Why is it that any kind of fear is so paralyzing? I never get to fight. My usually response to any kind of stress, anxiety or fear is one: freeze. I loose the energy and any life that is in me, drains to zero. I have thoughts of total resignation, sometimes even suicidal ones. I suffer from leg pain, back pain, sometimes feel my body so exhausted. I can sleep all day, all night, many often hanging between deep sleep and it’s lightest form. Sounds terrify me - cell phone and door bell the most. I don’t know since when I have it but definitely my all “adult life” so since I left high school, go to university and start working.
My boss was a terrorist and loved either blackmailing us or threatening. Cell phone was her favorite thing to deliver all the bad messages, no matter if it was Christmas Eve or exam, surely whenever marked down on schedule that I can’t attend work, she would bully with much of contact needed. It was a very hard process to leave that work after five long years.
After her I decided not to have a boss and created my own company. I was pretty successful until the moment things with my relationship went bad. I collapsed then and since then anything that goes bad, even if only in my mind, scares me to death. I do not know how to overcome it.
Once faux wrote me one step at a time for the three p not to eat me. But how to do it? Procrastinating is my best friend. I hate it.
Fear is my biggest pain. My body, my skin, my heart, my future - everything suffers because of it.
How to cope with it? How to get to work? How to pass each step?
Please be kind to share your ideas.