Hi, I’m new here & struggling

[Sablegirl]

Hi, I don’t exactly know where to begin. I have depression, a lot of anxiety, ptsd... I’m a Mom of 3 but only one surviving child, my son. I had 2 girls, one I lost prematurely & one I got to raise (for awhile). She died by suicide at 15yrs, eight years ago now. I miss her so much. Wonder what her life might have been like now.

I really enjoyed well enjoy being a Mom. My son’s grown now & lives away. I find it so hard to push myself to get anything done & feel despair so much. Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble on...

[Hidden]

For your situation, I believe you must take medicine as you don't seem to have anyone to share with like me. Human is a social animal and most of the people affected with depression and anxiety are alone. You must consult a psychiatrist and get medicine at night time so that you have good sleep then things would be Ok. Also, try to offers you prayers etc this would give you comfort too. Exercise would also help but right now you can't help yourself without medicine: it is like you have a lot of burden on yourself and you can't lift it without someone`s help. If you can find someone having much time and trusted to share your feelings on regular basis then you don't need medicine otherwise you do need.

[Sablegirl in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for sharing! I’ve actually been under a doctors care for many years & take my meds faithfully. It doesn’t make my griefs or the flashbacks to when my daughter died by suicide, go away. Please don’t think I’m being ungrateful, because I appreciate so much that you took time to write back! Was just trying to be honest about stuff.

[Hidden in reply to Sablegirl]

You welcome and there is not problem about your honest feedback. I actually appreciate it. I am sorry to see that medicine does not help you. Actually medicine is not a permanent solution to your problems. Medicines are for a specific period of time and when you take it, you feel normal for sometime or better than before. Within the specified period, you are supposed to get some routine which later will help you like joining some job, hobby or a network where you can share. I am sorry about commenting on your personal life but I feel like if you share your feeling with your husband then you will not have any problems. Anyhow, for this time, try taking medicine for a specified period as prescribed and when you feel better or nearly normal then trying to think back of this time and find some solution about what you gonna do when you will leave medicine. You will have to get some interest in that time that would occupy your mind and yourself. I hope I am able to help somewhat but that doesn't matter and you are always welcomed to write back with your honest opinion. You will see I never mind.

[Xenia33]

I am so very sorry for your loss - both of them. I don't even know what to say. Please know that I will be praying for you. Please take care of yourself. Sending you love and hugs

[Sablegirl in reply to Xenia33]

Xenia33, thank you. I’m usually too afraid to mention the loses because people are at a loss for words or they try really hard to empathize and while I super appreciate empathy and kindness, I still find myself feeling so alone. I’m told that feeling like that is a “normal” thing under the circumstances. But it doesn’t make me feel less alone or less depressed and anxious. Does that make any sense??

[Xenia33 in reply to Sablegirl]

Absolutely it makes sense to me. I don't know what to say because I haven't experienced that. And I also know that there is absolutely nothing I can say to take your pain away or make it ease in the least. It is good that you told us about it in your post because it is a very big part of your hurt, depression, and anxiety. Nothing about all that you experienced is normal. I do know what you mean about saying that you enjoy being a mom. I am a mom. My children are on the verge of leaving to live their lives like your son so I understand that part of what you're feeling really well. It is hard. Please pm me if you want to talk. I would be glad to be there to just hear how your day is going and what you are feeling. You are absolutely not alone - I promise.

[Sablegirl in reply to Xenia33]

I’m so thankful to have met you. I’m finally getting sleepy, but I will write & take you up on your offer of friendship! I’m feeling more at peace. Thank you so very much!

[JEG325]

Hello Sablegirl I don't know how much this will help but, I have several chatline groups that operate from this site. These groups of 12 to 17 people operate like an extended family. It doesn't cost anything and it's easy to do. Circle OF Frineds 5 is taking new members & Circle Of Friends 2B is our busiest chatline. If you like to write, we have a writers group that meets too. Like I said, I don't know how much that would help, but, it would give you a regular group of like minded people that you can reach out to often. I administer these groups myself & I don't allow bullying, profanity, crudeness or illegal activities. There will only be nice folks from right here on this site for you to talk to. Think about it. I am so, so sorry for you and I wish you only the best. Even if you don't wanna join, I wish for you to have the most blessed day possible!

