Met some guy on Instagram months ago. He has a page about Bulgarian history, i was just on my main page with just posting like a blog, selfies, sometimes photos and memes. I need this dopamine from scrolling and from validation. I need someone to talk to. I need support. Years im struggling. My dad left my mom and made my life a living hell. So yes, im jealous. Also dad left the city and moved far away and mom and sis moved to his place. I've been alone. Struggling so much that i can't even do my chores. I might have gotten neurodivergence from all the trauma. Also the financial pressure and the One fly over a coocoo's nest experience at the mental hospital. I swear i tried my best not to fall for anyone. I was even trying to convince myself im a lesbian. But i needed support. Then he started loveboming me. Firstly i got scared, i should have remained, but then started feeling good about myself. Like im pretty and loved. He sent me one reel that made me tolerate his dirty reels. Then, yesterday, he sent me a reel with a baby in a dino costume and the reel said "we should have one of these one day". I felt so much butterflies and i don't even want kids because my health is really bad. I can't eat at all from days. And had fever. We gamed and he called me baby and we gamed duo and so. From months he's calling me baby and sending me dirty reels and cute reels. I even asked him to stop once. Now i just asked the girl we were playing with where she knows him from and she snitched. He got mad. He said it's none of my business. Even though he's jealous af. He said we are not boyfriend girlfriend. He said "no wonder your parents hate you, you deserve it" and "im tired of listening to you" when i opened up to him and he knows what im going through. He just attacked me. Im acting like that because my dad broke my mother's heart and because my parents mistreated me. Not they mistreat me because i act like that. He called me delusional and crazy. It's really cruel to call someone with anxiety and depression crazy. I think he just tried to hurt me or get a scapegoat by gaslighting me when he provoked it. The same day he was calling me baby, and cutie and love. Then i shouldn't have gone to game, i would still have him, but i felt like even if i don't log in, he will play with her and even worse that im not there. I hate my favourite videogame and my favourite shows now. My face is in needles. Im out of Clonasepam and my other meds and i just took two xanaxes. I shouldn't have asked her, she shouldn't have snitched to him. He gets jealous but when i do he got cruel, said terrible things and blocked me. I was even trying to match him both in the disturbing reels and in the cuteness and in the cruelty. But i can't. And when i get mean because the skies didn't stop falling on me since years without a break, im rude. I did my best to protect myself. I didn't date till 22-23, hadn't slept with anyone, but i was all alone, mom visiting sometimes but only making it worse. Her life and my life got destroyed by dad cheating, so it's normal for me to just ask the girl where she knows him from. And i just wanted to talk about the butterflies so i told her idk what are we, since last time i tried to talk to her, he made a scene and said "we're not dating". If you have nothing to hide, as it seemed, why so upset? And why did she snitch? Be a girls' girl. And i want him back. I wish i didn't text her, i wish i didn't log in to game. Im sick anyway. I had a feeling but i guess i was too bored and paranoid. I ruined everything. If i hadn't texted her, he would still be calling me baby and sweety instead of crazy and deserving of my parents hating me. How can you say this to someone struggling who opened up? And whom you called your safe place that he could be himself and open up to me? I shouldn't have texted her, I didn't trust my intuition, she snitched. I would still have him. I want him back. And he blocked me both in game and in Instagram, not even me.
Heartbreak even though i tried to be ... - Anxiety and Depre...
Heartbreak even though i tried to be heartless, knowing my state. And this dopamine lack hits. Plus im all alone
Hello,
It sounds like this guy really triggers you and is unhealthy for your mental health and wellbeing.
If I were in your position, I would cut ties and forget about them. Your wellbeing is much more important than these games they are playing with your head.
You are deserving of much more respect.
Hello, thank you. He already cut all ties with me. He blocked me immediately after i asked what are we and he said those cruel things. Wish i was the one to block. I miss him. I need someone to check in on me. Thank you for reminding me i deserve better and that i should put myself first. I'm really struggling and he left me without support.
