I just have anxiety and anxiety attacks all the time and i don't even know why, i have acid reflux even though i was on Omeprazol for a few days, i need reassurance and people get annoyed at the stupid things i ask for reassurance over. Sis is ignoring me and thinking im crazy. Grandma is annoying me and im annoying her and mom. Yesterday arrived at Grandma's house with mom and sis, tommorow morning mom and sis will leave. I was anxious even when i was alone in my accommodation and unable to sleep at night because of anxiety and acids. My other grandma called me and asked me how i am but mom was in the same room when i said i struggle at night so i said i struggle at night because of my acids (instead of saying im anxious). Grandma told me to drink parsley tea...like seriously? And it's not some grandparents wisdom...she just saw it online. And said i would lose weight...like okay, I'm suffering so let's casually bodyshame me. Since i was a little she has been telling me to eat idk what to lose weight and this resulted in me doing the exactly opposite. I'm trying to survive, it's normal for my body to be in fight or flight and gaining or losing weight is the last thing i think about when i can't even breathe. I want to scream. My uncle has a dog with ptsd. The dog bites everyone. But when i have ptsd, I'm not allowed to even yell at both my grandmothers' bs? Like c'mon I'm not even biting anyone...
Like oh my, medicine didn't help my anxiety and acids but the parsley will. If more people knew, pharmacies would bankrupt. My psychiatrist has a professor degree in medicine but i guess grandma knows better. I have a bachelor degree in psychology but i freeze and can't explain to sis I'm not crazy. It broke my heart. She said "why are you going to the sanatorium? For crazyness?" And i said"crazy" ppl are not self-aware of their problems. So she just said "So you're not crazy because you know you're crazy". Like how to explain to her that I'm traumatazed from our parents without hurting her and the rest of the fam around. I eat bullets for her. But she just ignores me and thinks I'm crazy and annoying. She doesn't want to play with me, dresses masculine. And my anxiety starts telling me all kinds of terrible things about her. (So please don't suggest she's traumatized or outgrown me because those are my top 3 worst assumptions alongside with "i ran away and now she doesn't need me/want to re-establish our connection" and "she's looking like our stepmother too much even though mom makes efforts to care about her and she still thinks of mom as annoying too"). And mom's struggling too so i understand how hard it must be to take care of hr...or im getting under her influence?... What the hell is real? I locked myself in the bathroom to cool down and reach out because I'm really going insane. And the heat here doesn't help
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Against_the_current
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Oh I love the family solutions when they get tossed out. I don't travel well due to health issues but can do it with wheel chair etc. My parents really want me to visit them and I want to visit them too.....but they belittle my mental and physical issues. It's constant. My Mom suggested I try to find a free service to fly me. I'm like hey Mom, those are for like people almost dead and for kids dying. AHAHAHAH! Then I have an addict sister that lives by my parents and they raised her kids. She can do no wrong!
The heat can mess with us all this time of year for sure too. I can comment on acid reflux. Believe it or not, I am on omeprazole 40 mgs twice a day. Large dose. I too had issues if I didn't take at night as well as during the day. You may need to see a GI doc if the acid continues. In lieu of omeprazole, Pepcid (Famotidine) at night does wonders. It's much cheaper over the counter than omeprazole. They are more like berry tasting chalk, but it calms the acid quickly. My GI doc has me on both!
Wishing you some respite in the coming days. You are always on my mind as I know the struggles you face are much harder than most of us in the US or UK.
Thank you. It's really rough what you're going through and i can relate and I'm so sorry. Missing family but they trigger me. And you're absolutely right about the acid reflux. Famotidine works wonders, just started it and feel better. And probably my doses were too low
now u need to develop some confidence , u keep writing a lot expressing urself to be week , first start feeling strong and write good things about you. bcos this is not helping you at all . start believing in you and write good things about you. incase u do not do this u wont be able to help other. first help yourself so that u can help other.
do not behave like the person who has learned helplessness. start solving your problem by taking decision and believing in your strenght
Your sister needs you. She will always need you. But she’s a pain in the rear right now because she’s a teenager and thinks she knows everything. For her, this kind of behaviour is normal. Everyone else in your family should have outgrown it by now, but they haven’t.
