I don’t know how to feel

[BrownEyesBlue]

As you know I’ve been having a really hard time lately. My sister and her children attacked me personally and it was a really traumatic experience for me. My nephews girlfriend worked for my Dad as a home care worker. She kept asking for time off and being unreasonable and as a result she left the job. They all felt she should have gotten better treatment because she was “family”.

After this latest incident I haven’t spoken to my sister or her family. I’ve worked with my nephews girlfriend recently and I’m staying civil.

She constantly brings up my family and how they are “with her”. It hurts.

It was her daughters birthday. I obviously wasn’t going to attend. My other sister also has issues with her as she’s attacked my sisters reputation as well.

I’m extremely upset that my brothers and their wives attended. I feel alone and unsupported. I don’t have anyone. My Dads bed ridden. My other sister is sticking by me but it still hurts. So much. And I know it hurts her as well.

I know it’s not fair to expect them to pick sides. I know she’s their sister too. But they come here and talk about them and now I’m paranoid they talk about me with her.

Do I have a right to be hurt? I support them when they need it. But it seems like I’m just alone.

And I don’t want to divulge anything else to them anymore.

Help. I’m spiralling and I don’t want to keep going on like this……

[Sabbath1]

If they talk about that sister to you, unfortunately I'm gonna guess they do the same about you with that sister. Not much you can do other than just don't talk negatively about that sister to the siblings you know are still hanging around her and whatnot.

Sorry you're going through this.

[BrownEyesBlue in reply to Sabbath1]

Thank you. It really hurts. I feel like I have no support at all.

[pump321 in reply to BrownEyesBlue]

I really feel for you going through all this trauma with your family and your poor Dad bedridden which is such a worrying time for you just on it's own. Families are the most difficult people to handle and can sometimes make us suffer so much. I wish I could offer you some help. I have also had to handle difficult situations like this over the years with my husbands family. After many years they realised it was my Mother in Law who had caused all the unhappiness and hurt but I suffered for so long. I stayed silent and was terribly hurt by way I was treated. I think it's best just to get on with life as best you can. I know it's not easy. It really does hurt and plays on your mind however hard you try not to let it. Over the years it became easier but I'll never forget the way I was treated. I just felt I would get in touch with you to say how sorry I am you are going through this. I understand completely how you must be feeling. Be strong and try and rise above it all as best you can however hurt you are. It's hard but you will get there in the end I'm sure.

[BrownEyesBlue in reply to pump321]

Thank you so much xoxo

[fauxartist]

I can understand you being hurt, and the gf obviously is button pushing, that's sick and cruel. So if your family has an issue, it should be with her and her irresponsibility and taking advantage of being family to not do her job. Your going to have to protect your heart till or if this changes. But sometimes things in family's don't change, and it becomes a pattern. Just because someone is family does not mean you have to accept or like what they do, and if it's causing you emotional harm... you need to take care of you... that's hard, and it's painful, but staying away from the source of harm sometimes gives us unexpected perceptions of people that we couldn't see before, and that can help us cope

[BrownEyesBlue in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you. I’m really hurt.

[fauxartist in reply to BrownEyesBlue]

I'm sorry... anyone who has had a broken heart knows the pain, but your pain is our pain and it is valid. It takes soooooo long to sort grief out, but it's definitely a process. We want the hole in the middle to be filled, and sometimes instead of filling that hole with the next substitute for healing, we just continue with that process of quick fixes until the open wound will eventually resurface again. We just want to feel better, even if for just a moment.

I have suffered, and I have tried to fill that empty hole in the middle of me with work, booze, unhealthy relationships, and denial. None of it works... for decades I have found myself learning what works and what does not. The honest answer is time... knowledge is power,.. and acceptance allows us to let go and let live... it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. Accepting that some people just don't have it in them to give the love you would expect or want from them...whether it's from a parent, a close friend, or in a relationship. Until then keep sharing, even the process of writing it down helps to take the power out of the pain just a little bit more.

I found a grief group and also a letting go group helped me a lot.