Am I too much?

Hey.. just some thoughts I have late at night so just going to put them out here and see if that helps me sleep.

In life I’ve been betrayed and let down a lot by my family. As a child, a teenager and an adult.

I’ve had to deal with a lot of silent treatments if I didn’t fit into their box.... I’m talking years of silence, loneliness and tears.

Fast forward to now....If I have a friend who I love I will put my absolute all into them! If they’re upset I will do everything to make them happy or to make sure they never feel alone. I will never ignore calls or texts because honestly the feeling of being ignored on purpose hurts too much. I find that when people are happy again or not in any trouble or have no problems... I’m completely forgotten... I feel kinda used by a friend.. and it’s hurting me. I’m happy that she’s okay now... but my god I’ve been holding her up for years... now she’ll be online but ignore texts because her other half is back (for now🙄 ⏰ ) . But then when she needs to pass time or when her other half goes away again she’ll blow up my phone again 😂 🤷🏻‍♀️

Before this I’ve had so many friends who will be there 24/7 when they have problems but when I’m happy or their problems end they stop. Am I basically a free therapist or something?

this is stupid I’ve ended up writing a whole novel here that nobody will read looool sorry 😐 x

[masa2333]

Omg I can relate to every word you just wrote! This is literally how my life has been! If you need to talk about it please know I’m here and you can message me!

And please note that you are NOT too much, you are JUST ENOUGH, you are worth it and you are a decent person! Only truly good person would do those genorous acts to someone else. Do not think of your problems as stupid, because they are not, they are very real and need some time to work on.

[Hidden in reply to masa2333]

Hello x well it’s lovely to meet another GOOD friend out there in the world lol x seriously starting to think that I maybe push people away or something... not sure. But I cannot seem to keep friends

[masa2333 in reply to Hidden]

You and me both. I feel like they get bored of me, or like everyone else already has a group of their own and I’m not welcome anymore. And I didn’t seem to find another person who understands me or who is interested in talking about all the stuff I want to talk about. I don’t know about you, but all the girls I know only do gossiping and I find it toxic. I’m not a Saint but I just feel like there are a lot more interesting stuff to talk about rather than talking about someone behind their back! I love to talk about books, psychology, philosophy, movies etc... And then it seems like I can’t find a place for myself in this world. I’ve been friends with some girls for years and years and they just cut me off of their life...with no logical reason.

[Hidden in reply to masa2333]

Yes I feel the same. I’m trying to train myself to just be happy with what I have (which is a lot to be grateful for honestly) and to not place too much importance on ‘friends’

If they’re there that’s fine . But I’m not going to put all my energy in them anymore.. we all have other things in life jobs, hobbies, families, pets, this forum. There’s no need to drop everything for one human.

So basically I’ve backed off . I will answer my phone only if I’m free and I want to. I won’t be afraid to be the first one to say I have to go and won’t just wait for them to say bye like I usually do (I never want others to feel like I’m abandoning them) and that’s it.

If they’re not there then that’s fine too they’re not my WHOLE life .. just one part of it .

I’ve started doing it this whole week and I feel so much lighter. My friend was taking up so many hours of my day talking about her problems and mot doing anything about it. And my day was spent listening non stop everyday on repeat.

[JEG325]

Not only aren't you too much. But, you are a sweet, loving person that I was drawn to from the beginning. If I am one of those that treated you that way, I am trully sorry. As a person who gets treated that way alot, I can also completely sympathize. Look, you know how to pm me and you can talk to me whenever you want. I have chatlines you can join where people will talk to you on a regular basis. There's no need to be lonely or feel left out while I am here. Say the word and I'll add you to as many chatlines as you want. And Hope you are one of the best people out there. Since I have impeccable taste in those I count as 'real' people + my friends, you rank really high in my world. I can pm you too. Just to say hi. Let me know what I can do to make things better. Okay? Have a blessed day, my friend!

[Hidden in reply to JEG325]

Aww ☹️ that’s so lovely of you to say and it really made me smile ! I was starting to think I’m an awful friend that everyone gives up on .

Oh no it’s absolutely not about my friends on here at all! Everyone here is so so lovely and you all always cheer me up !

I know you all are always here for me and I’m honestly so grateful for every replies and messages here !

Lots of love to you and lovely Sue!

[Eowyn7]

Friendships are able to sustain themselves with a certain amount of imbalance. It won't always be 100% equal. Life gets in the way of that.

I suggest backing off just a little bit. If your friend is acting this way they may appreciate a little space. That way things can realign themselves and you won't feel resentful for putting in more effort than they have. It is definitely a hard thing to do when you just want to be closer to someone, not farther, but forcing things makes it worse, in my experience.

[Hidden in reply to Eowyn7]

Thanks !

Yeah I’m busy in my own life too studying, married and family, so I don’t always have time to text or talk either. So I’m not texting away or anything and have completely backed off. I didn’t answer her call today either because maybe I shouldn’t drop everything and go out of my way to be available all the time too.

I would just like to be acknowledged when they don’t have problems... just a ‘hi’ or ‘ how are you’ . Not just when they’re upset then I suppose I wouldn’t feel used .

Im really happy for her that she’s happy and has no problems .

That’s all I’ve ever wanted for her... happiness and love .

[Eowyn7 in reply to Hidden]

She sounds self-absorbed, at least at the moment. I agree with you, you don't always have to be "on-call" for her. I hope she comes to her senses.

As hard as it is I would not take it personally. You sound like a great friend!!

