Extreme Anxiety and loneliness

[Ice-9]

I visited family for turkey yesterday, it was ok but I was dealing with anxiety the entire time. Today I am back to being alone, if I am not at work or at an occasional family event I am alone, which is probably 70% of my life. my anxiety makes going out difficult to do, even makes reaching out to friends and family nigh impossible. I just wish I wasn't so alone. I don't know what to do about it. I am 36 years old and this has been the state of my life for 20 years now.

[Jason337]

I'm in the same boat. Forced myself to get together with family yesterday which was a monumental effort for me to get out of the house. Now the rest of the weekend I'll be by myself until work on Monday. The loneliness sucks but then when I do have plans with friends I worry about it to the point where I need to cancel or just get so anxious before I leave the house that I need tons of willpower to push through it. Other than work, I see family once a week but am alone the rest of the time. I guess I don't have any good advice for you since I'm in the same situation, but wanted to say you're not the only one, there are others struggling with this.

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell in reply to Jason337]

I’m right there with you. My family knows they can’t rely on me not to cancel. I’m the cancel queen. Unless it’s an emergency. I’ve gottten used to it. It doesn’t make it any less lonely. You just get used to it I guess. Being home with my Tater Tot is my safe empty tomb. But I have my Tater Tot and that’s a blessing!

[Windy101 in reply to Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

I'm your rival for the cancel queen. I think I've cancelled at least 20 dates. It makes my girlfriend so mad that she yells at me, "Don't cancel this time!"

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell in reply to Windy101]

Be grateful you have friends I’m usually canceling doctors appointments and things of that nature I don’t really have much else to do

[Windy101 in reply to Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

Oh, believe me, I'm grateful. I wouldn't have survived without them. They're all long distance except for one new friend, but our phone calls mean the world to me and are lots of fun.

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

I feel the same way. Only I have a spouse. He’s an alcoholic and if he comes home he’s very intoxicated. My best friend is my dog!!! Energy is contagious. When I sit here at night while everyone is asleep with my dog on my lap sleeping I feed off there calmness. I sleep while he’s gone so we don’t fight. We are room mates at best. My dog however loves me unconditionally. She is always so happy to see me and excited when I come home. Sometimes she gets so excited especially when I give her a treat that her excitement is contagious. She makes me so happy. Then when she is asleep in my lap I feel so much calmer and so loved always. It is a commitment and an expense but one I would take on without a doubt. Without my girl Tater Tot I would go crazy for sure! Well worse than I am! We do everything together. If you have them certified as therapy dogs you can take them everywhere you go. I’m very lonely for people! I am but not nearly as much as I would be without my girl! I treat her like a person. I talk to her. Care for her. Take walks with her. Everything. I am a better person because of her. Plus she won’t treat me like crap, use me, put me down nothing! Just unconditional love! I do know how you feel. Otherwise I’ve got no one. I’m alone so much. It’s awful. My best friend is perfect though!

[lovescavs in reply to Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

I am desperate to have a dog but I am working very long hours and I feel it is unfair for a dog to be left alone 6 days a week, which is how many days I work. Hopefully, that will change soon. Do you think it is unfair to get a dog when I would have to leave it alone for so long? I live alone. My husband is divorcing me. He is also an alcoholic. Our relationship was similar to the one you describe with your husband

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell in reply to lovescavs]

I think dogs need more attention than than you could give. You could train a small dog to use a pad. You would have to do the research to find a calm dog that does have as much anxiety. If you could get a dog walker mid day to come you could if your hours are only 8 hours a day. Perhaps a cat would suit your needs better. To pet them and hear them purr can be very comforting. They also don’t mind being alone. As long as their litter is changed every day. Research dogs that would meet your criteria. Some dogs are just plain anxious. You could even talk to your local animal shelter. If you have a yard you could let them stay in a pen outside to play and be able too potty until you get home weather permitting.

[Ice-9 in reply to Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

My niece works out of her house as a speech language pathologist and visits a few times a day to provide my dog with company and to walk him now. This helps me tremendously as a single person, I can even tell it has helped my dogs attitude and behavior!

