My body is exhausted, I can't do it anymore

[bbanxiety]

My depression has been getting worse for the last two years, the last month has been one of the worst of my life. I'm trying what I can to get myself back to work, get my energy back and to just feel better.

But it isn't working. My fatigue levels are insane, every day I wake up feeling like I've been hit by a truck. Everything aches, my mind is mush and I just feel like a zombie. I've had all the tests, and apparently I'm perfectly healthy, but it feels like my body and mind are dying. My chest always feels heavy, like I've just been told bad news. My head can't think straight, I can't focus on anything other than how weak my body feels and how tired I am.

I do have severe health anxiety, and this level of exhaustion doesn't help. I know that it's my depression, because if I drink alcohol or take Diazepam, I don't feel the exhaustion as much.

I just don't know what to do anymore. A mental health professional is calling me this Friday, I've told my doctor how I feel and new bloods are being done, but I don't know how to fix myself.

I'm doing light exercise, I'm eating much healthier, I'm sleeping, I'm currently not working due to my exhaustion. But having this break isn't working at all.

What do I do? I feel so sad but I can't cry, I scream internally, I really want to give in and admit defeat, that life has won. I have no one to talk to about it, I'm a 30 year old man but due to being in an abusive relationship for two years, I have no friends and only two family members who don't understand depression and anxiety.

I don't feel like a man, I feel weak and broken. I can't even go to work because I'm so exhausted and I freak out from how tired I am. I have no drive, no sense of purpose, I just flip from feeling okay for a day and then rubbish for four days.

I don't know, I don't expect anymore to reply to this post. I just need to get it out, I feel like I'm done with all of this, I'm tired, I have no fight left in me anymore.

[Chico49]

Hi friend. You are not alone, you have reached out on here and I’m sure there are some very nice people that will give you some advice and try to help you. I am a man going through the same difficulties as your self and it can be very hard at times. If there’s anything I can do to help don’t hesitate to say.

[bbanxiety in reply to Chico49]

Thank you.

I just wish I could go to work, I think that would solve most of the problem. The issue is the exhaustion. I have so little energy that any interaction or task drains what small amount of energy I have.

I can cope with the thoughts, the low mood, if I had energy I feel I could overcome or at least manage the depression whilst holding down a job. I did it for years before, I don't know why I can't now.

[Hidden]

Hi there. I'm so sorry about the exhaustion. I truly empathize since I have RLS. I'm wondering: have you ever been to a sleep specialist?

[bbanxiety in reply to Hidden]

I've had a sleep study. I have severe sleep apnea and I've been having treatment for the past three months. I've had all the settings fine tuned and my sleep is better than ever, apparently.

I feel worse than I ever have though.

[Hidden in reply to bbanxiety]

I am so sorry. I really feel for you. I am glad that your CPAP appears to be doing it's job. Have you tried the different masks available? I use a nasal mask (also have OSA), having switched to that from the nasal pillow.You say that this has been going on for awhile, but I'm going to ask anyway: do you think it could be covid-related?

[PrettyImperfect]

Hello. You are definitely not alone. I am in a similar situation. I have not worked in months. I want to work, but have lost interest in so many things I used to enjoy doing. It is hard for me to get out of bed. I am in my mid forties, was a very optimistic person for majority of my life, and never imagined I would be in the condition I am in. My life feels like a nightmare. Prior to the pandemic, I had so much energy, goals, ambitions. I understand feeling exhaustion. Depression will do that to us. When I was studying to become a licensed therapist, I focused on the cognitive behavior therapy model. The premise is to replace negative automatic thoughts with positive ones, and refute negative self talk with positive self talk. It takes practice but it actually chips away the negative, depressive thoughts. Talking/writing about it on here is good too. It takes courage to say what we're feeling, especially when it seems like no one is listening, cares, or understands. I think this is a safe space.

[Sueislove]

I can relate , I just told my therapist today I feel like I am in a nightmare too! On top of this ,anxiety and depression,I continue to lose my hair this all started two weeks in January and found a dermatologist who did a biopsy and it alopecia but the kind that comes back praying for that !!!! I too was a very happy active person all my life and in great shape with beautiful long hair and now I am a completely different person inside and out never in a million years thought any of this would happen to me because of my healthy life style . Makes a person really think about all we do have and that in a moment things can change . Praying for some peace and healing your way and know that your not alone 💕

[KJnOTT]

I would for sure try to rule out if there is any medical issues going on that may be having an impact on you physically. You are not alone. One tip is to just get out for a 15 minute walk each day. Fresh air and sunshine will help with dopeamine levels. Keep working with your physical and psychologist on a path forward that works for you. Don't push yourself about work - working on your mental health is the most important so you will be equipped to take on working again. Be well- one day at a time.