[Hidden in reply to Eowyn7]

She isn’t a bad person and is going through a lot right now too. I suppose I just need to back off and be a little more patient x

[bridder01]

You know my door is always open for you Hope. I'll be your friend for as long you want me to be. Besides, you already paid for my services, so no takebacks lol

Your pal,

Brian

[Hidden in reply to bridder01]

Haha damnit you’re one of the sweetest friends I have and you’re a pay as you go friend!!!!! 😂

Hope x

[Hidden]

Hey love, some people don't deserve that title 'friend' it doesn't matter how many years we've known them. You're not too much 😛😙🌻 that friend is a jerk

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Danielle x

I dunno honestly I’ve just backed off . Getting on with my own life x I’m not always being readily available 24/7 anymore either x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Remember you have all of us too 😙💛💛

[JEG325 in reply to Hidden]

Same goes for you, D!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

💕

[JEG325 in reply to Hidden]

Hugs and well wishes to you too, my special friend!

[Hidden in reply to JEG325]

And to you too

[JEG325 in reply to Hidden]

Enjoy your day. YOu dserve as much happiness as a peson can have, my friend!

[Hidden in reply to JEG325]

How was your day

[fauxartist]

okay.... I'm speaking from my experience....so this is not me analyzing, just observations.....When we are emotionally abandon by our caregivers, family, etc. we naturally are very hurt by that, and often when we are young we think it's because we did something wrong, or it's our fault somehow. No...you were being manipulated and controlled which is not love. It's wrong..... and as adults....we tend to be very loyal friends, and we give our all....too much often to emotionally unavailable people who are not capable of returning this love we give. We are repeating our childhood because we haven't quite come to grips with that pain yet and understood we were not at fault.....we are lovable and deserve better. There are givers and takers, and it's hard to find balance in this emotionally unavailable society that has become desensitized by being glued to their cell phones and computers. But by setting boundaries....getting rid of these toxic one sided relationships and seeing them for what they really are.....stop chasing the carrot with those that cannot give back. Learn everything you can about emotional abandonment and find out how to stop repeating this pattern.....you will be amazed at how empowered you will become......I believe we should get what we give.....and we can give freely to those in need and be selfless.....but don't give so much of ourselves that we have nothing left to care for ourselves. Friends should be there for you as well.

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

Hello Faux , so lovely to see your posts again x

I’m so grateful for your advice especially since it’s from your experience. I do agree with everything you said and it feels like a big weight off me knowing that someone out there (you) understands completely what I mean...

so thank you so much x do you mind if I screenshot this so I remember it every time I fall again lol x

[fauxartist in reply to Hidden]

not at all my friend.

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

Thanks x

[Hidden]

I've had so many friends walk from me and all I did was help them. It's good that you were there for them, shows what a wonderful person you are,,,you would never want to be like them...I love you bunches and bunches and I'm here for you...pm me if you'd like...again I care about you!!!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I’m sorry you had to go through that . I suppose they didn’t deserve such a lovely friend like you that’s why they have gone x remember you have so many good friends here and we’re always here for you x

Love you bunches too! 💐

I cannot wait until I can PM again! At the moment my time is filled with exams, studying, husband and some family x So once the studying calms down I can enjoy pm’ing again hopefully!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

You do what you have to do..I so understand...I'll be waiting...please know how much you mean to me.

Dump trucks of love, peace, light, joy & hugs just for you!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for understanding! Xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

You'll never know what a pleasure it is for me to be here for you.....I love you so much and we've never met, doesn't matter to me...I have a connection with you! Love, peace, light, joy & hugs!!!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Mama anxiety, what’s up??? Where you been hiding? I miss & love you!!!! Xoxoxo

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Aw Kayla I've just been laying low..you have never ever left my heart...I sure hope you are in a happy place! Dump trucks of love, peace, light ,joy & hugs for you and baby!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

(Hugs) 💕

[JEG325 in reply to Hidden]

I was one of those people, wasn't I? I don't suppose I could have a second chance, could I? I'm so sorry and such a jerk too. I'll even beg. Pretty please? I promise to return all the dump trucks I took too. You are way too nice of a person to ever be treated wrong by anyone! Hope you can forgive me!!

[Hidden in reply to JEG325]

Of course I forgive you...it would be so wrong of me if I didn't. Is there any chance you could give me a call right now? Love, peace, light, joy & hugs for you!

[JEG325 in reply to Hidden]

Lisa, when I stepped outside to help Sue, my reception died immediately. My phone is internet driven and needs a constant signal to work. I loved talking to you and am glad we're friends again. Life is too short to lose the good friends we make. You are near the top of that list! A 100 kazillion hugs, well wishes and loving vibes. I can't promise that I won't ever be a jerk again but, I do promise to work harder at trying not to be like that. Have a blessed evening, my special, special friend!

[Hidden]

First of all, never apologize for writing so much! We all love you & want to be here for you. I completely understand where you’re coming from. I’m the same way as you. That’s exactly & I do EXACTLY mean what I’ve been through. My daddy was the only one that would pick up the phone just a few short years ago, & that devastated me, because all I wanted was to talk to my mama. I’m here for you. Xoxoxo

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Aww thanks x 💕

I’m so happy you have got your mama back x I do hope you’re resting and smiling and not stressing?

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I am trying, honey! You’re getting to know me too well, huh???? How are you doing today? Are you feeling better after venting???? Xoxoxo

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I sure am! I’m glad you’re trying!

I’m good . I had a good day thankfully. Spent it with my mum and sister shopping . Was good and not awkward lol.

[Sadandalone627]

I'm going to similar situation. Not everyone will receipocte the same way you do. It hurts me too. But if they are showing me who they are, the best we can do is to accept that's who they are and they are not worth your time and effort.