Im sitting here wishing I was dead! I don't want to be sad and hurt anymore. One month after my first and only grandson was born, my daughter told me I was toxic and she didn't want me in her life. It's such a long story but while she was pregnant her boyfriends mother took over and I was pushed aside. Although it hurt, I stayed in the background and never voiced my opinion. Her boyfriend and father of her child doesn't like me. Why I don't know but everytime I'm around him, he ignores me and makes me feel uncomfortable so I would leave. It's been 19 months and im not sure if our relationship will ever go back to normal. Im hurt, im pissed! I have missed some important life's events that I'll never get back. I see her posts on fb and just cry! Another situation is my very own mother. She didn't raise me and has been in and out of my life at her discretion. She is a mean nasty person that has to be in control and the center of attention. I take all of her bullshit and don't say a word. Well this week, I told her to stop her shenanigans and she said she was done with me and will never speak to me again. She acts like the innocent victim. All my life I wanted a close, happy family that I never had. I just can't make it happen. I'm embarrassed, hurt, and angry. I feel like a fool wondering what they say about me behind my back. I know being raised by a depressed, anxious, and bipolar mom couldn't have been easy. I have expressed my feelings to them both to try and make them understand and I guess I shouldn't have. I have worn a mask and put on a fake facade nearly my whole life so I appeared happy and stable when deep inside I'm dying. I guess I'm probably not making much sense or maybe I'm weak and this is trivial but I need help! I don't want to hurt anymore. I want to disappear! Oh and last summer I was on life support for a month and my daughter never called or visited. My mom visited once but was more concerned about going out to eat so they told me. My doctor changed my meds 3 weeks ago and im waiting on them to find me a therapist. Life seems hopeless. I thought I was a nice, caring person (nurse even) but apparently I'm toxic! Thanks for reading my post!
I can't take it anymore!: Im sitting... - Anxiety and Depre...
I can't take it anymore!
I’m so sorry, this does sound so awful for you. You mention not making sense, you do make sense to me. I can’t imagine the pain you must be feeling right now...
We often question ourselves when something is happening and wonder what went wrong. I’m glad you reached out here, I find it helps to write things down.
Some counselling could be beneficial to you right now, to talk through all that has happened and have some support and input.
I wish you all the best
Keeep Chatting to us here , it can be a good help
🌺🌼🌺🌼 xx
I'm very sorry this has all happened to you, and sadly this story is similar for a lot of us here, so you are not alone Kimmie....you're in very good company. I had to let go of some of my dysfunctional family...and keep the ones who are emotionally there for me. But it wasn't that way till my sister had her own kids did there even begin to be any changes in the family dynamics....and I had to make them...I was not going to give up. But I also had to let go of the things that will never change.
Like letting go of my sociopath of a mother...nothing was ever going to change with her....I had to let go and stop beating my head against a brick wall....with blame, and shame, guilt, and all that other stuff. My mother and a couple of my brothers never were able to show any care for anyone but themselves. So...I cut them out of my loop....it took many years to do that, but its okay now....no regrets.
I know you’re hurting....and it's horrible the way you have been treated....but at some point we have to decide....do we grieve the loss of what we don't and won't have....or do we try and heal the best we can and acknowledge what we do want in life that we can have....and some day your daughter may come around....but you have to accept that she also may not. So do you stop your life waiting...hoping....no....you have to choose to find a way....stop hurting yourself over things you cannot change. Change the way you think about them....take care of you...
I just wish everyone could get along in my family. How do some families make it work or is that just for show?
Every family dynamic is so different...it's hard to say. But I do know a lot do put up a good face for the public, and behind the scenes is a living hell....I have witnessed this first hand. And I too wished I could have had 'happy family' all around...but I'm happy with what I have managed in my life now....all of my family are over a thousand miles away....and I've managed to have a pretty good life with the one I want to be with, but that came after decades of sadness, and unhappiness....I just had to accept things for the way they were...
Have you ever heard of someone's disability check being taken away? I'm nervous. I had to fill out forms. I tried working part time but, I just couldn't do it. I think they're questioning my disability. Im sorry to change subjects but my mind races and it's hard to stay focused when I'm so upset. I'll focus on all the negatives and make myself worse
if you have been diagnosed and have a doctors medical report, or doctors visits where there is a paper trail describing your mental state and issues your dealing with, then no one can dispute that where I live. I don't know where you are, but it's pretty clear if you have your issues documented by a doctor...you should be okay. But certainly verify that with your doctor. And ask questions of anyone who you think could give you some answers within that system.
I would love to chat with you. Your story is so much like mine, it made me cry. Cause I feel the pain in you as I do in myself.
I sure can relate to you! I have 2 grandsons that I'm not allowed to see, my 1 son doesn't talk to us..the pain of it is deep! I'm here for you wishing you love & peace! XXX
Why are these kids doing this?
I'm thinking they are selfish & only care about themselves....someday they will have regrets...how sad for them!!! Big hugs for you!!! XXX
This is ignorant to say but, I hope they do have guilt and regrets! Although that wouldn't change the hurt and hopelessness that I feel right now. I start therapy monday. I pray it helps. It hasn't helped in the past
No I don't think it's ignorant at all!!! Believe me they will have regrets , and you're right it doesn't change our feelings . Pray for them!! I sure wish you all the best with therapy, you need to click with them, if not don't give up & keep seeking for one that you do!!! I wish for you peace & happiness! XXX
Very sadly, I too can relate to your pain. Often asking myself, how did I end up so alone, when I feel I’m a good, caring person. I’m so scared most days, of how I will live alone after my husband of almost 30 years wants a divorce. I have a herniated disc, that recently flared up and caused me to lose a new job.. after just 2 days.. meanwhile, I alone am having to sort and pack up our home that we’ve been in for 24 years, raised our children in. I have no family living by me, no emotional support close by, just trying to get through each day, I’m seeing my therapist today and I also am attending DivorceCare... need this so bad today.
I complained when you and others have so much more to deal with. My heart goes out to you!
Oh no. I was just commenting your story is so similar to mine, especially the relationship with your daughter and not seeing your grandkids. I just thought make we could talk to help each other.
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