I have a 12 year old son and a very troubled marriage. I feel completely alone. She's emotionally unavailable, goes away for 4 days, doesn't say she misses me once (eventhough I did). I get no affection.
She's had enough being my caregiver and until recently didn't think I took enough responsibility to fight my disease and take her for granted (on this one point shes right). I want desperately to fix things with my wife (couples therapy a given) and I want to watch my son grow up. Killing myself would kill him, ruin his life I know.
I know some people here are in the same place I am but it's not the same. An anonymous message board does not make up for not getting the support you need from your spouse at home. I am in so much pain, dark, depressive, emotional pain that I feel suicide is the only way out. But I don't really want to because of my family, heartbreaking as it is. That's what makes it so hard, knowing I'm stuck with this unbearable pain making me even more depressed and spiral into a black hole i cant get out of. I've tried everything from the hospital to ECT, TMS, CBT, DBT, group therapy. Tried 20 meds or so. I even see a therapist twice a week and a psychiatrist once a week. What else am I supposed to do? I need help!! But what kind of help is there im not already getting?
I suppose I'm reaching out here because if I'm typing I'm not ending my life.
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Joshgw
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Joshgw you said you would do couples counseling I would start there if you are already doing things and counseling for yourself maybe then she will realize how much she means to you. I can’t imagine having my other half not supportive durning a depression episode I’m sorry just remember not that this is an accuse for her but if people haven’t experienced this they just can’t relate . I hope that helps at least a start maybe get that appt all set up and in place so she doesn’t have to do anything but go would be my suggestion. I sure hope things get better ❤️🩹 and know you have lots of support here and even though suicidal thoughts go through your mind it’s not the answer or solution .sending hugs and love and healing your way ! Message me if you would like to talk I’m always here most of the time .
I know Sue. Thank you for both your posts. I'm just in so much pain, separate from my marriage. She's been unhappy for a long time. For years I never did anything about my depression. I let it define me. My attitude was "I have depression, not my fault, didn't choose it, just deal with it". She begged me to get new doctors/meds when they weren't helping. And begged when I would just sit on the couch instead of doing simple things like the dishes watching her do it and she works a lot. She's not wrong. I didn't take responsibility for myself or even fighting my disease. It took me until I just left the hospital that I realized her pain. But I think it's too little too late. She says she's dead inside and has nothing left to give and I'm on my own. Total caretaker fatigue. She is in therapy for herself too.
But I can't live like this anymore. My marriage issues just compounds my suicidal ideation. I can't go on like this, can't kill myself. Can't find a treatment I haven't already tried. Even Already did hospitalization. What do I do?
I will definitely message you. I could definitely use a friend. I have one or two friends I can call who understand at least.
Do you ever feel you might be better off alone? I do very badly, alone. But when my ex comes to visit and is stridently unempathetic when I’m doing badly, I ask him (without being angry) to go home. As awful as being alone is, it’s not as bad as wanting support and not getting it.
I can't be alone. I'd feel so much worse. That's why I went back to work after the hospital (and I needed to get paid). How I make it each day, I have no idea. But I know I need the structure, eventhough I don't have much to do. I manage to get dressed, leave the house. Lying in a fetal position crying all day will not solve anything, I need to be able to move forward. But I'm so damn suicidal and it's hurts so much I have no idea how to make it stop. I really don't want to be dead but I don't know what else to do.
