Depression from Divorce

[GoodDadBadHusband]

Hey everyone- I'm going through the final stages of my divorce and also the worse depression I have ever experienced. I never knew how disabling this could be and how dead and hollow I would feel inside. Bottom line is I made poor choices in my marriage that led to a split after almost 11 years. Just recently I found out that my ex-wife is and has been dating, of which a few she has become lightly intimate with. This destroyed me as in the back of my mind I always thought there was a chance. In fact, we were still somewhat sexually active until the last couple of weeks, which caused that tiny flame of hope to keep burning....

I have to face the reality that it is truly over and I need to accept what is happening. She would not be doing these things unless I had failed at being a good husband, so this is what I get right? I just need to suck it up, be a man, and get on with my life? The more I think about it, the deeper I feel myself going into the dark abyss of depression. Any feedback or help is appreciated at this point. I simply don't have many people that I can openly talk to about this.

[OR4377]

Divorce is downright hard! Whether the relationship was “good” or “bad”- it’s still a loss. Divorce is akin to the death of a loved one. I wasn’t aware of how much grief I carried concerning my divorce. I got this revelation last fall...I have been divorced for 12 years...

You have hope... you being aware that some of choices may have contributed to the outcome of things. That awareness means there is room for growth. Continue to find some measure of support here on the forum. Sending pristine thoughts your way🌻

[GoodDadBadHusband in reply to OR4377]

Thank you for the kind words and I will definitely lean on everyone here through this process. I am going to try and grow and become stronger after all this is done, but I can tell it is going to take everything I have to get there.

[Scrabble65]

This too will pass. You will have to endure for awhile though. I can't relate to still being intimate...once we split, we were done. So don't ever go back to that, it will only mess with your head, as it seems to already. Too bad she could do that, that's actually more disappointing to me being that she's the woman. Unless you guys were drinking too much? Been there!

[GoodDadBadHusband in reply to Scrabble65]

We never had an issue in the bedroom and were always very connected in that part of our relationship. I think it has been very difficult for us both to not have that anymore so we have continued to "help each other out" until recently. She finally said we have to stop as it is creating confusion for me. It kind of hit the fan when I started asking about her new relationships and prying for details about whether they have kissed or more.... She refused to share that with me even though I was begging her to just hit me with it!

Luckily, drinking was not a contributor to any of this. However, I have been struggling with drinking too much on my end, especially when I'm alone with my thoughts in my tiny, empty apartment....

[Scrabble65 in reply to GoodDadBadHusband]

Sorry must be tough. Every time I ask myself how I ever married my ex, I remember I went out and got drunk a lot at the time.

[GoodDadBadHusband in reply to Scrabble65]

Drinking can be a great way to meet new people and open up....but it can also lead to many mistakes!!

[Hidden]

It’s a really hard thing to have to let go of someone you love. You don’t have “to suck it up”. It hurts like hell! Sucking it up is what keeps the depression going. If you need therapy to find your footing again then do that. Do what is going to give you a good start on a new life!

[GoodDadBadHusband in reply to Hidden]

I really could use as much help as I can, which is why I shared on here. Do you know of any other online resources that is helpful with divorce/depression/etc?

[Hidden in reply to GoodDadBadHusband]

There are online A.A. meetings. You may not be an alcoholic but their open meetings welcome anyone struggling. The 12 steps are a great way to live a healthy life!

[kolibri]

Hi there. I might not be able to help too much because I haven’t gone through that... yet. But I do suffer bad anxiety and I can at least be an ear for you. If you need. I’m curious if you would like to share why you call yourself good dad bad husband?! Seems you understand and accept well your responsibility on the situation. I believe I’m something similar right know but the opposite way. My husband in your place. Sorry I don’t mean to offend you or make you uncomfortable... my best wishes and please don’t give up to get help. If you have children they need you.

[GoodDadBadHusband in reply to kolibri]

Sorry for late reply and thanks for offering to listen to my issues...I will probably take you up on that! I call myself good dad bad husband because I take pride in being a good dad to my kids, but unfortunately I didn't do as well being a husband. I didn't realize what I had until it was too late, and I put too much focus on myself and my needs in that department while I was married. I'm doing a little better these days and focusing on my kids when I have them and doing things I enjoy when I don't. My ex has noticed a difference and my kids seem happier too.

[HellotoYou]

I’m going through a divorce too. Anxiety and depression. Hope you find something to help you...

[GoodDadBadHusband in reply to HellotoYou]

Thanks for replying, I've been doing a little better recently. Focus on my kids and old hobbies I used to enjoy have been a huge help. Also been adding a little religion back to my life which has given a little boost as well. How long since your divorce? What's the main thing you are upset about right now?