Loss of my friend

I just found out that my friend killed herself last night. I am so broken inside. She suffered from.a lot of emotional issues and PTSD from a past abusive relationship. I met her a couple years ago and so quickly we became very good friends. We shared a lot of the same pain and we just really got each other. Recently in the last year she went into rehab for alcohol addiction and PTSD. I went from seeing her at least once a month to once every couple months. Before she left I always hugged her tight and told her how much I loved her. The last time I saw her was January 29th. She was moving to North Carolina for rehab and I hugged her so tight and we cried because we were going to miss each other so much. For a couple months I didn't hear from her and I tried reaching out but never heard back. Just a week ago I had a weird feeling so I text her and I told her how much I loved her and missed her and she never answered again. Then this morning a mutual friend told me she killed herself last night. I dont even know what to do with myself. I can't stop crying. Im never going to see or hear from her again.

[LisaAnn20]

I send you my deepest and dearest condolences!🙏

[Sunflowerxxxxxx]

So sad so sorry to hear you about the loss of your friend, hope you have got someone there for you big hug x

[WreckItMeg25]

From the bottom of my heart I am so very sorry. I lost my best friend at 15 to suicide. The pain was excruciating. Please keep talking here or with friends/family. Your friend wouldn't want you to bottle it all up.

[Hidden in reply to WreckItMeg25]

I'm just so completely devastated..

[Agora1]

Dearest Pumpkin14, my sincerest sympathy on your loss. x

[Elliott_Woods]

I'm so sorry for the loss ♥️ sending you love! Hope you find peace during this. Big hug! Hold onto good memories ♥️

[Cb1963]

I feel your pain, and trying to understand why this has happened you'll never know why,my friend didn't even have any problems that I knew about, and i went downstairs and found him hanging, it left my life in tatters, I became an alcoholic, and i couldn't function,but after seeking counselling, and trying to understand that nothing I could have done would have changed that day,I still live with a guilt, and always will,its part of who I am,I know longer drink as I know that it will cause depression for me,and would bring on bouts of PTSD, which I suffered from with another incident, as well as the health problems, suicide is a taboo subject, and for those left behind we are the ones asking the questions, but never find the answers, I am truly sorry for the loss of your friend.

[Hidden in reply to Cb1963]

Thank you. This is the first time in my life that I have lost someone really close to me. When I was a kid, my grandparents passed, but I was so young that I barely knew them. I can't even hear or see her name, or think about it without crying. I always felt worried about her because I knew everything she went through. Especially recently I just had a feeling and I needed to reach out.. but she never answered and now I know why. I too feel so much guilt and I know there was nothing I could do if this was the decision she made. All I wanted to do was help her and I feel like I failed her. I'm just so devastated and I don't know what to do with myself anymore.

[Hidden]

Thank you. This is the first time I've ever really dealt with losing someone really close and I'm not good at handling it at all. I'm so devastated.

[Hidden]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Ik what it's like to lose a friend to suicide, my friend called me before he hung himself, so that I would be the one to find him. As much as it hurts now, just remember your friend is at peace now. Her suffering and pain is forever over. Focus on all the happy times you spent with her. I wish you peace and irie vibrations from here on out. Stay strong, one love.🖤

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you.

This is the first time I have experienced the loss of a good/ close friend from suicide. I don't even know how to handle it or deal with my feelings. I just always wanted her to be happy. She was such a special person to me. I had no idea it was this bad.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I'm sorry, the best way to handle it I think would be to talk about your feelings with someone and remember you love her and want her happy. Well even though it's sad, she is happy now her burden has been lifted. I'm here if you need someone to talk to.

[Hidden]

So sad. I had a best friend do it about a year ago. At least they are free from their suffering. It took a while for me to stop thinking about it everyday. It was a huge shock at first and it hurt a lot.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

That's how I'm feeling right now.

I'm just completely devastated and I feel sick. I feel guilt for not reaching out to her more.. I just never knew that how she felt inside was as bad as it was. She never showed it.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

We gave what we could to them. My friend and I were like brothers as kids and I loved him and he knew that. We grew apart as adults because of my crippling depression/anxiety. I shut everybody out of my life. I always look back and smile when I think about those memories as kids though. I dont even feel sad about it anymore because i loved him when I could and I'm grateful for getting to meet him. Maybe down the road you will get there too but it can take time.

[Freedom57]

I hope you find some peace within yourself knowing you did in fact reach out to your friend by texting her saying how much you loved & missed her💕

I’m very sorry for your loss & devastating pain. Keep reaching out for support during this most difficult time🙏🏽

[Hidden]

My favorite uncle committed suicide about 6 years ago. My mom- his sister- and me, we knew he was struggling and we tried to show him some depression support groups that we knew in the area, and we tried to talk to him and be there for him. Him and my Aunt were having serious issues between them, they were both considering divorce. She found him hanging in their garage. When someone does this, the hard thing is you wonder what could I have said or done to stop them from doing it? And sometimes you may have done all you could do. At least you tried to be a good friend. Without your friendship, they might have done this many years ago. I'm really sorry, grief is a process and.....not quite sure what else to say. I feel your pain.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I'm so sorry for your loss, that must have been so hard for you. 🙁

And thank you.. this is what I'm having a hard time realizing. That no matter what I could have done, she made her decision. It makes me so sad that someone who was so wonderful with so much potential felt the need to just end it all.. I guess I just never knew how deeply she was hurting.

[Hidden]

Sometimes there are grief and loss groups that meet at certain churches or other places, that might be helpful for you to try to go to one. My uncle was really a great person, he loved to tell crazy jokes and he was also my godfather. I have to say that because of all the stuff going on between him and my aunt, I have some hard feelings towards her and I don't talk to her too much anymore. I wouldn't say it's her fault he did that, but because of some stuff my mom and I know, I'm somewhat pissed off with her. And I don't believe he was getting the help he needed. He was starting to see a therapist but I don't think he liked who he saw that much. Thank you for caring, I know this is so hard to deal with. I'm sure this person appreciated your friendship. It's good that you have some people opening up on here about it because it is hard to talk about and deal with.