Why is it that any kind of fear is so paralyzing? I never get to fight. My usually response to any kind of stress, anxiety or fear is one: freeze. I loose the energy and any life that is in me, drains to zero. I have thoughts of total resignation, sometimes even suicidal ones. I suffer from leg pain, back pain, sometimes feel my body so exhausted. I can sleep all day, all night, many often hanging between deep sleep and it’s lightest form. Sounds terrify me - cell phone and door bell the most. I don’t know since when I have it but definitely my all “adult life” so since I left high school, go to university and start working.
My boss was a terrorist and loved either blackmailing us or threatening. Cell phone was her favorite thing to deliver all the bad messages, no matter if it was Christmas Eve or exam, surely whenever marked down on schedule that I can’t attend work, she would bully with much of contact needed. It was a very hard process to leave that work after five long years.
After her I decided not to have a boss and created my own company. I was pretty successful until the moment things with my relationship went bad. I collapsed then and since then anything that goes bad, even if only in my mind, scares me to death. I do not know how to overcome it.
Once faux wrote me one step at a time for the three p not to eat me. But how to do it? Procrastinating is my best friend. I hate it.
Fear is my biggest pain. My body, my skin, my heart, my future - everything suffers because of it.
How to cope with it? How to get to work? How to pass each step?
Please be kind to share your ideas.
Written by
Orangeblossom85
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I understand how fear can be paralyzing! The doorbell wears me out too! I will immediately panic and start looking around the house to see if it’s acceptable for someone to come in! That terrifies me! I have a serious problem with someone coming in if I haven’t cleaned properly first! Crazy!! Why should I care? That’s really not what’s important. Greeting someone with love in my heart should be my goal. I’m working on it! Worrying about the past and especially for you, the future, is a waste of your mental energy. Focus only on today and it’s possibilities. Try to squash your fears by doing them anyway and finding out that it’s not as bad as your anxiety led you to believe! I had to make myself go to the grocery store because I had developed a fear and found out that it’s ok! Now I go frequently! Not really a big deal anymore, but I had to make myself do it. Keep pushing forward while focusing on the positive! Wishing you the best! 🌞
Fear of failure... and fear of getting hurt..fear of the unknown, fear of change... so... we have old tapes that play in our head about our self worth, and that if we fail if will devastate what little self esteem we have to never want to do anything again.
1. perfection 2. procrastination 3. paralysis
We were always being knocked down every time we tried our best to do something, it was never good enough. ( so we may have been groomed to believe often as kids or in a bad relationship, or even an abusive bully boss)
2. procrastination....so because we have such a huge fear of failure ...we try ten times harder but don't want to fail so we delay and delay ever getting started.
3. paralyses... finally we have defeated ourselves before we even get started because we the fear of failure is so overwhelming....we just cant' move forward. We are stuck.
Medication has helped me tremendously ...but it is still a daily battle...daily meditations and positive self talk including prayer🙏🏽 gets me through the day! Fear is pure evil! Don’t let it win!!
I take an SSRI orangeblossom.... a low dose for my depression....And I will tell you the best work I got done to help me with the '3 P's', was work on abandonment issues.... ACOA.... and doing positive things that made me feel good about me. Like my photography, or ceramic art. I suck at painting and carpentry, but have fun doing it anyways....that's now what's more important...fun.
I struggled most of my life trying to like me for who I was, because everything I did was never enough or good enough as a kid for my mother...so I had to battle with finding a happy medium... meaning.... what ever I applied myself too, didn't have to be perfect any longer, as nothing really is, and what I did was good enough.
Uually what I gave my best shot to was actually pretty okay after-all, because of all my high standards for myself, I was always trying to score some sort of 'at a girl' or 'good job honey'....from my mother... Never happened... I came home with a B+.... you should have gotten an A.....so now I do my best without being over critical, and that is good enough.
I stopped making lists of things to do that were impossible....that way I stopped setting myself up for failure...and then success was achievable.
I started looking around to see what others were doing...and realized...hey...I'm pretty damn good at my job....and the things I suck at... oh well, not a problem.
I need to incorporate your words Faux. I must tell you that over the last month - if it need be because of your advices, i wouldn't probably even move to go to work. I badly need to get my life sorted, especially these problems that are real thread to my life and to my well being. unfortunately they are also the ones that i keep pushing further and further wishing that maybe one day i will be able to stand tall for me and fight for myself
I'm really really in need of any kind of advices. of practical tips - what to do, how to start, how to move forward. there are also very difficult decisions to be taken... i do not have anyone to talk about them. and i want my decisions to be taken with a lot of wisdom and delicacy. i do not want to make war with anyone and I'm so afraid that protection me will mean ruining someone else - and at a result fo it all - completely destroying my own self and my life, my family too..
I am a part of small psycho-group. It's very very very helpful but I unfortunately do not talk about me at all. I can't. Here is the only place, I somehow say what i think straight forward. In any other space it's always just blabling about nothing that concerns me, pulling wool over theirs eyes or just talking to pretand that I took my voice already... I also smile all the time, no matter if im talking about something sad or happy, its same..
Everyone thinks of me that I talk so much but the ones that listen attentively tell me later that they know nothing about me...
That's scarily like the story of my life. I'm glad you've got ways of coping, medication (sertraline) helps me a lot, I can let things wash over me so much more than I used to x
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