Overwhelmed and irritated all the time

[Against_the_current]

I went to my first day of graduation practice. Here in the last year of uni, you have to have something like an internship. It was great but i can't hold myself still. Im over excited. I want to talk all the time. Wondering if i have adhd or some neurodivergence. Worried if i have it. If i have it, in my country, at my age and with my gender, it's a death sentence. I won't get diagnosed. And probably won't be given meds because they consider them drugs. Dad even said these meds are straight up drugs and mom calls me a drug addict for taking anxiety meds what comes to adhd ones. Also idk if my body can take anymore. I as a whole can't take any more. "Why don't you go to therapy? Why don't you take meds?". I have two therapists and im tired of them. And I feel like not accepting my proffesor's offer because im sick of therapy, honestly. If i have three therapists and still make no progress, i must be Freddie Kruger. Im just having depression, anxiety and ptsd, im not out there killing people, and yet im hopeless. So to the point, i got distracted, the point is exactly that. Im distracted and irritated which makes me overwhelmed. I was at that first day, it was really nice but then some of the girls decided to go out to drink coffee after it ended so we could discuss it. I got so damn overwhelmed. And hopeless. The internship is at a school and they said they got nostalgic. I realised my best years slid by me and all i did was suffer. My best years are gone. Mental illness, my family and covid took them away. And these girls have jobs. I can't even stay at a coffee for half an hour without existential dread. While i study dad's paying for me. And things here got really expensive. And as if it's not enough i got a shopping addiction. So when i graduate and dad stops paying for me, what will i do? Be homeless? Die on the streets? No job wants me. I have no work experience. I haven't worked. I can't even stay still. How can i find a job when i get overwhelmed from being outside home for two hours? And when im constantly panicing, overwhelmed, depressed or irritated? Really i feel like im so done with everyone and everything. I want to scream. My friend asked for help with her dog and i want to yell at her and her mom for treating the dog so poorly, having the nerve to ask me for advice and refuse to listen to it and for treating me so poorly. Everyone in this country is stupid. Idk if im mentally ill as hell or everyone is just stupid

My only chance is studying masters. But idk what masters. And it will postpone being homeless by two years max. I will have psychology bachelor and i can't stand people. Im an idiot.

P.S. my mom hated her job because she was overwhelmed and irritated all the time. And dad says everyone's dumb

[Lazy_dog_lover]

I think it is normal to feel such anxiety in your last year at uni. It is a big step.

Be very careful how many times you say “I am” and then a negative statement. You are convincing yourself that they are truth and unable to be changed, a self-fulfilling prophecy. Look into mindfulness.

Unless you have applied at every job, you can’t say that none would want you.

If you are tired of your therapists, don’t just add a third, but drop the first two. Look for a different style of therapy.

Do you meditate? Try a guided meditation, first. Do you recognize and acknowledge things that you are grateful for? Start and end your day by speaking about them in your personal time.

As you transition out to the working world, it is really important to track your triggers and track how you respond to different strategies. Once you find yourself moving towards a thought or behavior that you don’t want, implement a plan that will replace that behavior. Recognizing what is happening is step 1.

[Against_the_current in reply to Lazy_dog_lover]

Thanks. These are really good advice. I find myself only being able to meditate. Other stuff like reading or other hobbies doesn't work anymore. I just need to calm down. And yeah i have brought myself really down.

[Lazy_dog_lover in reply to Against_the_current]

Is there anything you do that you are just "in the zone"? That counts as a meditative state, also. Replace thoughts with what you want, consciously.

[Against_the_current in reply to Lazy_dog_lover]

When im pressed to and have no choice

[Lazy_dog_lover in reply to Against_the_current]

I am not sure I understand your response.

If you read, stare out the window, walk, exercise, play a logic game...any time you just get involved with an activity that it tunes out other things can count as meditative.

It is important to find a little bit of time each day to do this. As we approach the end of the school year, things will get chaotic. Expect it. When you expect it, you can face it with knowledge and have a plan for it.

[SoporRose]

Dear AtC,

I am getting increasingly worried about you. I hope you can make it to graduation. I think you can. Do whatever you need to do to hang in there and get your degree.