[Sablegirl in reply to JEG325]

Thank you so very much! How can I join? I’m new to navigating this site still.

[JEG325 in reply to Sablegirl]

I do the work. I just add you username and you're in. I'm talking on chatline 5 right now. So, as soon as i add you, your orange chat button will light up. Tap it and you will see Circle Of Friends 5. You message by typing your words in the message box at the bottom of the conversation and then you hit the blue send buttin to send it. In the case of more than one chatline popping up, you simply click onto the one you want and follow the preious directions once you're on the site. I will be up for awhile if you wanna try Circle Of Friends 5. I will add you COF2B too. But, that one is pretty busy late morning through early afternoon. Gonna add you now!

[Sablegirl in reply to JEG325]

Thank you so very much!

[JEG325 in reply to Sablegirl]

You're in. When your chat button lights up, tap it. You will see COF5, click on that. You will go right to the site and you may begin talking. Have fun!

[Calm_mama]

Hi Sablegirl,

I am so sorry for your losses. I am a mother myself, and I can only imagine the indescribable grief you must carry in your heart. I'm sending you a million hugs today and every day. Did you ever join a support group and/or get some bereavement therapy? My best friend lost her daughter not too long ago, and these are things that have helped both her and her husband. Especially her husband.

I don't know if you are religious at all, but I will be praying for you Sablegirl. Come here and talk/vent/ask for support anytime. So glad you are getting on one of JEG's chatlines. Wonderful people here

[Sablegirl in reply to Calm_mama]

Hi, thanks so much for writing back! Yes, to your mention of grief support group....although it was awful this last session, felt soooo much worse afterwards and I usually feel support and kindness.

[Yumaris]

So sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you! I’m not great on giving advice but I’m here for you to vent. Talking about it helps!❤️

[kenster1]

hi im so sorry to read of your losses my heart goes out to you.my mum had three children all di before the age of one ive also lost an unborn and a six year old son and had a cousin take his life.i always what if that never leaves me nearly 19 year later I still feel heartbroken.i am on another health unlocked page called bereavement care and share its a smallish community but sadly we all have one thing in common.its a very supportive and understanding community and maybe of added support to you along with other sites you access.god bless and take care.

[Sablegirl in reply to kenster1]

Thank you so much for sharing! I’m so sorry for your losses. It’s been 25 years since I lost the baby and it does just get me right in the gut still.

[kenster1 in reply to Sablegirl]

I know how you feel. even now I am in the struggle zone as every 15 feb its like a countdown towards his anniversary as the date gets nearer I seem to get more withdrawn.its hard to keep going sometimes. I understand some of your suffering and im always here.take care.

[Sablegirl in reply to kenster1]

Ohh dear, anniversaries of our losses are super hard! My heart hurts with you as my anniversaries are in the fall & I find myself wishing to disappear into myself...kind of like a hurt animal wants to crawl off & be alone. Big hugs and more Big hugs

[pink318]

I’m very sorry to hear this. My heart is breaking while reading your post.

Grieving has no timetable. 8 years had passed but still you can still feel the pain of losing your daughter from suicide. My mother passed away in 2013 and even now, I still cry whenever I miss her especially in her birthdays and mother’s day. Cry- let that tears flow to help you cope and heal.

When I was grieving in the loss of my mother, a life group in my church had been a big help to my healing. I see them once a week regularly and it helped me to feel less lonely. If you think you will enjoy being in a group of people, try to connect with your church and inquire about available groups for women. I hope this will work for you and will help you in your grieving process. I pray that you will stay strong and will overcome the difficulties you are going through. Please stay in the forum and keep us posted. We care for you, God bless.

[Anxietyguy]

You said you really liked being a mom. Would it be possible to adopt or foster care? This could maybe help you cope. Just an idea

[Hidden]

I don’t think loss goes away especially like that. I’m so sorry giving you a hug and sincere empathy. Empty nest syndrome is not easy either I saw my sister go through it. It was hilarious to me actually as her and her husband were like wtf just happened we don’t know what to do with ourselves. They were going through shock seriously. They got a dog. Started new hobbies like lots trying diff things out trying to socialize again it was a whole thing. You’re not alone in these feelings. You need to find ways to feel needed and to share. That’s okay.