for the ones who need to forgive themselves for believing a narcissistic, gaslighting, unwell person,&using your mental health against you

[Ubud2021]

First off, haven’t been on here lately... :/

So... After 7.5 Months, I can finally properly grieve...

She took my worst fear, and she challenged it, made me believe for the first time in my life that my biggest fear, is just an illusion... and I actually can be loved with my high panic disorder, and PTSD. She held me when I needed it, she nurtured me. And let me know when I was having “past feelings” from PTSD, and NOT warning signs or red flags...

But....Then, in the end, I wasn’t loved. I was criticized, laughed at, judged and gaslighted for my mental health issues...

She didn’t tell me one truth thing about her. Only that she said she was an asshole. But, everything else turned out to be double lived for her. From the moment we met, I declined...

But now, I have all the answers to the questions I needed. Why I was finding long blonde hair all over her things. Why she really smelt different everyday... Why I was finding things around the house that were not mine, but girl things that were not hers either... why she was “working” all the time... and now, I also know, that what she did to me, is NOT about me... She just showed me the kind of Human Being that she just is. Now that I know the truth, I don’t miss her. My heart does not ache for her anymore...

It aches for me. I just need to forgive MYSELF for not knowing that ‘the warning signs can feel like they’re butterflies.’

[Hidden]

Sorry you’re going through this, I’m going through a breakup currently and I know I don’t want someone who manipulates and gaslights me in my life anymore. It was hard enough staying in that for 2 1/2 years then realizing he was cheating on me for those 2 years. Literally had to get it out of him...It hurts so much. I hope I can get through this. I just feel hopeless, I don’t even wanna think about him anymore. You definitely need to forgive yourself, you did nothing wrong. ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUT! That’s what I’ve learned.

[Ubud2021 in reply to Hidden]

I am so sorry. Stay strong. Because you are definitely worth so much more. It hurts, but accept that it will hurt for awhile. You got this.

And I just didn’t realize that warning signs also feel like butterflies as well...ya know?

[Hidden in reply to Ubud2021]

You and I will be okay and we will have the strength to get through this, whatever you do don’t look back nor get back with that person. It’s only gonna make you feel worse. But I had no clue either w the butterflies! It’s almost like a nervous feeling too?

[SongAndSoul]

It’s going to “ache.”

You cared for this woman.

I am so proud of you for learning to discern abusive behavior at such a young age.

Forgive yourself for taking crumbs.

You are stronger now.

Go live your best life! 💪

[Ubud2021 in reply to SongAndSoul]

Yes, I know that I will be griefing, but, I can finally grieve now because I got answers and closure of things. But definitely am stronger! I am learning to live better and start loving myself.

Have a wonderful day.💕