Thank you. I keep crying all the time. I feel feverish. I don't know what everyone in my family is doing. Idk if it's healthy that sis believes in herself so much. Idk if im being manipulated by grandma and mom or are they saying the truth and dad's a jerk and we're dumb with sis to be believing him. They say sis adores him and doesn't let them say anything bad about him, while he made mom drink and she's trying her best while sis just hates on her and praises him and looks tomboy for him and is distant from me.
Your dad didn’t make your mom drink. That was her choice and it’s her responsibility to get the help she needs to stop.
As you know from your studies, children, even adult children, will often work harder to please the parent with whom they feel less safe than the parent on whom they know they can rely. It sounds to me as if your sister is navigating her teen years in a typical fashion. It’s annoying as it can be, but perfectly normal. Your role as older sibling is to set as useful an example as you can, to listen to your sister while mentally rolling your eyes and reminding yourself that she is very young (and you too!) and is trying on different identities and figuring out her own way to find her identity and strategies for coping with family, friends, school, and the world. The most important thing is to let her know that you love her.
You're saving me. The thought of her drinking because of dad, is killing me. She doesn't appear to want to stop or get help, any help not just for her drinking. And it's a relief to hear sis is normal. Tho im not setting a good example for her panicing all the time. I'm really not stable and trying to get better but it's not working. Wish mom and grandma and sis including understood that she's just trying to please him because he feels more unsafe. Really thank you
Your sister will figure it out in her own time. Remember she had something you didn’t: an older sister. I expect your presence gave her a sense of security you never had.
You don’t have to be flawless to set a good example. Look at how your exam success showed your sister how to succeed in the face of great struggles! Now THAT is an excellent example to have out before her.
I agree with everything you said, I just want to add some perspectives, because I see AgainstTheCurrent now take it as a truth (at least, it's written like that, so just to be sure).
It could also be that, seeing she's boyish, she leans more towards him. Children can lean towards the parent they feel most connected to (if the parent is a b*tch or a d*ck towards others or has been in the past, often doesn't matter (that much)). Childeren can also lean towards the parent which gives more freedom, are more carefree or more easygoing.
So it could have all kind of reasons. Only the (@Against_the_current your) sister can tell actually.
So Against_the_current, it seems,to me you find it very difficult your sister is behaving and thinking quite different than you. It would be nice if you could be a pack together, but it happens. You are you, your sister is your sister. You both came out of your parents with a different combination of genes, so you're simply not the same and with some things can even be the opposite. It could be phases of selfidentification and building up own experiences and you reconsiling again in the future. She could also "simply" be she. Dressing different than you, started to like other things. But also when being different, you can still be there for each other, you need a bit more patience for each other. Which is very difficult in your broken family situation, but.. I'm not sure, but could there actually be a patience problem in your whole family? It all sounds so super agitated and not really listening to each other etc.etc. And you also taking that in. Be careful.
Can imagine. When families get to a point like this, it's likely the family is full of it. Some issues and trauma's all out in the open, like ones where half or the whole family is obsessing about it, but more probably behind closed doors, closed feelings maybe even. As in, behind build up walls, because life goes on and everybody "has to behave in certain ways" so everybody has to just take it, because "that's life". Recognise this?
But things are changing generation over generation, things get more psychologically conscious, but not everybody's ready for that. This can clash with culural behaviors also. My guess is you're also a "product" of that. (not literally, but as in "outcome").
Really. My mom was talking something about some girl my age doing natal charts and i told her i have virgo raising which means mother's side generational trauma. And she dismissed. Even tried to say i was birthed in a different hour but still virgo raising. And my sister has leo which means i somehow dodged it for her but still mom doesn't want to talk about it... acknowledge it. It's damn painful
You sound super annoyed, but I want to thank you for sharing what you don't believe in. I'm going to try this parsley tea. Not for my stomach, I read it's also good for respitory issues, which I have, so I'm going to try. You say the pharmacies etc. would go bankrupt if people would know the power of nature. And that's exactly the point. Earning sh*tloads of money out of the inevitable: getting sick and dieing. Funurals cost an insane lot of money. I honestly don't understand, aside from earning money money moneyyyy.
