extreme anxiety and depression due to divorce

[Johncasaras]

If there's anybody out there that's presently go trough this and also post divorce would be appreciated.I have confusion constantly.My partner suffers from ptsd and pseudodentia and it's been a nightmare since recent diagnosis.At this point im looking to talk or help

[dmholland630]

So it’s your partner that’s going through this? I’m going to give you the best piece of advice I can as someone who has suffered the trauma of a divorce that caused PTSD, GAD and so much more. Just back the heck off of her and let her give you the cues for what she needs when. It is going to take her time to heal and you don’t want to be ripping any scabs off any wounds. So just take it easy and let her lead the way. You’ll be so glad you did in the end.

[Johncasaras in reply to dmholland630]

wait she has ptsd and bipolar allready not me!Im trying to keep my head clear!!

[Hidden]

First let me start by saying that I understand fully the toll your divorce is taking on everyone in your home. I was married 30 years and as of last month I've been divorced 3 years. My adult Son (age 27) hasn't spoken to me since. I've struggled with depression for most of my life but, like many of us, didn't get an official diagnosis until I was older. In my case, my mental health issues was largely to blame for the loss of my wife and son. They arrived at their breaking point, of course I don't blame them one bit for hauling-ass. Unfortunately my depression, since my divorce, has become unmanageable and I've developed a severe sleep issue that deals with nightmares. I was always told (by folks who were divorced) that I would learn a lot about myself during and after the divorce process. Man, where they right. I was hoping for a "clean-cut" divorce but my issue turned into an all-out battle making monsters out of us all. Attorneys being the biggest monsters, mine included. And of course all this drama during the beginning of what would turn out to be a Global Pandemic. Had my psych doctor survived his battle with Covid, I believe he would have diagnosed me with PTSD after all that crap. I'm sorry my friend that these aren't words of encouragement and I truly hope that your divorce travels through a smoother road than the rock crawling terrain mine took. But I believe you're doing the right thing in trying to talk about it, even if on some support site. Because the biggest mistake I've made since my divorce is to shut myself down to the point that I've become unrecognizable to my own neighbors. Maybe out of shame, embarrassment, fear or not wanting to accept it. It's only now that I've decided to start to face this life altering event. So as far as I'm concerned you've already started your healing process while others, like me, have only just begun. Good luck to you, your 10 year old and your wife. And of course, I'm always available for a chat

[Johncasaras in reply to Hidden]

Hey im sorry for your 30 years I can only imagine the pain that is because of memories and that everyday life you had.My parents divorced amicably after 36 years.In my case if someone (my wife)changed her mind It's hard to accept only problem is I have to live in this house with her until things are sorted out.My wife diagnosed with bipolar and PTSD allready because of bad things with her father makes it all worse.Im not perfect but I did my duty as a businesss owner and allowed her to stay home with my son but she want rd him home schooled and im against it.My question is to you is how much did you take during it.I find I want to walk everyday.The change in character is too much like a 180 with reasons but I don't want to fall into this trap which im in,I want out and move on.Did u think that way also or it was just a shock favor?Its not a good place to be in but I'll go down with everything to make sure my son is good.

[Hidden in reply to Johncasaras]

Hello, shock was definitely a huge factor for me because I didn't ask for this and unfortunately my divorce very quickly turned into a battle of the bulls rather than taking a more peaceful route. I had to find a place to stay, embarrassingly ended up in a homeless shelter until I could get myself sorted which added greatly to the shock of it all. Thankfully our son was already an adult and living on his own but I would have done as you stated.... "go down with everything to make sure my son is good" if he was a young child. She was able to stay in our home during the divorce process but I ultimately ended up back home and she moved out. You mentioned the change in character and I absolutely agree with you. Divorce tends to bring out characters neither one of you knew existed. I'm ashamed to admit that I became someone I never want to be again.... we both did. Of course not all divorces are ugly but some are. It's worse when you throw mental health issues in the mix. In my case I'm the person with depression, Bipolar 2 (without Mania) so it made it much harder on me. I can't imagine how hard it is on you, your little one and your wife since you must still live together while this mess brews on. Like I mentioned in my earlier response, my greatest mistake was not seeking counseling, therapy or talking about how I was feeling during the process (Pandemic was no help) of going through this traumatic experience. I have a long time neighbor currently divorcing and it seems to be a breeze for him and his wife, so far. Night and day, you just never know

[Raggedy-Ann]

Hey, I've been through a painful divorce. My regrets are that we didn't fight to save the marriage. We barely fought with each other. We went through a very traumatic event together. Had we been open to what was happening, open to saying the things we didn't want say, honest. I would have felt better. I divorced the love of my life. We didn't want to hurt each other anymore. Biggest mistake of my life. I don't know if that was helpful. My advice is to be kind to each other especially since you share a child.

[Hidden in reply to Raggedy-Ann]

I just have to comment on something you said..... "My regrets are that we didn't fight to save the marriage" ..... that comment brought tears to my eyes because I often ask myself the same thing...."We fought like animals to tare each other apart during the divorce, but we never fought to try and save it"

[Raggedy-Ann]

I try to let go of the bad, remember the good and move on, we had a lot of good and for that I am thankful. sweet dreams