Anxiety has caused me to push away those I love

[LM45]

Hi Everyone,

I'm new here. I'm currently beginning treatment for my anxiety that has plagued me my entire life. Throughout the past year, I was dating the most amazing person, however, throughout our relationship, I was unable to communicate what I needed. Instead I said things I didn't mean, I pushed him away, and thought of the worst possible outcomes for situations instead of just talking it out. It is overwhelming how much I've let my anxiety run my life- so much so that I've pushed away countless loved ones including this person I was seeing. We were on the verge of moving out together and starting a new life and I feel like I've ruined everything. I am seeking counseling but would like advice on how to cope with the guilt of boxing myself in and pushing people out.

[Kat63]

I’ve done the same things sometimes. I’ve had trouble communicating my needs and wants. And I’ve ended up pushing people away - through my poor communication, and my fear of rejection.

[Ddorne]

I’m so sorry you feel this way. I too have done this at times. Are you in therapy? That would be the best way to work it out. I have a good therapist and he has helped me very much with these issues.LD

[Lazy_dog_lover]

Do some reading on "shame" and "codependency". What is your biggest fear if you did not push them away?

[sunandbutterfly]

Hello, I am so glad that you are starting to see a counselor for your anxiety. The support of people is so important in managing anxiety, but ironically we tend to push people away. I know that the times I felt most anxious, I distanced myself from people, but was almost crying out for someone else to notice and care.

I was considering a fellow who was pursuing me, but our personalities and my anxiety were not a good fit. He tended to react emotionally and was probably a toxic person. Now, I married to a wonderful man who became part of my support. He asked (and still does at times) what he could do to help with my anxiety. He has been a wonderful partner and a great support.I thank God for bringing him into my life, and for the help that I received in getting through my anxiety. Maybe you could talk to your therapist about it too? Let me know if you would like to be pointed to some additional resources as well.

[Hidden]

I've always had trouble expressing my needs as well. I'm an avoidant anxious person and my automatic response is to repress needs/not speak up, stew in silent anger, and build resentment. To the point where even trivial things caused me to become easily irritable. My therapist has been very helpful in talking me though situations and identifying different ways of addressing things.

I think as far as coping with the guilt you should at least be encouraged that you are aware of your behavior pattern and are seeking treatment for it. I know you are in pain with the circumstances you've described and might feel hopeless but if you are willing to put the effort in things will get better. I hope the best for you.