Im scared. I want to cry all the time, i'm weak, fearful, inadequate, vulnerable,disfunctional

[Against_the_current]

I feel miserable. Idk If it's just my physical illness (i have a flu and i hope i feel miserable because of it, not because of my environtment and/or anxiety and depression). I want to cry all the time but too numb to and mom would be mad If i cry. I hope it's just anxiety and she's not that bad. Idk when to go back to university city. My roommates don't understand im on the edge. Talked but still they don't accept. Idk when to go back. Here mom asks me to do stuff, help sis study but mi paralyzed. She doesn't understand it and gets mad.

Im having a lot of intrusive thoughts so i will tell myself it's just anxiety so i don't freak out. I almost fainted. Since i started university, i have been getting feelings like i'm going to faint, tahicardia. I told mom my heart hurts, she told me im hypohondriac. I also get dizzy and lose focus and my vision gets blurry and my head hurts. It's really bad when i have a task like study with sis or apply documents or do something specifical nad i zone out. I htink anxiety hormones are making me dissosiate. I'm having racing thoughts like why do ppl stress me when they need me to do something when it only gets worse and everyone says i need help but nobody gives. Doc says he can't hospitalize me because it's all psychological and because mental health care in this country is like a horror movie. I just need care and safety.

Im scared and want to cry all the time just hope it gets better when my flu is gone

[just_keep_swimming]

I hope you feel better as well . Also for me my anxiety and depression started when I began University so I understand how you feel about not being able to focus on studying and zoning out . I also understand how doing chores and helping others when your anxious can stress you out more , my family does not really understand mental illness so most time I would have to cook , clean ,and help my sister with her work all while still having anxiety.

[Against_the_current in reply to just_keep_swimming]

Yeah, it's so hard

[SoporRose]

Having the flu will make everything else feel worse. But that doesn't mean what you're feeling isn't real. Anxiety and depression are soul-destroying diseases.

I hope you feel better soon and, honestly, I hope after college you can go for your master's degree in another country. You should be proud of yourself for being strong enough to get through university while dealing with all your mental health issues.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Ah i feel bad that i should go to another country, here nobody understands me, but i can't, i'm too deabilitated by my illnesses

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

I know it's impossible now, but I'm going to hope that when you're finished with your undergraduate education, you'll feel better and more confident, and will consider going to a country where you can the medical help you need and deserve.