Every single morning I have found my anxiety and depression to be extremely intense. More intense than at night. I used to set alarms for every two hours just to make sure I can wake up and know that I can quickly fall asleep to have just a few moments of peace before I wake up and lay in my bed. Also waking up very tired would help me keep more of a level head. I have strayed away from this, but I still try to stay up late because it is the only time I am remotely at peace. I wake up in a pool of sweat every night, to the point where my bed is so moist that I need to take my t-shirt off and lay down a town to not lay in a pool of sweat.
When I wake up in the morning I know get a physical sensation that feels like a tingly blanket is wrapped around my body making my mind think it is hard to move. It is starting to scare me. My mind immediately starts racing, thinking fear fueled thoughts that stick with me throughout the day. I know I need to get up instead of wallowing in these debilitating thoughts but I am so tired most of the time I just let the feelings beat me down to the point of tears and hitting myself in the face.
Going to class still proves to be nearly pointless, besides attendance points, because I am unable to focus for more than a few seconds or minutes. I feel like a sad goldfish. After my classes are finished for the day, I nap and just put off my homework because I lack the motivation to do it. I have been working out with a friend, and that feels good but it's hard to do things alone.
I feel like I am annoying the living shit out of one of my friends who has been helping me though this. One of my main anxieties this week is that my EX girlfriend, who I am still cripplingly in love with, will be visiting the same college I am this weekend and attending a party that I will be at as well. I am so scared to see here. I lock up when I do and freak out. I put all of my control staying sane in her (even though she did not know that), so it makes sense that seeing her makes me insane lol.
I really hate how I feel throughout each day. I feel so detached from reality and everyday feels like a lucid nightmare. I am going to another counseling session today, but I just don't know how to help myself because after I leave the meeting and am alone, I'm lost. My thoughts never stop racing. I have a paper to write tonight for school, but I am scared that I will not get myself to do it because I am so tired emotionally and physically. I cannot focus on one thing my anxiety just causes me to go in circles and I hate doing the work alone, which tonight I know I will have to. My anxiety gets a bit easier to deal with at night but my depression gets a bit more intense. I need this to stop. It is ruining what is supposed to be one of the best times of my life and I'm just fucking wasting away.
Well I have been using this website for around a day now and I am overwhelmed with the support that I have been getting and I cannot thank you all enough.
too depressed to do anything
Post Therapy Hangover
Morning Anxiety Techniques
am I alone
