what am I supposed to do (Trigger Warning)

[Dolphfan47]

Ny story is ongoing but the latest is about 7-8 months ago my husband decided he needed yet another woman to move in only to teach woman number 2 a lesson because of the way she came into the relationship. Anyways woman number 3 does not have anything to do with me on a sexual level she does with the other two. So she feels that she can treat me like crap like I don’t exist. Woman number 3 has the lights on but no one’s home if you know what I mean.. Whenever we go out she is constantly up my husbands butt.. Woman number 2 and I have brought this up to him several times we have told him this needs to stop. Like going out to dinner woman number 3 dictates where everyone is going to sit and she always makes sure she is right there next to my husband.. tonight we went to our local cider bar we were outside and of course she was right there next to my husband I was drinking and watching the kids so it was whatever after we left we went to the restaurant I had to take my son to the bathroom so I didn’t get a chance to say anything about where I wanted to sit so when I come out of the bathroom there she was sitting right next to him and of course he made sure he had woman number 2 on his other side. I am so sick and tired of feeling like I am no one especially to this flipping nimrod.. she is ruining our relationship and all he does is defends her and it makes me sick. But he has no feelings for her she’s just there for the money because he is afraid that I’m gonna have a bipolar moment and leave and majority is to teach woman number 2 a lesson.. I am at a loss I don’t know how to handle this anymore. Going to him anymore he threatens a divorce which really using to bad but I don’t him leaving me for two wh****. I was there for him when he was trying to get his life back on track after he got out of jail I accepted him for everything and now I’m getting treated like this.. like really he treats woman number 2 like she is his wife and I’m the one who came into their relationship instead the other way around.. sometimes I wish I never met him the only good thing that I got out of him was my son.. But I’m at a serious loss on how to handle the situation with this third girl she thinks she runs the show and very soon someone is gonna flip their lid and loose their cool and since I’m bipolar most likely it will be me I’m just trying to figure out on how to handle this!! Before you say leave him it’s easier said then done first of all I have no contact with family and limited resources in my State plus he uses my mental health against me so I’m not going to leave my son to be raised by two wh****and a jerk.

[Agora1]

Dolphfan47, my heart always goes out to you, the first wife. Your situation sounds like

an episode of Sister Wives which I watched every week. I wondered where their lives

would go. As the show started to wind down, it became clearer that the husband started

being left behind. One by one, the women lost interest in him, as his true feelings became

more prevalent. I can't imagine the heartbreak in sharing your partner. You seem to be

stuck between a rock and a hard place but hopefully you have a roof over your head and

a full tummy for you and your son.

Life doesn't always give us the answers when we feel we need it the most.

I hope you continue to come to us to vent and get some comfort.

You know we care. Stay Safe. My thoughts are with you xx

[Tracey0101 in reply to Agora1]

Yes it's a horrible situation to be in for you and I feel for you. I haven't shared a woman in my situation but I was in a situation with my 2nd husband he was drinking and he didn't take care of me or my young son and I was really mentally ill and it was me that I lost my cool as I also have bipolar symptoms and I have autism and learning disabilities and ptsd psychosis depression and anxiety disorder and I couldn't handle him anymore so I left him in 2020 but it cost me my son going into foster care as my son needed extra help and support for his autism adhd and learning disabilities and anxiety issues and his dad when I was really ill didn't care a toss about my son he took all his routines away and the boundaries we put in place for my son and he was all over the place out of control no bedtime routines his dad said that he didn't need any routines or order and boundaries and I lost it with him he wouldn't listen to me he said that you are not taking care of him anymore I am you don't care I fumed at him every child needs routines and boundaries whether they are autistic or not you have ruined the routines he had that was going really well and he made me so very angry just changing all my son routines and boundaries and said that I had nothing to do with him anymore but that wasn't true my son means the world to me and me and my son has a very strong bond with each other and he has said to me that when he's old enough to leave foster care he will come to me and he said that he wants to take care of me. This touched the professionals hearts when he said this to them and the first thing he said when he went into foster care is when am I going to see my mummy. We did see each other and he drew me a big picture and the words on this big paper was I love you so much love from Matthew with lots and lots of kisses bless his heart and said that he misses me so much on a mother day card and lots of other pictures and cards with the unconditional love from my son and me to him. From the start when he was a baby and toddler and growing up to infant and junior he was always so close to me as I was very close to him too. He is a very special young lad. I understood him much more than his dad and I was very patient with my son and his dad wasn't very patient with him or me and I did so much with Matthew my son and that's why I got mentally ill because I was almost doing it all for my son.