But I think you're right that becoming a therapist might not be the right path for you, at least not until you get well yourself. But there are other things you can do with a degree in psychology. Here's an article that lists a whole lot of options of careers for people with a B.A. in psych:

apa.org/ed/precollege/psn/2...

But after reading your earlier post about the dog, I don't know why you aren't looking to be a veterinarian or vet tech. It sounds like you really know a lot already from being around your dad and translating for him. Your psych degree will be useful in dealing with the pet owners and you could also use it to do marketing for the practice. You have experience doing research, too.

You do have job experience translating for your dad. You can get experience by volunteering, too, though it doesn't pay. But volunteering will get you recommendations, too.

I still think you should talk to your professor about getting help and see what she has to offer. She might be aware of resources your other therapists haven't offered to you. But I also think you're right that you should choose one therapist so you can focus on one set of advice and not enervate yourself running from one appointment to another.

You're smart as a whip; don't let your intelligence go to waste.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Thanks. You're right to worry and I really really wish my therapists and family realised that. Im going progressively worse. I slept all day because I don't want to do anything. I don't want to read or study because i understand nothing, i no longer have netflix, i don't want to play videogames because i met someone there that has me confused. I just cover up where im safe.I think i will graduate because it's easy. Four years ago when i chose this ba and this uni i was at a really dark place mentally and i knew what i was doing. But i didn't know covid and the baby would happen and tear me down. Im really sad that all my intelligence is wasted. Gifted kid to now work as teacher's advisor at best. Mom wanted me to be a vet because im like a Disney Princess with animals but dad said no. Dad said i wouldn't last a day and it's a terrible job where you're covered in blood and sh't all day and i don't have the guts. Also it requires studying not sleeping all day. The thing that actually made me choose to study this over veterinary medicine was the fact that i wanted to get out of home. If i signed veterinary medicine, i would live at home because the university is in the same city, basically one bus stop from mom's flat, and dad is there and would keep an eye on me all the time. Or just embarass me. Yes, embarrass me. He thinks he's a 20 years old. And moreover stepmother studies there too. I would shoot myself if i be there, trying to make a friend and she says "oh, is your dad hitting on me or just being dumb" and i would be like " i don't know and i don't want to know". Or i would like to go out for student's day and mom would be there like "aww, you're dressed as ho". And i don't need to say i have no friends in my homecity

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

Could you be a veterinary tech instead of starting as a full-on doctor? Are there part-time vocational programs that would help you get the skills to work with a vet (NOT your dad) to find out if it's your calling?

[lmjt]

Hello...Against the Current. I want to offer some suggestions - I had worked in the field (MH/SUD) for 30 years. My first concern is your comment regarding having two therapists. I assume that both are aware that they are both seeing you - it is fully clinically contraindicative for two therapists to see the same person. Psychology is still somewhat of a subjective science - you have two people sending their personal/professional opinions; yet, there is a high (P) that you are getting divergent and maybe even conflicting information in the context of two therapists. If you do not like either - send them on their way. Further, please keep in mind that neurodivergent is a slang term - we are all divergent in some way. All this means really is that you are unique and in all (P) highly intelligent. Unless there is a condition that approximates an SPMI re: this, medication is not necessary; you don't want to sedate your brilliance and incredible potential. However, should meds. be a consideration, if you are your own guardian, your parents and any one else (except your tx. team) needs not be informed on this. I wish you the best. Your amazing. Your beautiful. Your brilliant. Your going to do amazing things in this life!

[Against_the_current in reply to lmjt]

Thanks. Yeah, i think i will send at least one of them on a hiatus because im overwhelmed. I really struggle with those racing thoughts and thought dovi have adhd or just ideas and was left there agonizing

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

Good call!

[SoporRose in reply to lmjt]

lmjt,

Your advice and insights seem spot on. You articulated the issues and solutions clearly and in a straightforward fashion that I envy. Wow.

[lmjt]

Hello, Against_the_current

I struggle with anxiety and severe depressive disorder. One thing I try to keep in mind is that I need to ground myself. During the cold weather this week I rarely left the house. Once I did, I did feel better.

We have to learn to use more mindfulness techniques - breath, breath, breath. Do a body scan...plant your feet on the ground outside. I believe mother earth's energy fill our body when we connect with 'her' - I wish you the best!!!