[Windy101]

Loneliness is probably one of the most difficult things most of us deal with. I think about it a lot.

It's not just loneliness for company, it's loneliness for heart to heart understanding and acceptance of one another. That is so hard to achieve with other people unless there is something that gives us a common bond, like an unusual shared experience.

We certainly have that bond here. Some people post regularly, some seem to come and go, but despite the differences is our lifestyles, education, financial circumstances, family situations, etc., most of us share that sense of loneliness.

Here we can find relief from that, because we share that common bond. You just have to remind yourself that the words on the screen were written by real people, people who have suffered feelings they cannot control which leads to behaviors that are difficult to explain to others.

But we get it, perfectly.

I keep coming back here because it helps the deep loneliness I often feel. It's natural to crave human understanding and intimacy that comes from truly understanding how a person feels and not judging them.

No one here will think you're strange. We all have our battles. I'm glad that you're here and hope that, like me, it helps you feel less lonely.

[MomBoss in reply to Windy101]

Do u think everyone in life is lonely? Even when others seem to have it going on with friends and family, do u think that’s all not what it seems to be?

[Windy101 in reply to MomBoss]

I think there are a lot of lonely people out there. Some are faking that they're happy and not longely. But not everyone. What we crave is connection, someone who gets us and loves us for who we really are, faults and good qualities alike. To have a few people like that is a blessing. I think it's possible to find those people. For me, my closest friend is also someone who has struggled with depression, divorce, her family ... we understand each other very well, even though as with any friendship, it has its ups and downs.

My other great friend I've known since high school. Forty years. We knew each other as teenagers, had outrageous adventures, went through adult life together, and are still in touch. Her life is very different from mine, but we love each other like sisters because of our long history. She is also a very good person and someone I respect.

I also think some people are a bit shallow. Their feelings don't go very deep; they focus on material things and status and keeping busy, and don't think too hard about anything. If people have problems, they thnk it's their own fault. They want to look like an ad on TV and don't take it much farther than that. Those are people I stay far away from. For them, I don't know what friendship is about, and I don't care.

You can find friends in real life, and you already have them here. A depression support group might be a good place to start.

[MomBoss]

I am lonely , I spend a lot of time alone and I prefer it that way but I also crave companionship , I am married but it’s like two ships passing in the nite. I can’t take it anymore and don’t know what to do. I feel like on the inside I’m dying but as usual on the outside I put on my pretend smiling face to the world.

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell in reply to MomBoss]

That’s me 100%. I don’t think anyone truly likes being lonely but you get used to being alone and that’s easier. I have a spouse but we are roomies at Best. My Best and only true friend is my dog Tater Tot. It’s easier that way. She loves me unconditionally and instead of getting mad when I’m having a bad day and being mean to me she snuggles me more.

[Ice-9]

I av read all of your replies, thank you for your words of support. I was in a real dark place when i wrote this, I am a loner by nature with a 17 year old dog as my best frind, had hin=m since he was 8 weeks old and he helps.

I understand the queen of cancelling, I myself cancelled a family event just today, guess I could be labeled king of cancelling.

The support helps a ton, I realize there are lots of people with the same issues I have in my life. I believe everyone inherently has bouts of loneliness, but not the all encompassing everlasting form that I am sure many of us deal with.

Just a bit about me, somehow with my anxiety issues I managed to be graduate college with top honor (suma cum laude) and I have also attained my masters degree in medicinal chemistry, I was I was about a year and half out of my Ph. D. when quit due to anxiety and extreme stress. I have a reasonable life, and for the most part I handle my loneliness well. I have been told I have walking depression, not sure if that is true or not as I am too anxious to go to a doctor unless i'm dying.

[Windy101 in reply to Ice-9]

Congratulations on all those degrees! I have some, but not in subjects as tough as those. I'm in school now. Seems like your doctor ought to be able to prescribe somethng that will make that anxiety more manageable. Have you asked?

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell in reply to Ice-9]

What kind of dog do you have? My best friend is a 14 year old dachshund named Tater Tot.

[lovescavs]

I know how you feel. I am in a similar boat. It is very lonely to want to connect with people but feels so nervous to do so.