[Tracey0101 in reply to Tracey0101]

My son is now 14yrs old and a lovely caring young lad I have always willing to help me without being asked to help me before I ask for help he's already there doing it he knows what I need help with before I ask for help. He never talks about his dad. Only when he was wanting to know some answers from me. I told him them and he has now accepted it. He is a miracle as I was told that I had 50/50 chance of getting pregnant and carrying full term I ended having a c section when I had him. It was like a dream having a baby and I couldn't believe this miracle baby was coming into my life and my life would never be the same again despite of him being autistic and adhd and learning disabilities and global development delay and some other conditions he is who he is and the conditions doesn't define who he really is he is a human being and he is unique and has a good sense of humour and he is strong despite of his struggles. We all have struggles. I have autism adhd and learning disabilities and Cerebral palsy and a lot of other conditions but I am not define by what I can and cannot do or say its not just about that my life is much more valued than these conditions I am who I am and not what others think of me or say about me it's much more than that. I can do things maybe take me longer but it doesn't matter how long they take me there is no rush for me to do certain things as long as I not doing something by time limits its no rush whatsoever.

[Tracey0101]

I understand how this situation is for you

[Cb1963]

I'm struggling to get my head around this " situation " boy your husband has really got everything he wants eh, this so called open type of relationship is extremely damaging, firstly you shouldn't be in this toxic environment, it's like some sort of game and nobody knows the rules, except this is real life, he's playing every single one of you!!!Myself personally I'd get out and leave him, I can't imagine how difficult this whole setup is even working.

I'm a man and wouldn't want to have other women involved in a second hand or third party involvement , one woman is more than enough, perhaps this type of thing suits his other women, but surely you've got to see he's using you, and the other women, I can't imagine how this whole process got up and running, were you blackmailed, or perhaps its been his " fantasy " to have his harem of women beckoning to his wants and demands, until one of you starts to make decisions I can't see any way out, it's not healthy having this lifestyle, he's playing you, time to call an end to his " fun and games " he's got all of you at his mercy, I'm sorry I can't tell you how to live your life, but this is wrong on so many levels, I really hope you can summons up the courage and leave as soon as possible, best of luck!!!

[hypercat54]

Its not the other women who are the main problem - it is your husband. How any woman can stand this situation is way beyond me.

I would have run a mile and kept on running the first time he tried to introduce a 2nd woman into your relationship.

Your husband not only wants his cake but he wants to eat it all to satisfy his giant ego. Kick him into touch and regain your power and self respect is my advice.

[-Charlie]

As a mom of three sons, I would have been worried about the message I was sending my kids, especially at a vulnerable age. Your situation is not teaching your son to respect you nor is it teaching him to respect his future relationships. He’ll end up just like your husband as that will be all he knows. You could still change that outcome before it’s too late.

I’d get in touch with a lawyer (or at least my local legal aid department) and make a plan to separate yourself and your son from that environment. I would have pitched a tent at a local park (with my kids) before I allowed a 2nd woman to come into my home, but that’s just me. I guess everyone has different viewpoints.

Look again into state and federal benefits. I know women with kids who purposely aren’t married because they are the one group the US government provides somewhat generously and consistently for until the child turns 18. You might not be living in luxury but you’ll have your dignity.

Wishing you strength and clarity for the sake of your son and a future that will allow you to love and respect yourself.