Thank you. I feel like im old and it will only get worse. I researched accuired neurodivergence since i experience adhd burn out and freezing without being diagnosed with adhd because in my country nobody above 10 gets diagnosed with it. I have really bad c-ptsd. I feel like things are only getting worse as mom's aging and won't be able to support me and now i not only can't work but i can't even take basic care of myself and my place especially after this heartbreak. Yeah, i feel like it's some kind of Stockholm syndrome, thanks for bringing it up. I feel so humiliated. Like i was @ssaultee and i fell in love
The original comment was really helpful and woke me up but was deleted. Well, im glad i saw it
Sorry all this happened to you - no wonder you feel hurt and abused. Apart from this site (which is monitored) it's best to stay away from getting involved with strangers online, even if you seem to get on so well at first. Sadly, it seems there are more and more males (boys, mainly) who get to know a girl and then deliberately hurt her. It seems the fashion - they want to be like Andrew Tate and his brother. I had a similar experience - we met by post but then we met up a few times. He swept me off my feet - I was besotted, but in the end he dunped me when he found someone else, and then tried to get me back when she finished with him.Life is hard enough anyway without people playing games like that.
I so understand your desire to be loved - don't we all! Having read your posts over the years and feel like I've got to know you a bit, my suggestion would be LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF FIRST AND FOREMOST, and try not to react to what other people have or haven't done to you. I would also suggest trying your best to have a good relationship with your parents, sister and grandparents - as they are blood family and families usually love each other unconditionally (even if they don't show it)! Remember, they are human too - they have problems as well.
Have you tried to practice gratefulness? Have you anything to be grateful for? Every time you have a negative thought try to add a positive thought in your mind as soon as possible. For example, are you grateful for this site, where you can share your worries and, on the whole, people care about you. I know from previous posts you've made how many lovely kind replies you've had, showing how popular you are here!
Take care. xxx
Hey, im sorry you went through that. I just survive with what i have, whatever i can. Im barely making it. My family won't listen. Any interaction with them is pain. And they're busy on their own BS too, thinking they will be dying. I wrote a post about a post dad made. These people come from another society. I was born after 1989. And they have clearly stated they will die without understanding me. Idk how to love myself. I tried. Im barely surviving. Take care
Thinking of you and wishing you lots of love and luck! xxx
If it's any consolation, my family don't bother with me either!
How do you deal with them
I'm just nice to them when they bother with me. Otherwise I just leave them alone to get on with their lives.
I just worry about them
That's natural. Even if sometimes you don't feel you love them, there is that strong connection there. They might be touched to know that you worry about them!
I have told them. They were just annoyed
You did your best.
I have been thinking about how you are doing. What I learned from experience is online game /chat rooms are not the place to find friends. Friends can become family but we don’t get to choose blood relatives. That being said, because they are blood doesn’t mean we have to be “friends “ with them. I have a sister and a brother left in my family. I rarely talk to either of them. There has been too many times they have lied to me, and hurt me one way or another. I spend most of my time alone with my animals. They love me unconditionally, no matter how off balanced I am. And they don’t lie.
You have to put the past hurts behind you. They can’t be changed but you can determine the future for yourself. You can come here anytime and know no one will lie to you, call you bad names or use you for their own purposes. Fill your mind with enjoyable things . Maybe research how to decorate your place to make it your home. I love Pinterest. So many cute ideas that don’t cost much money but will look nice. Maybe if you concentrate on something positive you will not think about all the bad stuff in your life. Positive thoughts bring happiness.
Thank you. That is really beautiful. Just im so depressed i can't even wash the dishes, there's stuff everywhere since it's a one room place and i brought all the stuff from my university place. Also im worried that im broke and with paying my health insurance and the inflation my savings are melting. I wanted some candles and i felt anxious and didn't get them. I know i shouldn't but online is the only place i can talk to someone. And i need to let the past aside but it's tattooed on my brain. I try to not think about dad and his kid but my neighbours have a baby and they start screaming at 7am and i just wake up or have intense nightmares. How to leave that behind? I need to. It's ruining my life, my future and my health
What a lovely, kind reply!
Nice to hear from you No_Longer_Human, you have accomplished and experienced so much including your Hospital experience and the latest one with this guy online. You are a smart girl, good writer, and these recent "negative" experiences are just making you grow stronger, I can see it in your posts. I believe this is a healthy process for you and I have faith you will succeed. If you were in your 40's right now and you had a daughter your age going through exactly what you are, what would you tell her (remember, you love her and want the best and her to succeed, no negative stuff). Use your special talents, inner values, and broad experiences in your recommendations for her. The more she does not have positive goals, values, and actions for the future and in the present, the more she is susceptible to negativity in all aspects of her life now. Good luck No_Longer_Human, you are getting better.
What a lovely, kind reply!
Thank you. I needed to hear that these things are making me stronger because i truly believed they were finishing me off
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