Morning Horrors

[PillJunkie]

I have been struggling with anxiety and depression for nearly five years now. In addition to the usual anti-anxiety and anti-depression drugs, I have tried: Lithium, Ketamine Trials, ECT and Magnetic Stimulation.

My current cocktail is: Sertraline 200mg AM, Methylphenidate 36mg AM, Lorazepam 1mg AM, Pregabalin 350mg at night, Quetiapine 500mg at night.

I also take supplements: Magnesium, Rhodiola 500mg at night, Theanine 250mg AM, Biotin 100ug AM. Zinc 20mg AM, Selenium 55ug AM, Vit D3 8000iu AM, Iron 14mg AM, Phosphatidylserine 300mg at night, Ashwagandha 600mg at night.

This combination has made me feel almost normal during the afternoon and evening, I experience the most dreadful symptoms when I wake. It's a very deep depression and anxiety. It's as if my amygdala is in complete control until my frontal cortex wakens, triggered by the Lorazepam and Methylphenidate. By mid morning I have the worst of the symptoms under control. despite the knowledge that I'll be over the worst of the symptoms within two hours, I can't control those terrifying thoughts every morning.

My psychiatrist says that he has run out of ideas. Has anybody out there experienced this.

Thank you for reading this.

[Agora1]

Is it possible to overdo a good thing PillJunkie. I've learned through my own

experience that it is. More is not better at times. Once the psychiatrist tells

you they have run out of options, that's the time to become your own Advocate.

I'm not saying to stop the meds you are on cold turkey. However look for other

options out there that are not invasive,, that may not require so much medication

that you no longer know how you feel.

It happened to me at one time. So drugged up I wanted to sleep my life away.

Is that living?? Barely existing is more like it.

This community can help support you and not let you feel so all alone, so hopeless

in finding answers. They are out there. I tell you that once you are on the right

medication, the right dosage and the right time of day, your life will be much more

uncomplicated. You will see clearer and be able to address your issues w/o a

foggy head.'

Like the song "I Can See Clearly Now" the rain is gone. I can see all obstacles

in my way. I wish this for you. Believe me, Life can be Amazing. I know xx

[PillJunkie in reply to Agora1]

Thank you for your supportive words, Agora1. What you say makes a lot of sense and I should become my own Advocate

[Agora1 in reply to PillJunkie]

We're here to help you through this stage of healing xx

[gajh]

Hello and Welcome. I don't really have a solution for you, but I do have a question for you, if you don't mind. I have not heard of Phosphatidylserine. Did you notice an actual improvement in mood once you started taking it or are you just taking it in case it is helping? I take quite a few supplements, but I can't honestly say if I know they are helping me or not. I am open to trying something new if it is going to actually work. I would like to hear your experience with it. My other question is have you tried taking that in the morning instead of at night? What I saw recommended taking it in the morning when the cortisol is the highest to help with anxiety. If you haven't tried that yet, it may be worth a try.

[Agora1 in reply to gajh]

gajh, you are right in that the time you take the medication can

make all the difference in the world. xx

[PillJunkie in reply to gajh]

Thank you for responding. I started taking a number of supplements at the same time, so I can't tell if one particular supplement is making any difference. I should have introduced them one at a time. A bit dumb really!

I take the anti-anxiety and antidepressants mostly at night in a vain hope that they will prevent the horrors. I already have drugs that will ease them relatively quickly. But however much I dose myself up at night, I haven't found a combination that will prevent them.

I took a Cortisol test the other week and, oddly enough, it showed my levels to be perfectly normal in the mornings, but spiked upwards at midday and stayed above the range for the rest of the day.

[gajh in reply to PillJunkie]

Would you be open to trying the Phosphatidylserine in the morning just to see if it might help? That is too bad that you didn't take that on it's own to know for sure if it is helping or not. I have been taking Ashwagandha 450 mg for quite a while with no obvious benefit. I am not going to reorder that when I run out. I will wait and see if I notice anything from stopping. It is such a hard decision with the supplements. I read about them. I want to believe what I read. I want them to help me. I am continuing to take so many in that hope. I am always open to trying something new, just in case.

[PillJunkie in reply to gajh]

I know exactly what you mean! Trying anything in the hope it will make a difference. It may be worth trying Phosphatidylserine in the morning. As I said, my existing meds are quite good, but perhaps the supplement will make things work even more quickly.

[gajh in reply to PillJunkie]

I would give it a try. You just never know. I will consider trying it the next time I order my supplements. I wrote it down so that I will remember. You know one thing that has helped me so much is being active on this site. Maybe when you are struggling the most in the morning you would have time to come on, read posts, make posts, and replies. There is so much support available her.

[PillJunkie in reply to gajh]

I think that's a very good idea. It will be challenging when I'm at my worst, but worth a try.

[BlueAgave]

Hello PillJunkie. I also strugle with increased anxiety in the mornings. One thing I have learned is that for many, blood sugar is usually lower in the mornings and cortisol is increased after waking. These are things out of our control. However, we can use this time to have a bite to eat and say take a walk. I am starting to do meditation first thing in the mornings as well. My question for your physician would be why Methylphenidate? I know that is a stimulant medication. Something to ask. I hope that you can find the relief you are looking for and sometimes that comes from within ourselves. 💕

[PillJunkie in reply to BlueAgave]

Hello BlueAgave

Yes, I have found that my symptoms worsen when I'm hungry. I took a Cortisol test the other week and, oddly enough, it showed my levels to be perfectly normal in the mornings, but spiked upwards at midday and stayed above the range for the rest of the day.

