Howdy, I’m new in town!

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

Well not new to anxiety but new to this community. I figured I join cause I’ve been having some medical issues lately and it’s been driving my anxiety up the walls. And I don’t want to keep burdening my fiancé and mother about it.

See I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder& acute depression back when I was 12 years old. I mean who wouldn’t get depressed being afraid all the time and missing out on life. So I was put on different drugs first Zoloft. 10mg at first but every 2wks my shrink then would up the dosage cause I didn’t feel any different. But then again I didn’t know what to look for. Finally stopped at 40mg cause I suffered a side effect. Luckily for me my dad’s insurance change and I got to see someone else. Found a wonderful psychiatrist who is still treating me now. He put me Lexapro at 20mg. With klonopin at .5mg. Through therapy I started my ascent to the mountain top. It was really trying but I was making head way. But I did wonder if I was moving too slow cause I still wasn’t where everyone else is at. Plus I was lonely. It’s kind of hard to date someone when you don’t have a job, live with your mother and have anxiety issues.

But at around the age of 23 I found someone. He’s a very special man. I’m grateful to have found him. He’s inspired and encouraged me to always try. I finally got my drivers license at 24. I flew on a plane by myself. Everything was going good.

Until late 2019... I noticed I was cold intolerant. But didn’t think nothing of it. Then my psychiatrist ran annual blood work and told me to talk to my primary care physician about it. He did more blood work and I have hypothyroidism. He put me on levothyroxine 20mg cause my thyroid wasn’t as bad. I went that way for a year. Again living life doing big things like traveling. I felt like I was finally becoming an adult. But in late February of 2021, I get told by my doctor that my levels fell some more. So he up the dosage to 50mg of levothyroxine sodium. And in March my life fell apart. My anxiety has increased ten fold. My klonopin was no longer working for me. I kept having panic attacks that were really bad. I was put right back were I was at 12. I told my doctor after looking at the side effects of Levothyroxine sodium that it can increase anxiety and I even told my psychiatrist. My psychiatrist suggested I get a referral to see an endocrinologist. But my doctor was against that idea. Cause my thyroid levels were fine. So it couldn’t be the medication. But if I felt that strongly about it, he would put me back to 20mg of levothyroxine sodium. I have yet to feel the same. Every appointment I go to I always tell him I want to be me again. I feel ignored. I feel he thinks my anxiety is to blame for all this and he won’t give me a referral. It sucks having anxiety cause any kind of medical issue it’s blamed on anxiety and nothing else is taken seriously. Like I’ve been having chest pains. In all my years with anxiety, I never had chest pains. Now I do. But again my heart sounds good so it’s “anxiety”. He put me on an antidepressant Celexa 10mg. I now experience random fluctuations of my heart beat..it drops down to 56 bpm. But then picks up again. He tells me it’s fine and normal. I don’t know if I can trust my doctor anymore. I’m just so tired of feeling this way and scared of going thru doctors and never finding one that will help me. So as of right now I’m stuck in purgatory. I’m trying to get back out there. Found an app called The DARE Response. It works pretty good for calming me down. Like I said I just want myself back.

[Agora1]

Welcome CL3V3R-G1RL Anxiety can certainly be a tough road especially when other

health situations come along. But know that once the right meds, the right dosage as well

as the right time of day to take it are in place, then you will get some relief.

The problem is that after a while the anxiety meds lose their efficacy and need to be changed. It is a good idea while the meds are working for you, to find alternatives that

can fill in for the medication or in addition to the medication. This will assure you that

you are not solely dependent on just meds for anxiety.

