Ex-boyfriend reappears

[sad_watermelon]

Long story short, I was in my first relationship for two years. We broke up, we decided to stay friends, but my boyfriend blocked me on social media out of nowhere. After three months of friendship, the second I left the country to go to university, I was blocked and he never texted me again. Now he started watching my social media from his other account and I don't know how to react to it.

Part of me is happy because that shows that he actually cares about me and it wasn't easy for him to let go, but part of me really wants him to text me and the friendship to come back, but I don't want to be the first one to text him because he was the one who blocked me, so I want him to make the move.

[Stella1910]

Watermelon - I can't speak for your situation but I've had that happen to me a few times over the years. My ex told mutual friends they couldn't believe I didn't try to find out why they ghosted me, almost like they were testing me. Oddly, me not reacting or sharing my hurt with our mutual friends made them realize how strong and self-confident I am - which is always attractive - and they started watching my social media to see 'what they missed out on or if I had moved on'. In my case, the sneaking around my accounts was to satisfy their needs not to reconnect so I never bothered to respond and they eventually quit. Again, I can't speak for your situation - so you do what you feel is best for you. I wish you the best of luck!

[sad_watermelon in reply to Stella1910]

Wow, I actually never thought of the fact that he probably did this to test me because, I won't lie to you, if my friends weren't there to stop me I would have texted him multiple times to try and find out why I was blocked. So thank you for sharing your experience.

In my case, I actually don't know what to do because I'm very lonely in university and I think this is playing a joke on me because of this loneliness I feel like I really do want this friendship to happen again, but my friends tell me that I shouldn't replay to him, text him, or whatever, so I guess I will just wait for the moment. Not forgetting all the bad things he did to me and how he mistreated me, but it's very hard when you're lonely and you feel like this friendship will change everything.

[Stella1910 in reply to sad_watermelon]

I understand, because since my husband passed in 2022 I find my loneliness sometimes causes me to befriend people that don't have my best interest at heart. I've had to find ways to meet new people, which can be hard when I'm not feeling 100%. I found volunteering helps me feel better about myself and I meet lots of people that give their time and energy to help others, which is always a good trait for a potential new friendship.

[Alpakka123]

Hello,As you know, I understand this tear in your thinking very much. On one hand you are flattered that he still cares, but on the other hand you are very upset and angry with him. You want him to make the first move because you want to know that he cares enough to try.

I saw my abuser on the bus today. Had my husband not been with me to act as a reminder that I don't want her in my life, I would probably have gone up to her. It is HARD.

I refer to my person as a bad person. If I remember correctly, you refer to this guy as a bad person in one of your posts. This tells me that he's been abusive, am I correct?

[sad_watermelon in reply to Alpakka123]

Yes, mentally. He was controlling and called me awful things

[Alpakka123 in reply to sad_watermelon]

Ok. My person was psychologically abusive as well.Let me ask you this: do you think he'll change if you go back to him?

[sad_watermelon in reply to Alpakka123]

I don’t know, that’s the problem. I think people don’t change, but if he wants to, he can change. If he wants me, he will change (I guess). The worst part is me telling myself « look, all he sees on social media and the fact that you post there, is something he hates, so he thinks you’re degraded after the breakup » so I blame myself, but I shouldn’t do it.

[Alpakka123 in reply to sad_watermelon]

I get this confusion very much. All too much, actually.All I can say is what I've been told by others about my person:

"That she is incapable of caring. That, if I go back to her, she will just pick up where she left off. That I am much better off without her".

Let me put it this way:

How did you feel when you were with him? And how do you feel without him?

(My answers are "like crap" to the first one, and "free to be myself" to the second one")

[sad_watermelon in reply to Alpakka123]

I felt loved, but I cried a lot, because he was hurting me. In the beginning it was amazing, but after a year and a half he started acting differently and that’s when I started bleeding mentally. Without him I feel more freedom, but I feel so alone at the same time.

[Alpakka123 in reply to sad_watermelon]

You felt incredibly loved, and then something changed. YES!! I get it.I get this loneliness. I've told my husband multiple times now that I feel lonely even though I have many people around me. As in, I feel empty inside without her. Even though I know logically that I'm so much better off and feel so much more relaxed, it's a very different story with the emotional and mental parts.

[Alpakka123 in reply to Alpakka123]

I've been told that this is how psychological abusers work. They love-bomb you. But then they change because they can't maintain the act.

[Alpakka123 in reply to sad_watermelon]

I just reread my comment about being flattered that he cares, and wanted to change that.Does he really care? Or is he just keeping tabs on you for controlling reasons?

[CLB1125]

Im afraid you will be setting yourself up for more disappointment and heartbreak if you start communicating with him again. Just my opinion.