Okey that aside: real life examples of the power of nature: I used to get sick at LEAST 2 times a year, every year. Sick as in high fever, puking etc. Sick sick. I was used to it, until I discovered ginger! Since drinking gingertea (long cooked etc), I have barely ben sick anymore. Together with having an healthier diet, the corona period was the healthiest period of my life. The whole world sick, dying and fighting, my body (absolutely not my mind) thrived. When I feel a bit itchy in my throat and nose, you know, coming up cold, I drink ginger tea and don't get sick. It warms my body in winter and does a lot of healthy internal processes.
The second one is that lately I have hayfever again (something in surrounding changed). So I tried stinging nettle tea. I've already read about it but didn't need to try it anymore before. I've the kind of hayfever which makes me lose my breath and again, it helps surprisingly amazingly! Without it, my lungs "fog" up really quick, but with the tea I'm okey.
I'll continue later, need to do something now. People around you are annoying, but some mean the best is the message for now.
The thing is that all of that is caused by anxiety and i was trying to say i have anxiety but i couldn't. Parsley won't change the fact that grandma said mom's drinking because dad left and my sister is brainwashed by him and im crying my eyes out. I don't even know if it's true but it's terrific. My family is such a mess. Also during covid we wore masks and desinfected everything so catching usual viruses was hard
Part 2 now, I got overloaded yesterday, so it took a while. I really had to stop writing, because I needed to do something, I actually wanted to write more.
Well, you sounded annoyed that your Grandma gave that idea, so that's why responded like this. Herbs can be extremely helpful and with that part, your Grandma did her best to help you. But when you're angry or annoyed or have grown up not believing in the power of herbs, then one dismisses such things easlily. So that's why I wanted to point it out. Your grandma said that, indeed because you didn't dare to tell her the truth, so it's not her fault she said something unhelpful. On the other hand: Super annoying she keeps pushing with "slipping in between things" like that to lose wait. I can imagine you losing your temper.
And yeah, overall like other's also already said, sounds like toxic environment= a lot of issues in your family. But not all is bad, but it's difficilt when it's mixed with the residue of difficult and/or traumatic experiences.
You know the saying: "a better world begins with yourself"? Why not, maybe in private conversation, try to start to be honest with certain familymembers yourself? You could've spared yourself (and others probably) extra frustration by being honest about your anxiety. Although I can imagine it's difficult for you to be honest about. So that's why I'm saying private with your grandma for example. It sounded like you did want to tell her actually.
Or your sister saying: "so you're not crazy because you know you're crazy". Of course I don't know the intonation, but the direct answer would be like: "Indeed, you don't need to be crazy to need such psychological help".
I know it's easier sad than done, but try to think about it. Work towards it. Unload yourself of at least some of the frustrations you have on which you can have an influence on yourself.
Maybe start with one person in your family. Perhaps your sister. If you can talk calmly with her as two adults (and she is nearly one) and explain that you want her to understand you AND that you want to understand her, too, and can really listen to what she says, that might be a start. It might take more than one attempt for her to believe you mean what you say and you'd have to keep your cool even if she rejects you. She'll test your limits because that's what teenagers do. If you can prove to her that you want to talk quietly and seriously with her and to listen to whatever she wants to share, it would be beneficial for both of you. I would avoid blaming your parents because it won't help to put her in the middle of those issues, but you could explain that you have x, y, and z problems, that you are trying to get them ameliorated, but that it's going to take time. She might have some things to say that will be painful, but take time to think through what she has to say before you react. You can. tell her something like, "Wow. Thanks for trusting me with what you just said. I'm going to think about it for a few hours/over night, then I'd to continue this conversation. Will that be all right?"
Does that sound like an approach you might be willing to try?
You can better ask than assume in my opinion, so that's okey. Hopefully last days have been a bit better?
I indeed meant to tell them or starting with one, what's going on. Although not everyone might understand it, so try first with someone who you think might. Like your grandma. You said you wanted tell her you had problems sleeping because of anxieties, but didn't dare, because your mom was there. So this gives me the impression you'd actually like to talk more with your grandma.
But because you gave an excuse, your granda gave unhelpful tips and you got more frustrated. If you're able to talk for real with your grandma, she might be able to be better there for you. Do you understand a bit where I'm going now?
You can try to do this bit by bit. SoporRose gave tips concerning your sister. So hopefully you'll be able to open yourself up gradually. It's wonderful if you look at someone and they look back and "click" they immediately understand you. But more often we need to explain ourselves to each other to reach understanding from both sides.
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