I'm glad that you found us and hope you will continue to reach out and get the support

and understanding you need. You are more than Welcome here new friend xx

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to Agora1]

I understand that. It's just my anxiety meds were working just fine until the thyroid medication was up. I was doing well. But after that upgrade in medication seriously did me in. I can't take 1mg of klonopin cause it makes me dizzy. I realized I made mistake in my post. I was put on 50mcg of levothyroxine sodium. My doctor has back me back on 20 mcg of levothyroxine sodium after I complained about the anxiety though he doesn't believe it's the medication. Which is something I find hard to deal with. It's like nobody believes me. Doctor makes me feel like I'm crazy and confused about my body and how I feel. Which is a terrible feeling. To be made to feel you are all alone. I just wished my doctor understood how I felt. Thanks for welcoming me!

[13ga in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

hi CG!! and WELCOME!!

always nice to meet another l33t!!

you must be a gamer... i sense a disturbance in the force!!

CG - i'd like to share 2 thoughts for your consideration....

1) you're absolutely right to question your doctors. 50% of them finished in the bottom of their class!!! of the other 50% - i think 50% of them only went into medicine for the $$$. but there's is good news - there are good doc's out there. but you do have to keep looking until you find one.

2) you said somewhere in one of your replies - "i just want the old me back". CG - we can never get the 'old us' back - because we are always growing. we can never be the old us - unless we are stagnant. if you don't mind my presumption - i think what you want - is to love the new you - that you encounter everyday, when the next new you is born. yes - we definitely want to improve ourselves so each new us, can be a better version - don't ever stop. but IMHO - we need to figure out who that new us is - and embrace it. and the bits we dont like - endeavor to change and improve. but we gotta try to love ourselves during the journey to finding our better us.

we're all - always - a work in process.

let me say this another way - we're all just "PC's" in this game of life. some of those around us - are barely cogent; barely awake - they're the NPC's. every night you go to sleep - that day's you is killed off. the next day - you're "rez'ed" anew. but you still keep the XP you've earned. after your rez - you gotta grind out that day's stuff, and work toward your new gear. build up your XP, so you can level up. it's a grind. all games are - at some point. some never levelup. NPC's can't level up. don't waste your time w/ them. find the other PC's, group up and seek your MOB's together.

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to 13ga]

Thanks for the words of encouragement and advice.

Well what I meant by old me is that I was kind of normal. Or my normal. I was improving on my anxiety. I went on my first road trip and I drove for 4hrs! And I was planning on doing more of that. I gained a lot of XP off that. But then my dosage on thyroid medication sent my system into a crash and I have to rebuild all over again. Or at least that's how it feels. Sure I can look back at my saved files and tell my doc over & over again that this isn't my normal anxiety and it's the medication.

I Kno I don't have to build from scratch. Though I do wish my brain was like a PC or a video game. Be cool to go back to my last save and start from there again. Yes, I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks that way about doctors! You should have seen the look on my doctor's face when I told him my psychiatrist "suggested" I see an Endocrinologist. He acted as if I told him his degree ain't worth nothing. That's not what my shrink said or I said. Just I'm not getting along with this medication. This medication rob me of my joy. Like I love video games and reading. I haven't done much of that in 3 months. Honestly I'm kind of mad about that! I miss my Sims and I need to figure out who framed the Steel Samurai 😂

[13ga in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

hi CG:

i understand what you're saying. i get it. you're trying to address your anxiety issues. and you have a 2-fold problem with that. ALL doctors are practicing medicine. because none have all the answers yet. but when it comes to mental health - it's even harder - because we know FAR FAR less about the brain, than any other organ. there's ALOT of mystery there still. so the treatments we have aren't universal for everyone.

it's normal that when we pursue treatment for a mental illness - that we have some set-backs. there's more reasons for this than i can say. but set-backs are part of life - even when life is at it's best.

i totally understand how frustrating, and upsetting it is - not to have your "old normal". i'm suffering with this exact problem also. i desperately want the 'old me' back.

but this only drives home the necessity for having a good dr that you can have a 2--way conversation with; that does NOT get insulted if you want another opinion, or questions their thought process. truly good dr's get this. finding the right medication, and the right dosage - takes time - and it's more an art in some cases, because lots of people react differently.

keep up your hope - because there is hope. we can all get thru this. but it may take time.

