Regret going to group therapy. Overwhelmed, another day wasted and money wasted. Why do all my attempts to get help backflip?

[Against_the_current]

So i had a crisis some days ago and texted and old therapist that i loved. Told her it passed but now I'm wondering whether to go to group therapy. She said i deside but maybe it could be beneficial. At the last moment i went. Late. Saw people who just didn't feel right. Much older than me and with different diagnosis. I totally loved my past support group (the one that was about social anxiety and disbanded because of social anxiety. I liked the people more, they weren't so pushy because they were socially anxious like me, they were my age, their illness was like mine). These people are older and look like the illness has eaten them inside. It scares me i will end up like them. And are extroverted, even wanted to exchange phone numbers. The psychologist was always praising some really damaged old lady as if she's a kid. She even made me praise her which felt like an insult to me and if she didn't have half her councious lost, would feel to her too. I stayed there like "how am i different even from the different ones? I can make coherent sentences and yet i suffer the most. I am not normal. Not clinically abnormal. What am i? Who am i? I can think but thinking hurts. I think too much. Some people don't think. Some can't think. What am i? These people are friendly towards me, even too friendly, and yet i feel extremely uncomfortable. Is it just social anxiety? Or is something wrong? Or am i an intolerant monster who can't work what they study for? What am i? I am built different. And I can't survive. Maybe isolating was my best strategy. I did a mistake. Now how to dodge the next meeting and should i dodge it? The therapist said we have to warn, we can't just not show up. And what if next time it goes better? Is it a disaster or am i just anxious? Why did i came not feeling well and broke? I'm so stupid". And another thing i have pain in my lower belly and back and i shared it here and i got worried it's something worrisome and i called dad right after the meeting. I was still anxious. He said to go buy a can and have tests done. I couldn't tell him im running out of money after attending. I hate myself for going. I regret it so much. And why did i call him in the panic?! I'm so stupid. I can handle absolutely nothing. Im overwhelmed and anxious and i want to cry but can't and I want to write it out but can't. With me being sensetive to everything i have to put myself in jail before the exam. One meeting and the whole day is gone. And the next. Why am I like this? What am i? Why did I goooo?😭Note : Therapy here isn't on American or European level. My stupid landlord and his undrinkable water making me hurt and having to call dad as if my mental problems aren't enough. And this is not the normal world, i can't complain it and have it fixed. Both the water and the therapy quality.

[Starrlight]

I’m reading along. My heart goes out to you. ❤️

[Starrlight]

I want to add that you can be proud for going and trying to get something out of group. I have trouble going out and I think you are brave.

[Against_the_current in reply to Starrlight]

Thank you

[Hidden]

I have my own opinions about so called "therapy" and so called "therapists" ........If it makes you feel any better ( I hope it does) so called "therapy in good ol' red white and blue A'Murika is just as ridiculous as it could possibly be anywhere else on the planet. it's not YOU that's OFF. it's the rest of the so called "human race"

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Im not made for this planet. How do i erase myself

[Atthepark]

Omg I totally relate I was in group therapy and felt alot of the same way u did everyone was older and there is always that one person who goes on and on abt their problems and I'm like I'm not done talking I got more stuff to say after my turn had passed and I dint like the people and my mom scares me she is so off of her rocker I'm scared I'm going to be like her life sucks I'm not being rude but a friend told me suck it up buttercup lol well at least I laughed when she said she a 71 year old coworker but yeah life has its upside and downs don't forget about all the good time s u experience and maybe try to lift weight or go ona walk or something idk I'm trying to figure it out myself

[Existing in reply to Atthepark]

Another attitude like mine, boom! Suck it up, buttercup😄 I wanna show them where to suck it up😄You are another one who sees things clearly, I would probably think your mom is off her rocker too! 😅🤣

[Against_the_current in reply to Atthepark]

Exactly! You understand. And my mom's same. I'm so tired. I'm sorry you have to go through this circus as well

[Existing]

Hey, hey HEY!! You are an excellent writer and so much of what you said is true and perceptive and only small self talk is not true.Let me reframe what you told us.

1. Not like your other group, where everyone had same issue (*so you could all relate), (*not so pushy, which is the worst for social anxiety, and therapist set you up to feel uncomfortable (*by having to praise that lady).

Rewind.

It was good you reached out to your old therapist.

It was good she invited you to the group.

Its crazy good you were brave enough to go.

Everything you wrote was very descriptive about how uncomfortable you felt, and specific things they did that made you more uncomfortable.

What I hear and admire is that you are very in tune with things, not just self aware (to the degree that it was just your anxiety making you too self conscious) but pretty objective about the things people were doing that was not helpful for someone with social anxiety.

And only a couple of times did you turn on yourself (I'm so stupid) far from it.

Here's my take, and feel free to disregard:

Your instincts sounded right on that you need a group for people like you, and I don't see that group ever fitting your needs.

And you would not have known that had you not gone.

You did everything right! And you know what you need, and what doesn't fit. You are ahead of most!👏👍🤜

[SoporRose in reply to Existing]

I don't have anything to add to all the perceptive observations others made except to support what they have to say. I hope you can find a more appropriate group since the other one seemed to help you.

[Against_the_current in reply to Existing]

Thank you so much! So encouraging and well- understanding. Thank you

[Existing]

Oh and ..your therapists weird rule: you have to warn, not just not show up".Thats like a set up,for someone with anxiety, but especially social anxiety! The 2 competing needs: too anxious-because same people who make me anxious. against. You have to go, or give warning. No changing your mind on the way because you are having some silly panic attack on your way, and get hit by a car.. no, you have to come.

😄🤣 somebody's been lying to that therapist! Thats a horrible rule/threat.

[Hidden in reply to Existing]

I totally agree. that "therapist" needs to enroll in the nearest toilet cleaning academy. "therapists" ugh....................what a load of cobblers

[Against_the_current in reply to Existing]

Ikr! I think she made this rule because in the last group nobody showed up and she got mad and cancelled it

[Existing in reply to Against_the_current]

I love therapy, but its so important to find one you can trust to stay on YOUR needs, not theirs.

[Against_the_current in reply to Existing]

Yeah. The thig is that i changed so many therapists and didn't find the one fir me