[Tracey0101]

I agree with that I wouldn't stay I would get some help from professionals especially you have to think about your son being in the situation and how it's effecting him as well it's not healthy for you either I would want to leave the home with my son from this situation soon as it happened you don't have to stay your husband knows that he's getting to you by you staying as he's winning you over and he knows you are putting up with it and not saying anything about it but its so wrong it's got you round his little finger and one day you are going to flip and its going to be much more harder the longer you put up with what he is using you for. This is not how husband and wife and with a child supposed to be and live like. You got to speak out for your respect and especially for your child sakes and ig you love and care so much for your child then get help for your child and yourself start getting legal advice and help you shouldn't put up with this any longer you need to leave ASAP for your child and yourself and start anew life.

[Tracey0101]

It will be for the best

[Stilltrying2]

Hello Dolphfan47,

I am so sorry for what you are going through. No one enters a marriage thinking they are going to wind up in an unbearable situation. I know that you don’t see a way out, but no one should be treated the way you are being treated.

[Tracey0101]

Don't let your husband win you over and treat you like this and do the best and right thing for you and your son. You can win your self respect back and take control because you know you deserve better than that and your son deserves you. He deserves better life than living like this he needs you and he needs you to act on what is best so that you and your son will begin to have a better chance in life we owe to our children I left my husband because I didn't my son in a relationship where it was not good for him and myself and now my son and myself is better than it was. I am so glad for what I did 4yrs ago because I was in abusive relationship and I didn't want my son in this situation and being effected by my husband behaviour and drinking and abusive towards me etc etc. It was the best thing I did for my son but the very hardest and difficult thing to do.

[Tracey0101]

It takes strength and bravery to get in control of a bad relationship but I know now that I did the best thing for me and my son and I am now separated from my husband and my son I have a very strong bond with my son and I don't have any contact with my husband which is my sons dad. It costs me everything and it was worth it for my sons sake the most of all. I did it because I needed to protect my son from his dad and I needed to protect myself from my husband and now I feel free from him. We don't always know what strength we have until we have to do something that takes strength and effort and it takes work and energy and then we relized we are stronger than we think and feel and the only limit is ourselves. Until we do something that takes all our strength and effort especially if we love and care about someone who we need to protect like our children or someone who we really love and care about and we need to protect someone in our lives who deserves us to speak loud and outwards and not allowing someone like our friends or relationships to take control of our lives to destroy those we love and care about we will then act on for them because we fight for them on behalf of them and will not give grounds on them no matter what they say or do we will not give up on them we will win the fight against them and ourselves.

[Tracey0101]

This is why we get into some storms of life because sometimes it's about making new changes and decisions and how to get out of the situation we are in at the moment so it could be we are in a bad relationship and we are very unhappy with our life the way it is and we don't know what to do how to get out from here so we are in a war against it and we don't know what way to turn and we want to get out from here but we don't know how to get out from this so until we get out of this situation we will be in the miry clay stuck in it and can't find a way out and really struggling getting nowhere with it and this is why sometimes why we get in struggles to learn a lesson in life from mistakes we make that was wrong choices but how to climb out from them to make better choices and decisions so we feel happier in our lives and situations and circumstances and we get more confidence moving towards and taking control of our lives and taking responsibility for ourselves.

[Dolphfan47 in reply to Tracey0101]

I appreciate your comments and I am working on a plan to figure something out for me and my son.. right now I am waiting for him to go back to work hopefully soon so I can do more of my research it’s hard when he’s around and breathing down my neck.. I mean getting on here and posting I take a chance.. I would have to make phone calls and that where it gets tricky.. I will have to figure something out..

[Tracey0101]

Very difficult situation you are in I feel for you and your son and this must be so hard and I wouldn't know how to handle it I probably eventually do the same as you eventually loose my cool as I have bad meltdowns I have autism, adhd and learning disabilities plus bipolar and schizophrenia and other mental illness etc. I don't want to say that it would be you because you will only can take so much because of bipolar we can only handle so much but eventually we loose our call. Very sad and horrible for you to go through. My husband use to threaten me with divorce a lot because he would accused me for my family members even though they wasn't doing anything wrong it was husband doing the wrong not my family the good thing I got out of my marriage was I got a son from him but in the first lock down me and him split up and I in the process of the divorce halfway in it now in January I will be in the final process.