NDE

[Cloud81]

I have a story to tell and I hope to get some advice on. 1st and foremost Im really bad at writing so all the grammar police don't come at me.

On just 12th 2019 I died 2 times once at home And once at the hospital all due to a blood/Brain infection from my hydrocephalus. I was in the ICU for 37 days. In those 37 days include 3 brain surgery one of which I woke up in the middle of the operation. This was the longest hospital stay I have ever been in and the most serious. From the time I came home I have not been unable to sleep In my own bed/room I slept on the sofa for 5 months . I didn't feel comfortable in my own place because I can see what happened to me. I had a near death experience at home where I died and can see my lifeless body and the pain of knowing my child in the next room and have no idea whatsoever that I'm dead. That was just the first. The second one happened at the hospital when. I was rush to the OR I kept telling the drs that I was going to go visit my mom for a little while but they didn't believe me. They thought it was part of the infection in my brain that was causing me to talk the way I was talking. Slur speech confusion stutter voice of a 3 year old not recognizing my own dr. He rush me into surgery and when I came to there was several nurses and doctors in my room. I was still pretty out of it but my Dr said these words to me (we almost lost you, you was gone for a little while welcome back) hearing those words was confirmation that I had died again. Which I knew was going to happen because my mom told me it was. ( Side note my mom pass away when I was 9) when I died the 1st time my mom was there talking to me and telling me what I need to do to survive. She also told me that she will see me again and she did. My issue is that. Once I got home I couldn't go to my room I kept seeing what happened that night so fast forward 5 months my daughter and I moved into a new place. Moving along 2 months later I'm having dreams after dream after dream of my death/ near death experience I wake up in sweats I wake up in tears I wake up screaming. There are times when I'm to scared to try and sleep the fear of not waking up at all is my new anxiety I'm not sure what to do. I have to sleep I have to rest I have a child who depending on me. I'm not giving up I just need better option/suggestions/help/advice

The cause of my brain infection was a hair follicle that got into my brain and infected my shunt then my blood and brain. What I have there NO CURE just pain meds and surgery. I developed this when I was 16 and I'm 39 now with 8 stomach 2 lungs and 10 brain surgery under my belt all due to hydrocephalus.

So many people keep telling me I'm strong and I tend to not believe it. I just keep fighting for daughter that what I tell myself I do it for my daughter.

Having this have change my life in so many ways

Haven't work since I was 20 😡

Been on disability since 16 😡

Been on low income all my life😞😩

No car/license 😡

Been in wayyyyyyyy to many hospital/Dr office

Being a single parent is hard enough but being a single parent with health issue is even harder. Not having family or any friends is harder. I want to work I want to provide a better life for me and my child I just need 1 person to give me a chance.

When I died the 1st time my mom told me I was going to come back and to take care of my child and do great things. So im bless enough to come back and believe you me I'm very thankful I don't want this second chance to be wasted I want to accomplish something I want to make my child proud and be proud of myself. With lack of support and friendship and encouragement I do t know what to do or how to do it for that matter.

I know I have ramble on and on so please forgive me my thoughts are always all over the place. If you have anything to say please feel free to message me thank you so sorry for the long post😞😭

[Stilltrying_]

Wow you have such a lot to deal with. I am truly sorry that you have had to go through all of this.

Sometimes it is so annoying when people keep telling you you are strong! You just want to be "weak" for a moment and accept help and support.

That is completely natural.

I hope it has helped a little writing it out.

Sending heaps of hugs,

Gemmalouise x

[Sprinkle1]

I feel sorry for the hell you have been put thru. I am sure there are places that can help you. Look in the front of your phone book, it lists all kind of services there, some have job training, some have social gathering to help people like you who are by yourself. Contact your local unemployment office and tell them your situation, (not all the details of course), that you want to work, have a disability and need help.

Talk to your people at the disability office, ask them for help. Do you have some skills? There used to be temporary job agencies that could send you out on a job, sometimes they can work into full time. I have done that in the past.. In your health condition I would start out slow, do part time work until you build up your strength.

Look in your local newspaper, they have job listings. All I can think of for now, will try to think of more. Please be good to yourself, I am so glad your Mother comes to guide you, and you have your lovely daughter. I wish you well, send you courage, strength, peace of mind, love and big hugs....Sprinkle 1.....

[Cloud81]

Thank you all for your kind words ❤️ I really appreciate it all. I will definitely look into seeking professional help. Having other to chat with is really helping me so I thank you all so much