PS: steel samurai was framed by the same guy that framed roger rabbit!!! LMAO (it was a "toon" that done it!!!!!) hehheh

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to 13ga]

Don't you go blaming the Toons for this 😂 Btw isn't it amazing most of us watch that as a kid and it wasn't a kid movie. I'm still traumatized how the judge killed off the little shoe and left his partner alone. 😂

[13ga in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

OMG CG - you aree sooooooooo right!!!!!!

there was some exquisite writing in that movie - and some equally exquisite adult humor!!! and all in the guise of a kids movie...

the judge character was especially well written!! that was one scary toon!!!!!!!

as for blaming the toons..... well isn't that a wonderful metaphor that couldn't possibly hit home harder today than ever before!???!?!

so since you obviously know the movie - you know that when anything goes wrong - it's some toon's fault!!

i didn't make that true.... it's not my fault - it's just the way they were drawn!!!! ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!! hehehehehheheh

😂😂😂😂

[LifeofBlue]

Hi CL3V3R-G1RL,

I've been dealing with anxiety for most of my life, and have been on meds (including Klonopin) for over 30 years. But 2 years ago, my thyroid acted up, and after much testing and consultation with doctors, I was diagnosed with Graves Disease. This causes hyperthyroidism, so my anxiety levels were hitting new peaks. I'm on medication to keep my thyroid levels at bay, but just a couple of months ago I had issues when my thyroid meds were adjusted, my thyroid levels were all over the place, and so was my anxiety and depression.

So, the thyroid plays a major part in how you're feeling, and the changes you've gone through (including the new thyroid medication) is very likely affecting everything. I highly suggest that you see an endocrinologist, if nothing else to make sure you aren't dealing with any other thyroid issues, and also to help with balancing meds.

My personal opinion here, based on some of my own experience, is to find a new doctor! It doesn't sound like they are helping much at all. I know how hard it is to see another doctor (especially when you have anxiety and depression... !!!), but honestly, it's worth a shot at this point to try to find someone with whom you feel more comfortable. You used a key phrase that I can relate to - "I don't know if I can trust my doctor anymore". Use that as inspiration to find someone to help you feel better.

Hang in there, you can do this! You've found the right balance of meds and support before, and you will do it again!

Welcome and wishing you all the best!

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to LifeofBlue]

Yeah I have an appointment with him next month. In the meantime I'm looking at doctors so after I lay down my terms with him. And if he refuses to give me a referral. I'll go some where else. And I would already have one in mind. Both my counselor and psychiatrist both have said the same thing. It's just hard cause I'm not a confrontational person. I feel people don't take me seriously cause I'm soft spoken. Btw I love you username 💙

Ooh my sister has that as well. In fact my sister is an odd case. She was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism in her 20s. After taking radioactive iodine to get rid of a goiter and a year of meds. Her levels flip to normal. She was taken off of meds for more than 20yrs. Then in her 40s she was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and Graves disease. I wonder if I could have that. 🤔 I would love to get off CeleXa and Levothyroxine sodium.

[motherofhounds__oc]