Methylphenidate has worked for me, so I don't question it. I may have a problem shortly. Methylphenidate is not licensed for anxiety or depression in the UK, so I will have to come off it.

Thank you for you kind sentiments BlueAgave

[BlueAgave in reply to PillJunkie]

That's good if it works for you. I was actually more curious as to how it works being that it's a stimulant medication. But you're working with a doctor and that's great. Are you not able to take medications "off label" in the UK? Just curious. I find the differences between medications and medical care between countries interesting.

[PillJunkie in reply to BlueAgave]

I can't find anywhere that sells Modafinil off-label. There's a general shortage in the UK with a lot of kids, with ADHD, coming up to exam time. This drug helps them focus.

[BlueAgave in reply to PillJunkie]

True, I did forget there's a shortage here too. Sorry 😔

[PillJunkie in reply to BlueAgave]

Thank you.

[NorwegianWood]

I know what the morning difficulties feel like and I know that once I've showered and started my day, or gone for a run, my day is mostly okay.

I do know that walking 30mins/day has been shown to be as good as medication for depression and maybe anxiety to a lesser extent.

Getting out of bed asap seems to be the best of options. I used to place an alarm clock on the other side of the room to get me out of bed. Perhaps then shower or eat breakfast and avoid going back to the comfort of your bed. Hard, I know.

[PillJunkie in reply to NorwegianWood]

Thank you NowegianWood. Some good thoughts there. My routine is to swim for at least 30 mins each morning. The problem I have on waking is that I cannot function at any level, much as I try.

[NorwegianWood in reply to PillJunkie]

You're doing well to be able to swim each morning. That's a great start!

[PillJunkie in reply to NorwegianWood]

Thank you😊

[punkster]

I also experience anxiety in the morning. However, I do not take any medications anymore. They made me feel awful. One thing that helps me is to do a workout. This reduces my anxiety. I follow my workout with food. Being hungry increases my anxiety. I'm not sure if you would feel like working out in the morning, however, you could try taking a walk. There is something about rhythmic movement that helps reduce anxiety. There are also meditations available to do while walking. I like to listen to music.

[PillJunkie in reply to punkster]

Thanks punkster. You have my greatest respect for coming off all medications. How many different medications? How long did it take you to free yourself entirely and did you suffer withdrawal?

Yes, being hungry increases my symptoms too. My psychiatrist cannot offer an explanation for that.

I'm partially disabled, following a stroke 28 years ago, but I can swim and I do that every day.

Thank you for your advice.

[punkster]

I tried several different antidepressants to help me with my anxiety. All three of them made me feel like I was walking around in a haze, even at the lowest dose. The withdrawal from them was hell. I have tried sleeping pills to help me sleep, but none of them worked. I have tried benzos for anxiety, but I didn't like the way they way they made me feel when I was awake. I also tried CBD (no THC) and many natural supplements, but they didn't really do anything to help reduce anxiety. A lot of my anxiety was exacerbated by Covid, and now that things have kind of died down it makes it easier for me to manage my anxiety. Sometimes I think that the more medications you take the more likely they are to interact with each other. I don't know this for sure, though.

[PillJunkie in reply to punkster]

I admire you for being brave enough to come off those drugs - well done! I recognise all of those side effects that you mention. I had some very dark, desperate, days and would take any new pills prescribed by my psychiatrist. I'm now in that hazy, dizzy place that you mention. I'm frightened to come off them because of what I might do if I go back there.

[kainasar]

Ok these are reports Ive seen from other people Quetiapine have given nightmares, lots of mixed up imagery into morning, If one has less one might not need the wakeup meds. ive heard ritalin can push one over the seratonin edge. Also Ive read the body can only digest abt 400iu / 600mg at a time.

[PillJunkie in reply to kainasar]

Thank you, kainasar, very interesting. I'm on 500mg Quetiapine; I may try a further small reduction. The trouble is that I'm hit with feelings of depression and anxiety on waking and I don't want that to worsen.

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

I remember at the worst point in my life with anxiety and depression I was on about 6 different meds. It was a bad place for me. But I realized something. Much like you I was afraid of anxiety. I feared the fear. I hoped that taking so many pills would alleviate that fear but it didn't.

After talking with my therapist, I realized that only I could fear myself of that fear. Eventually over time I got off the Lexapro and Clonazepam. I already forgotten what the others were for.

Sure I had a relapse of my anxiety. After 10+ years of bliss. And back on Clonazepam 0.5mg But I learned something this time around that I didn't learn previously. Anxiety will never go away. It's something you live with. However doesn't mean it has to rob you of a good life. You can get to a place where anxiety is just background noise. Fear that you feel every morning is the only heighten up even more because before you go to bed you are already dreading the moment you wake up. Anxiety can't kill you. Anxiety is uncomfortable and can make you have uncomfortable sensations. But you won't die. I know it's scary to let things slide and just write them off as "this is only anxiety" because you have had some health scares. You probably don't want to take that chance. Fear of fear is just going to be with you until you learn to face it.

A book that helped me was Dare by Barry McDonagh really helped me with learning about anxiety. And I've improved a lot over the last 4years. I hope to eventually get to the point again where I'm off of Clonazepam.

Wishing you healing and peace 🫂 ❤️

[PillJunkie in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

Thank you, CL3V3R-G1RL. What you say makes total sense. To a certain extent I do disregard anxiety as only a morning problem. I'll check out that book you mention. Thanks again.