One more shot. Dad officially burried this family. He's leaving the city and the whole region

[Against_the_current]

My dad will be moving out. I'm in southeast Bulgaria, he will be going to northwest. And he didn't even speak to us, my sister just spilled it. I remember my damn stepmom saying she doesn't like the city and if it wasn't us, she would make him move southwest but never expected that. He hadn't even talked to me. Mom said "yeah, he must be broke and seeking better job" which idk if she ment it but i felt guilty that i don't have a job and im taking from his money and still haven't moved out of my accommodation. It was a better place because nit so much drama but then i got my sickness trauma flared up and i couldn't stay. But she said he decided it long sgo. He never told us when he hot married, when he got the child, when he wanted to move out. It's like a thunder from a clear sky. Bad things keep on happening. Family bad things and global bad things. Doesn't he know we love him? And he could have spoken to me, i would have moved out and even started a job immediately IF i fvcking knew (and if it was on me, probably it wasn't even because of me but that damn woman who pretends to be nice but hates my city) even mentally debilitated (by him and by mom who was a consequence of him) i would have done anything to keep him. Even with it i would have done anything to keep him. He's not 20 to be moving cities and starting new families. I can't save myself, i can't save mom and sis. I'm critically wounded once again and nobody cares. And it all came out because sis wanted to go on a concert and mom said she doesn't have money and sis started "you never have, one more year and i will start a job and won't need you to go anywhere because i can't count on you". Ik people say "you're adults" but in this country family sticks together and also im mentally ruined since 2020 and im just getting back in age, regressing. Me and mom can't support sis like he does

[Lovely2024]

Bad things keep happening, right? I’ve learned that are things that only God can fix, and that sometimes, for some reason, He might choose not to fix them in the way we would like Him to. And yet, He makes us stronger and wiser and works everything for our good when we love Him.

I’m sure there are people here that could tell you it is the same for them. God didn’t intervene in our lives and completely changed our circumstances the way we envisioned He would. But if you seek Him, if you really seek a deep, real relationship with God, He will take care of you no matter which way your life goes. And you will always know He is right there by your side every time you need Him.

I wish I could offered more help or a solution to your difficult situation. I can’t, but I can send you to the One who can and will help you if you approach Him humbly and ask Him to take control of your life and the life of your family,. He is the ultimate Savior, the ultimate rescuer and the only true hope you will find in this world. God is a prayer away. Put your life and your circumstances in His capable hands and you will never regret it. Sending you lots of hugs ❤️

[worthytobeloved in reply to Lovely2024]

What a lovely reply! It made me feel better too. Thank you!

[Lovely2024 in reply to worthytobeloved]

You are very welcome. I’m happy it helped you! ❤️

[gajh]

I care.

[Alpakka123]

Hi AtC,Life isn't static. It moves forward. Just like it moves on for you, it moves on for others in your family as well. Everyone has free will.

My mom passed in August 2021. My dad started dating her best friend shortly after. He turned into a teenager when that happened. It was the weirdest and most surreal thing I had ever witnessed. They got engaged that November and married in March 2022. 3 years later and it's still surreal to see them together. 3 years later and I still cringe when they kiss.

The point in telling you this is to say that life goes on for people. Just like you have a right to move on, so does your dad. You say "he's not 20 to be moving cities and starting new families". Well, I hate to say it, but I had a very similar thought when my dad turned into a teenager. My version was "darn it, dad! you're 68! Please for the love of all things green act like it!".

If you really think about it, who are we to dictate how others should be living their lives. Who are you to "tell" your dad that he's too old to be moving cities and starting new families. Who am I to "tell" my dad to act his age.

It hurts to watch; I know this all too well now. But it IS their life.

[Against_the_current in reply to Alpakka123]

Yes but my sister needs him. He's leaving us alone with an alcoholic

[bethelbee in reply to Against_the_current]

I know it's difficult but he has a right to a new life just as you do. You can't blame him for leaving an alcoholic who he has had to deal with for years. I agree with the next comment by MaggieSylvie.