Oh yes life hell living with chronic pain and head problems from fibromyalgia and whatever else that was missed I feel. I have been in your place and it is devastating. Med's just worsened my depression and increased head pressure. So I do natural. Sure I have not found alot of help but heat pad, ice pad, pain gel. I have been off for long time but starting up again for depression. I blend 1 stick off celery bunch to start and blend with cup of water and blend well and drink in morning 45 min before eating or drinking anything else. You can have little bit of water if needed because you hate the taste maybe lol I like the taste now. It did help my depression big time and need to start up again. It's hard on our family members for sure because they do not feel what we are feeling and going though, how could they we don't understand really ourselves. Yes they avoid you when you need them the most. But they just as afraid as you are not knowing what to say to hurt our feelings etc. I have learned to not complain at all about myself and do best I can because I have told everyone for years no more saying anything unless asked. I started showing myself more affection to my man who has no pain, he use to be harsh not believe me and blaming all on me for everything behind on etc. Until he heard from guy at work who wife has it. He believes me now after over 12 yrs but I show him with hugs and thank him for all he does do for me. Sure not house work, oh I could only wish lol but so much people take for granted like he will cook for me when I can not. He takes me for gravel road trips I love to get me out, he goes to the store he lets me hold his arm when out because balance is off. He will get my favorite fruit or yes candy out of the blue. So still show her how much you appreciate her. I found I can not give up on anyone to destroy them from suicide. How would it make me feel if they did. Oh my I have been there too with my son and it's scary and heart breaking thinking about it. So I stopped feeling sorry for me and started just do little steps daily and be proud of you just got out of bed. Then step it up to staying up all day. I love looking at nature it just turns my thinking around how beautiful it is and I'm part of it. How a amazing. One day at a time not tomorrow till it comes. Focus on the moments of what you can handle and make sure when it's hard you never give up on you. I do wish you the best and it's heartbreaking for sure. Many Prayers!
Hello. Don’t give up. Distract your mind from these terrible thoughts.
Also check all your meds, alot cause depression more yes with suicidal thoughts.
Hi. I am very sorry to hear of your troubles. You sound so much like my depressed, anti-social brother. He and his long-term spouse pretty much cohabitate, but he says there is zero affection, and he doesn't feel loved. It just all changed, and he asked me for help. I intervened and wrote to her. He was grateful to me, but she flipped out, knowing he had been leaning on, and confiding in me for support. Her anger was really "guilt", but it was too late for her to "change".
People are who they are. You can't change someone else. You can try to "teach" or educate/enlighten them, but some people are too dense or unwilling to understand or support. You can't snap your fingers and be "all better".
So, since you have "Hope", because you're still with us, what might your options be? Separate for a while as you go through couples therapy, and see if she comes around? Stay forever in a loveless marriage, when there just could be someone out there who will understand and love you?
My parents stayed together "for the sake of the children", and this was SO much harder on us than it would have been if they had just split up. Kids know, hear, see, and feel things that their parents don't always know or think about.
If you go to couples therapy with both of you agreeing to Listen and not just "hear", and can be clear without fear about your expectations, then you should. If you know that she hss closed her mind, I probably wouldn't. Your depression isn't your fault... it's just....There. You deserve happiness. 💜🙇♀️
Hi Joshgw sorry to hear, what you've been going through, life can be so tough sometimes and we get to the point and think to ourselves what can i do to sort all this mess out, but it's completely out of our control non of us choose to have depression is comes on and before you know it's, caught us.You said in your message that your wife feels dead, then perhaps she's really suffering with her depression too, so maybe she's, feeling that she can't deal with hers and can't handle yours, she's not strong enough. Having talking therapy will give you both the opportunity to express how your both feeling and then hopefully you can be a great support for each other, and both do the things you love doing it will be slow to begin with but it will be a, start. Good luck hope things get better for you both.
He was a very driven, workaholic who was let go because the IT company was downsizing and his department was new, so not making money.
It wasn't easy at the time to get IT posts, especially managerial ones (1991). He was abusive to me and my children, and we had to leave for our own safety.
It scarred his children emotionally, as well as me, and I was suffering from undiagnosed PTSD, but I fought through it, although it has taken me years and also taken my physical health, as I am now disabled, with Fibro. But I'm a bloody minded old battleaxe, and I won't allow what he did to us to damage us further.
It has taken many years to get through, but I am now medication free, (except for pain meds which I can get otc).