Hello, and welcome to the community. I have had GAD my whole life, but I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 34. Originally on Lexapro, but switched to Zoloft when I was pregnant. I didn’t ever really notice a difference between the max dose of Lexapro versus Zoloft, so I have remained on Zoloft (200 mg). About 6 years ago, I was noticing a lot of fatigue and depression—turns out I, too, have hypothyroidism. I have an amazing endocrinologist, and he put my on 50 micrograms of levothyroxine (Synthroid). Over that period, I went through some of the most horrifically stressful years of my life. My psychiatrist put me on 2 mg Klonopin per day, along with 300 mg Wellbutrin. Things were better, but not great, and last October, things got really hard for me. My psychiatrist added 30 mg of Buspar 2x daily. It changed everything. I’m 50 years old, and I’ve never noticed such a profound, prolonged period of diminished anxiety. It’s there in the background, but it doesn’t control me anymore. I imagine this is sort of like how people without GAD experience anxiety. My psychiatrist is the best I’ve ever had—board certified, and he is one of the docs that oversees the exams for other psychiatrists to become board certified. Obviously, everyone is different, and it took 16 years for me to find the right balance of medications. I’m glad to hear you have a therapist; I found the perfect fit for me last spring, and wow. What a difference. She’s CBT focused, and I think that works very well for people with GAD. I would also encourage you to try the following apps: Fabulous, Daily Calm, and Daily Yoga. I try to meditate about 10 minutes per day and do at least 15 minutes of yoga per day—I’ve never felt better in my life, even given the stressors of Covid * (including 3 kids being home doing Zoom classes!!). Best of luck to you, and please don’t hesitate to message me if you want. I’m here for you. Sending hugs, and peace, and strength. ❤️

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to motherofhounds__oc]

Thank you! What's hard is that I too have a wonderful psychiatrist. But my PCP won't give me a referral to endocrinologist because my thyroid levels are fine to him. I hate having insurance that's a HMO. Can't see a specialist without a referral. I'm just terrified that's I'm going to be suck this way. I finally had a life and now it's gone. I'm scared I'll never get it back 😭

[motherofhounds__oc in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

Talk to your psychiatrist. He might be able to help w/your thyroid issues, too. Or at least adjust your psych meds such that the synthroid doesn’t impact you as much.

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to motherofhounds__oc]

Ooh how I would love him to treat me for both! That man saved my life as a teen. But sadly my insurance won't let me see him for both things. Insurances suck! I'm sorry that I cried 😭 I just get emotional talking about this. Didn't exactly have the best morning. But I already appreciate you folks for replying to me. Makes me feel a little better. Thanks for making me feel welcome 😁

[motherofhounds__oc in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

Anytime! That’s what we’re here for. Oh, also, I noticed earlier you had mentioned that the klonopin makes you dizzy. I take mine before bed (2 mg), and it has such a long half-life, it helps during the day without making me feel woozy or dizzy. Hope you start to feel better soon. One of my favorite quotes (I think from some Buddhist master) is “nothing is permanent but impermanence.” ❤️

[kvolm2016]

Hi and welcome! Glad you are here to get some support and encouragement during this challenging time. Also glad to hear that despite your PCP's refusal you are proceeding with appt. with endocrinologist. Feeling like you don't agree with/trust your PCP should definitely cause you to look elsewhere IMO. I know that insurance can be restrictive but receiving the care you need should be a priority even if it means paying more for those services. Do you have options for which insurance plans and providers you use?

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to kvolm2016]

Well at this moment in time I can't do anything with changing insurance until next year. Medicare thing. Also I haven't gotten an appointment with endocrinologist. Cause I need a stupid referral from my PCP. HMOs are a pain. I do have an appointment with my doctor in June. So I will make my demands known that I want a referral to see an Endocrinologist. If I can't get one, then I walk. I I'll make my case on the fact that he's not paying for it and shouldn't it be about my care. Just humor me with a referral and if that I'm good & there's nothing they can really do. Ok I'll try to get along with this new form of anxiety. I'm just looking up doctors in case he refuses and endocrinologists if he does accept my terms. Better to be prepared.

[kvolm2016 in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

Gotcha, yes all the insurance plan restrictions are a hassle to deal and when I am frustrated with all of that I try to remind myself that it is good to be thankful to have the insurance to begin with. Hope it all works out well for you with the June appointment!

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

That's true. I should be grateful that I have some type of insurance even if it isn't the greatest. I just overwhelmed myself by worrying about stuff that hasn't even happen or going to.

[kvolm2016 in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

Yep, it's not bad to consider all the possible scenarios in order to be prepared for any of the possibilities. But as we all know, "considering the possibilities" is a whole lot different than obsessing/fixating on them!