[Alpakka123 in reply to Against_the_current]

You're kinda preaching to the choir here. I need my dad too. He's not the dad I know. He's prioritizing his new wife. I travelled across the Atlantic Ocean two weeks ago for a family reunion that starts on Thursday. One of the people I was excited about seeing was my dad. But do you know what my sister-in-law told me yesterday? She told me that he's not flying in until Friday! What the heck! He knows I'm here. Yet he's choosing to not fly in until the day before my husband and I fly back home?? We live 5000 miles away!!!! It's not like we can just pop over to him whenever. We've been here since July 18. Our flight home is on August 3. And I'll get to see my dad for a grand total of less than 24 hours...🤦‍♀️ Nice, huh??

I remember wanting to go visit him not too long after him and this woman got married. I was on Messenger with him and we were deciding how long I'd stay (in the hotel; I wasn't about to stay together with them in their house). Do you know what his suggestion was? 3 days! What the heck!! His justification for suggesting that was to tell me a saying that I have never, ever heard him or anyone else say before (meaning that he must have learnt it from his new wife). The saying was: "you know what they say about relatives. They are like fish. After 3 days they start to stink". What the heck! Mom dies and all of a sudden his children turn into relatives who start to stink after 3 days? We are his children, for Pete's sake! Makes me wonder if we started to stink 3 days after we were born?...🤔

The only explanation for his behavior that my brothers and I have come up with that we can live with is that he's trying to solidify his relationship with this woman before he reverts back to being the dad we know. I am not as mad at him anymore because of this explanation. I mean, his world was blown apart when mom died (his life partner of 46 years). All of our world's were. We all grieve separately. Him prioritizing this woman is part of him grieving. He lost his partner. He doesn't want to lose her too. (and plus, she lost her life partner in 2017; the story we were told is that she and my dad bonded over the mutual experience of both having lost a spouse).

It HURTS to be put aside. It HURTS like Hell!! But it's where we're at right now. Please give your dad a break. People don't just grieve when someone dies. They grieve when anything traumatic happens. You are grieving the fact that your mom and dad are divorced. That is normal to do. BUT...your dad is also grieving. You just can't recognize it because it's not in the way you are (this is not a criticism; one of the people helping me through things had to tell me that this was my dad grieving). Your dad's life was shattered with the divorce. He's trying to pick up the pieces of that shattered life. Just like you need time to pick up the pieces of your life post-divorce, so does he.

My experience is that it seems ironic that it takes a tragedy for us to really learn about each other. I mean, I never knew my dad could cry. But guess what he did at the funeral? I never thought my dad would be seeing a therapist. But guess who he's seeing? Children see their parents as superheroes. They were born superheroes. Actually, they weren't even born; they just appeared out of thin air. And God forbid that they were ever teenagers. I mean, sheesh! But, guess what conversation I remember having with my dad as he and this woman were figuring each other out? I remember him saying that he would count the number of heart emojis at the end of her texts. It was like "well, good talking with you, but I need to go throw up now".

[Against_the_current in reply to Alpakka123]

He ruined us all and has the audacity to tell me we're adults. Then act like one, go yo therapy like i do, instead of impregnating tomboys my age and moving across the country. I'm sorry for your dad, that's so unfair

[Alpakka123 in reply to Against_the_current]

Thanks. I'm okay with it now, but I sure wasn't back then. One of the things my dad told me that helped was that he wasn't replacing mom. He was instead trying to cope with having lost her.

He didn't ruin you guys. It maybe feels like it, but he didn't. It's times like these when you learn that parents actually have lives separate from their children. How dare they, right? It's like, "you mean to tell us that we're NOT the center of your world???" And that does hurt. I get it. But please give him a break. He's only human after all.

[MaggieSylvie]

In a country where families stick together, that must have been a dreadful shock to you. I am so sorry.

It is a nightmare for everyone involved, and I mean that; being the other woman, there are rights and wrongs, things known and not known, and it is not a picnic. But putting that to one side, this now opens the world up a little more for you. When you're looking for a job, would you be able to find one in the North East, where you can find a place to live on your own but still have Dad not too far away, but no longer for financial support, but perhaps for integration into that family. It's probably too early to even think about it, but there it is. Stay put, and your dad has not left the face of the earth.😊

[Against_the_current in reply to MaggieSylvie]

It's a smaller city, I don't think i will find something there, also I've never been there and i would be stressed

[MaggieSylvie in reply to Against_the_current]

By the time you have had a job for a little while, you will be able to afford your own car and the world will open up for you.