For me it was a case of get tough, or follow his lead, and I wasn't going to leave my kids alone in this world for anything. I got tough!
Thank you all for such kind posts. My wife came back from her weekend and her reaction to me was a little better. I got a lot done while she was gone around the house so she says I'm holding up OK. Then why am I in so much pain. I'd have this pain whether I had marriage problems or not. I'm just sobbing all the time, even at work. She says it's b/c I'm more comfortable being depressed, which every depressive can relate to and even say that, its true. I know it's probably true for me. But being this suicidal is unbearable. I know I have to stay alive for my son, and it looks like I have a real chance to fix things with my wife. But my wife does think I'm doing better but I think I'm doing worse. I'm just so tired, I don't know what to do. I just need this pain to go away. Suicide is just an escape. I don't care how it goes away. I obviously prefer I get better, but ive tried everything. what else can I do that I haven't already done. I don't really think I'm better off dead, but it's the one thing I haven't tried. But I can't do it as tempting as it is. My son needs a father. This would kill him and ruin his life and my wife's. I think we'll be OK in the end.
Please. I need help!! I've already done the hospital, they can't help me in the long run. I need people I can call in a crisis, not just message boards. I need group therapy, face to face, virtual OK. People to actually talk to. I already do regular therapy 3 times/week already. Can anyone help, I'm really scared.
Before you get out of bed, try the Wim Hof guided breathing exercises free on you tube. Then go take a barely warm shower. And slowly lower the temperature to full cold. Exhale slowly the whole time. Stay in there 10 minutes each day. Then get 40 minutes of cardio exercise daily to produce endorphins and seratonin etc. Slow down and take care of yourself.,lay on the couch with your son, and watch a movie he wants to see. Tell him you love him and love spending time with him.
Thanks. I've been learning DBT so I already try the breathing exercises, but that's a good suggestion. I've also tried guided meditation from time to time. My son and I are very close and I consider every minute we spend together as quality time. Thanks for your help
I don’t know how to help. I have no magic words. Just know that I really do care. Keep telling yourself you’re not going to do it. Don’t start thinking about all the crazy ways you could kill yourself, don’t let your mind go there. Keep telling yourself you’re going to get through this.
Hi. Just checking on you. I am also wondering a few things:
●Have you been tested for a chemical imbalance which could be throwing off your Serotonin and contributing to your depression?
●Do you take Vitamin D3, and/or expose yourself to outdoor direct sunlight for at least 15 minutes every day? This is pretty critical to your mind/body functioning. Lack of D3 exposure is why so many elderly patients in nursing homes decline so quickly.
●Do you have a particular religion you are drawn to or practice?
Hi Alison. I'll PM you later if that's OK. I haven’t been officially tested for a chemical Imbalance (at least I don't think so) but I'm sure there is one. I did the Gene Sight genetic testing for which drugs might work better but I don't know how accurate it is. I have to check on my vitamin D. I used to take vitamin d supplements but I don't know if it was d3. The hospital took me off of it and didn't put it back. But I do take a walk everyday. I'm not a spiritual person or religious. Josh
Hi Josh. I can relate to the unbearable pain and the situation with your family. I'm so sorry that you're in so much pain.Our depression and pain is depressing and scary for those who are near us.
I think the best thing is probably that you all get individual counseling and family counseling.
Your son may not be able to understand everything but I can tell you that my own son, who is now older, has told me how depressed and scared he would get when he saw me in bad shape.
I can understand that your wife has been struggling for a long time, but if she can still tell you that you're doing better, I think you have a chance to hold on to your family.
Try to tell yourself that this pain is like a broken piece of you and that it's not you.
Try to challenge yourself to be an example for your son, and show him how to find a plan that helps you at least a little and how not to give up.
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My body is exhausted, I can't do it anymore
Can't take it anymore
Can't take it anymore
The last letter I sent my mother, I can’t take anymore 
