. How to release this?!

[hypercat54]

Why not check yourself into a hospital? They will look after you.

[Against_the_current in reply to hypercat54]

Bulgarian hospitals are like horror movies. And the hygiene there is so bad that everytime i go into one, i catch another illness. Beds don't even have sheets. Post-communism hospitals. And i would be in the same room with around three totally ruined old women with Bulgarian hysteria and trying to convince me how communism was better and how im young (therefore immortal) and envious of me, will try to harm me. I already have one 50yo and a teenager in the same room.

My psychiatrist's office

[hypercat54 in reply to Against_the_current]

Would it be better than living with your family whom you seem to thoroughly dislike? Or being alone living apart? As far as I can see these are your only 3 options.

Can you see any others?

[Against_the_current in reply to hypercat54]

I'm a rat in a dead end labyrinth. You don't know how i want to d1e because of hopelessness. My mom's a monster and that's my psychiatrist's waiting room. Her office is worse

[Alpakka123 in reply to Against_the_current]

Oh dear me. Please tell me that that is NOT his office. Yikes!😬

[Against_the_current in reply to Alpakka123]

See why i don't want to get into a mental hospital? I want to but they will finish me

[Alpakka123 in reply to Against_the_current]

I totally get it now. Looks like something out of The Shining...

[Against_the_current in reply to Alpakka123]

I keep saying Bulgaria hospitals are like horror movies

[Starrlight]

I’m glad you got that stuff out. I hope it helped some. What day is your birthday? Mine is September 1st

[Against_the_current in reply to Starrlight]

16th aug. Urs is close