I am at my wits end with my life. I went from a wonderful, perfect marriage and the perfect life to living back with my mother, jobless and still suffering verbal abuse from the bastard I had an affair with. In addition to this, I suffer from anxiety regarding fear of death and natural disasters. So I’m kinda a mess. I used to have all my ducks in a row, financially independent and well off, very caring of others and myself but am now this selfish, lazy, no body.
I’ll tell u what, I don’t currently have health insurance because I don’t currently have a job (and here’s the kicker- I’m over qualified for California care because I’m still legally married) so that’s just swell. And do u have ANY idea how hard it is to seek mental or physical help without insurance?!.. well needless to say this is why I have ended up using an app on my cell phone for some type of support / venting system.
Ultimately I just want to rewind time, and make my life Normal again but it can’t seem to kick this addiction I have to the man that I had an affair with. He has taken over my self esteem, confidence, and self worth. I left my husband for this once kind and loving piece of shit.
I’m just feeling hopeless. My family keeps asking where the old amanda go?.. and I just cry and throw up my arms and tell them I don’t know.
I’ll be 30 years old in July and I have NOTHING to show for it.
I am feeling like the biggest failure to ever walk this planet.
Lonely Cali girl trying to find her way.