I just have anxiety and anxiety attacks all the time and i don't even know why, i have acid reflux even though i was on Omeprazol for a few days, i need reassurance and people get annoyed at the stupid things i ask for reassurance over. Sis is ignoring me and thinking im crazy. Grandma is annoying me and im annoying her and mom. Yesterday arrived at Grandma's house with mom and sis, tommorow morning mom and sis will leave. I was anxious even when i was alone in my accommodation and unable to sleep at night because of anxiety and acids. My other grandma called me and asked me how i am but mom was in the same room when i said i struggle at night so i said i struggle at night because of my acids (instead of saying im anxious). Grandma told me to drink parsley tea...like seriously? And it's not some grandparents wisdom...she just saw it online. And said i would lose weight...like okay, I'm suffering so let's casually bodyshame me. Since i was a little she has been telling me to eat idk what to lose weight and this resulted in me doing the exactly opposite. I'm trying to survive, it's normal for my body to be in fight or flight and gaining or losing weight is the last thing i think about when i can't even breathe. I want to scream. My uncle has a dog with ptsd. The dog bites everyone. But when i have ptsd, I'm not allowed to even yell at both my grandmothers' bs? Like c'mon I'm not even biting anyone...
Like oh my, medicine didn't help my anxiety and acids but the parsley will. If more people knew, pharmacies would bankrupt. My psychiatrist has a professor degree in medicine but i guess grandma knows better. I have a bachelor degree in psychology but i freeze and can't explain to sis I'm not crazy. It broke my heart. She said "why are you going to the sanatorium? For crazyness?" And i said"crazy" ppl are not self-aware of their problems. So she just said "So you're not crazy because you know you're crazy". Like how to explain to her that I'm traumatazed from our parents without hurting her and the rest of the fam around. I eat bullets for her. But she just ignores me and thinks I'm crazy and annoying. She doesn't want to play with me, dresses masculine. And my anxiety starts telling me all kinds of terrible things about her. (So please don't suggest she's traumatized or outgrown me because those are my top 3 worst assumptions alongside with "i ran away and now she doesn't need me/want to re-establish our connection" and "she's looking like our stepmother too much even though mom makes efforts to care about her and she still thinks of mom as annoying too"). And mom's struggling too so i understand how hard it must be to take care of hr...or im getting under her influence?... What the hell is real? I locked myself in the bathroom to cool down and reach out because I'm really going insane. And the heat here doesn't help