I come over to my ex wife’s as we were going to eat dinner with our daughters. They of course live there. 17 and 19. I get there before they get home and my ex is at the store. They come in barely say hello and don’t even come in to show their face before going to their bedrooms. I’m left alone in the living room of the house I worked so hard on for 19 years and lost and I’m lonely and feel isolated.
I felt so alone this weekend as it was. I have no idea how to get my life together. I’m turning to my ex wife because she has been the only real support that I can talk this honest with but she said she is now getting tired of me. I have therapist I have phone consultation once a week but it’s not enough.
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No I dont think you are being too sensitive. I think it was rude that the girls barely acknowledged your presence. Is there a group of some kind that you might join? Sometimes bigger churches have support groups for divorced people, or maybe a group for people with depression? If not, maybe some kind of fun volunteer work? Sometimes when we force ourselves to reach out and help someone, we feel better.
Dont give up, you will find a friend or a group. You can do this it just takes time. Believe in yourself. You’ve been wounded and you must believe this doesnt define you.
It’s funny I’m being told by my ex to reconnect with my friends but my friends were never close and men especially don’t want to talk much about serious feelings and struggles. I have always been able to talk with women better and when you are a single man they all tend to think you want to get with them so to speak. After dating so much after my divorce and a year long intense relationship I truly just want a friend. That is hard to find I agree.
Feel free to message me. You can talk about feelings with me. And yes I agree men don’t want to talk about feelings or struggles and I think that is a major problem in society. Communication and expression is very important. I wish that would change; it would make better men and better relationships.
I don't think you are being too sensitive. 17 and 19 year old girls are all about themselves. In my opinion and experience, it's not even about you when it comes to your daughters. I thought back to myself at that age and realized I was so selfish and inconsiderate to my parents. I have a 25 year old son with a 22 year old fiance and they are only into themselves. I was so hurt yesterday by something my son did, and then I thought it through and realized he is very selfish and self-centered at this time in his life. I didn't raise him that way, but if it doesn't concern him, he could care less. She is the same way and I know it is their age. I let him know that what he did hurt my feelings and then he tried to tell me I shouldn't feel that way. I just let it go. I might as well talk to the wall. This interaction reinforced my need to turn to people my own age with mental health issues like myself for my support. My therapist explained that it is even unhealthy for me to try to get my needs met from my children. Yeah, it hurts that he doesn't seem to care about me, but I sought out support groups yesterday and found this one. These are people who can relate to what I am going through - not my 2 sons - one married and one engaged to be married - who do not suffer with depression or anxiety. They do not have any experience to share. Only people who have experienced mental illness can truly understand me and that's where I am going for my support. We all need people. I just have to choose which people more wisely. I hope this helps. As far as your wife goes, maybe a divorce support group. I don't know the details, but during my divorce, I tried to get my husband to talk to me to no avail and realized that was the reason I was leaving him - he lacked basic communication skills. So again, I turned to therapy first, then to people who were going through the same thing. I am blessed because I am an Adult Child of a violent, abusive Alcoholic father and joined Al-Anon, an anonymous fellowship for family and friends of Alcoholics. I am a grateful member for 19 years now and they were a huge part of my support.
Thank you for the detailed reply. My ex tells me the same that they are just teens and are self centered. It still hurts and I feel
like an outcast. What you are saying makes sense though and I know I shouldn’t let it get to me. I have always let things bother me more than I should.
I watched a youtube video on Sensitive People and I am one of them and after listening to this woman explain her sensitivity, I don't want to change. I care about people and I care a lot and that's what makes me special. I can't find the one I watched but here's one I just googled - I didn't watch the whole thing, but what I heard sounds good -- The gentle power of highly sensitive people | Elena Herdieckerhoff | TEDxIHEParis -- youtube.com/watch?v=pi4JOlM... -- Here is also one with a Therapist talking about Sensitive People - I did not have time to listen to her, but here's the link -- The Highly Sensitive Person: An Interview with Elaine Aron -- youtube.com/watch?v=6Dezjki... -- Enjoy!
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